To stop cooking for my husband

[beguilingeyes]

We have been married for ten years. I do pretty much all of the cooking. My husband is getting more and more picky.
He won't eat tomatoes, basil, coriander, salads, most sauces.
We've been having Gousto boxes for years now, but most of the recipes I can't pick because of forbidden ingredients and lately he won't eat a lot of dressings/mayonnaise either. Last night was a pork and apple burger with a cranberry mayonnaise and parsnip relish. It was delicious.
I had to put the mayo/relish on the side be cause he won't touch them. So he ends up with just a dry burger and then complains that it's boring. Also he takes forever to come to the table and then complains that the food is cold.
AIBU to stop cooking for him? He would probably live on pie and chips for ever. By pandering to him not only does he have a boring diet, it means I can't have nice food either. I can't remember the last time I had pesto.
Separate meals now.

But much better if he does it himself. Unless of course he cooks a few meals a week for OP while his pie and chips are in the oven.

Another vote for letting him crack on with cooking his own dinners from now on.

OMG I would find that SO unattractive!

He'll just become fat and farty if he lives on pie and chips!

I'd just keep cooking as you are, and he can pick out anything he doesn't like. Show him the meal before hand, and if he declares he doesn't like it, then you can eat the second portion for lunch the next day, and he can get his own meal.

I would probably tell him what I'm planning to have & ask do you want some or are you sorting yourself out?. I'm not a fussy eater but cranberry mayo sounds gross

The OP seems to have unearthed a whole phenomenon here, judging by thereplies.

I wonder what causes this increasing pickiness in men? Autism? Early signs of dementia (decline in being to cope with different textures and the beginnings of swallowing problems).?

My OH won’t eat: mince, white bread, bananas, mashed potato, pasta, butter, lasagne, thai curry, curry that’s too hot or oily….Tbf it’s mainly related to his age (50s) and heart burn. He’d happily live on pork pies, ham and coleslaw.

I love food. I just cook my own sometimes when I want something different and don’t want to cook boring roast dinners.

Perhaps it’s a control thing? Like when they insist on having a family sit down dinner and then have to tell us how their knees are hurting and about a lump that’s developed somewhere, like the groin.

OP you could always get yourself some nice single meals from COOK for the freezer for the days when you can't be faffed!

Also he takes forever to come to the table and then complains that the food is cold.

This alone would tempt me to throw his in the bin. At the very least when he says this surely you respond "It wasn't fucking cold when I put it on the table five minutes ago!"

But actually I think stop cooking for him is the answer. Have a calm conversation first where you explain your reasons for doing this and then crack on and cook yourself some nice meals and leave him to it.

Obviously, do it.

Lifelong fussy eater…

my other half does the cooking and food shopping.
I eat what I’m given regardless of whether I like it or not as the absolute privilege of someone cooking for me day and daily is not something I take for granted.

In the same way he wears whatever clothing is clean and in his wardrobe because the privilege of not having to do his own laundry is not something he takes for granted.

Why are you doing all the cooking in the first place ?

I see your name and question match beautifully. no, this man is not wanting to eat only pie and chips for health reasons. lol

Clearly no, you don't have to cook for, and eat with, a man who takes forever to come to the table then moans his food hasn't kept warm by magic. Or someone who's eating is becoming more and more restricted. It is odd that it happens as an adult though, sounds much more like something a child does. Cook for yourself and get him to look into counselling I guess.

Ha ha 😂

I was actually wondering if he was on an elimination type of diet e.g. cutting out certain food types such as grains, gluten etc.

Your husband is very unreasonable for not looking forward to sitting and eating with you. Tell him how disrespectful he is and expect more. You are not living wild in the jungle. He is civilised, suposedly, and can read and write, can't he?

Ask him to set the table each night. That way he will be at the table and not late.

Make food you enjoy every second night and food he enjoys every second night. Both agree to eat the meals without complaint. Your husband is reverting back to his pre-teens. Grown adults have a diverse palate and value focusing on their family at meal times.

Brilliant! And rational, polite and normal.

That to me borders on to or already represents controlling and abusive behaviour! My abusive ex would rave about my cooking in the love bombing stage and then moaned and refused to eat anything once he started his controlling behaviour. He would criticise and slag off my cooking. Strangely enough, everyone else loves my cooking!

Have you agreed cooking is your job? Maybe time to mix it up? He cooks 1/2 the time and you cook 1/2 the time?

If you’re happy to cook then id make the meals I wanted. If there are reasonable adjustments such as sauce on the side that’s fine. If he doesn’t want what you’ve made then you stick it in the fridge for your tea the following day and he makes a sandwich. Rinse and repeat.

I wouldn’t give complaints like a burger being boring any airtime whatsoever. I’d just say « oh good I’ll have that tomorrow then » or « well you’re picky so sometimes things will be boring » or « you make them next time »

Personally I wouldn’t compromise my meals on a regular basis, so I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to tell him he can fend for himself!

There is a recipe app you can try though called Supercook. It’s designed so you can input all the ingredients you have to hand (in your case I’d just load it with things DH still eats) and it’ll come up with ideas.

I'd probably start an online shop and put all the things I like on it, and get him to put all the things he wants on it. Then cook for myself and let him sort out his own meals.

Job done.

Defintirly not unreasonable. Tell him in the new year you’ll cook separately as it’s unfair that you bend yourselves backwards trying to meet his demands and he shows so little appreciation. I’m sure he’ll soon realise the error of his ways.

I've had this conversation with my youngest, who's stubbornly reduced his acceptable menu considerably (and it is stubbornness - eg. he'd eat chips, but not potatoes in any other form - even cubes that are otherwise identical to chips)

I'm not going to stop me and DS1 eating nice things (Hello Fresh here) just because he'll only eat chicken or pizza. So sometimes I'll bung some chicken in for him, sometimes I won't and he has to cook something for himself.

It's not unreasonable to do that - especially since you are doing the cooking. It is unreasonable to expect someone else to dramatically reduce their diet because you don't like so many things

Oh, and yes, being persistently late for dinner is one of my pet hates.

I will give the kids an estimate of when food is ready. I'll ping them when I'm serving up, and expect them to arrive within a reasonable amount of time (I'll tell them if it's hot and they can take a bit more time to give it a chance to cool too)

My ex would tell the kids '10 minutes' but then it wouldn't be ready when they arrived, which leads to waffling/people purposely arriving late (which they did in MIL's house).

I much prefer accuracy/promptness.

how irritating and boring this sounds. Tell him to stop being such a fussy man child or shop for and cook his own meals.

My mum got tired of my dad not being happy with the food she cooked so she told him to cook them and that works well for them.

What are his meal suggestions OP?