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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ill friend

20 replies

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 21/12/2023 11:45

I arranged a couple of weeks ago with a friend who was laid up with a cold that we would meet at the coffee shop on the 23rd. She texts me yesterday to say she is still feeling rough and can we meet at hers for a coffee instead? Surely if you are that ill you shouldn't be asking people round in case they catch something? I am caring for my vulnerable mother at the moment who hasn't been very well this year and I can't risk her getting ill again.

Thing is as well I met her in town a couple of weeks ago when she had the cold (unknowingly to me) so surely it must be better not worse by now?

OP posts:

IndecentFeminist · 21/12/2023 11:46

She's clearly still feeling unwell, not sure why you are second guessing that? If you don't feel comfortable going, just say so.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 21/12/2023 11:46

There's an absolute pig of a cold going round at the moment which can leave you feeling rough for weeks afterwards. She's likely no longer infectious but doesn't feel like slogging round town (the cold I'm thinking of leaves your legs aching and you breathless).

If she's a good friend why would you think she'd invite you round just to give you something? Surely she knows your situation. Just pop round and have a coffee.

Leeds2 · 21/12/2023 11:47

I would just say that, given you are looking after your vulnerable mother, it might be best to cancel and reschedule for a date in the new year when your friend is fully recovered.

Xmasisoffsantahascovid · 21/12/2023 11:48

But wasn't she laid up with cold when you made the initial arrangement?

Winnipeggy · 21/12/2023 11:49

What a weird post. If you don't want to go then don't go. Sounds like she still wants to meet despite feeling rubbish but she's being very transparent with you. What's the problem? She's been ill too long for your liking?

GMsAWinner · 21/12/2023 11:50

If it doesn't feel like the right thing to do and you don't want to risk catching a cold this cold to Xmas, just be honest and ask to arrange another date.

Original poster

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 21/12/2023 11:52

Xmasisoffsantahascovid · 21/12/2023 11:48

But wasn't she laid up with cold when you made the initial arrangement?

Yes exactly

OP posts:

FuckOffTom · 21/12/2023 11:54

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 21/12/2023 11:46

If she's a good friend why would you think she'd invite you round just to give you something? Surely she knows your situation. Just pop round and have a coffee.

This! I had this cold too, it was horrendous!

Iliketulips · 21/12/2023 11:57

This close to Xmas and the fact you've got a vulnerable mother, would totally understand if you didn't want to meet up with me if I were your friend

Xmasisoffsantahascovid · 21/12/2023 12:06

So germs aren't spread in cafe's only houses?

Original poster

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 21/12/2023 12:14

Xmasisoffsantahascovid · 21/12/2023 12:06

So germs aren't spread in cafe's only houses?

I'm more likely to catch it at someone's home, it's more enclosed and it is their personal space so there will be germs everywhere. And I never said I was ok with meeting in a cafe either if they have a cold. When I met her in town a couple of weeks ago I didn't know she had a cold.

OP posts:

Terningbay · 21/12/2023 12:25

It’s really not a big deal. She probably didn’t feel up for it but felt bad cancelling. Just say you’d rather not if she’s still unwell and reschedule for the new year, she’ll probably be relieved!

Xmasisoffsantahascovid · 21/12/2023 15:03

Just been to ds's church service. More coughing than singing.... Prob all be dead for Christmas...

divinededacende · 21/12/2023 15:06

It's the middle of cold and flu season and now we have COVID. Loads of people are laid up right now. She's not feeling up to going out but invited you around if you want to catch-up and have coffee. Nothing unreasonable there, bad cold/flu's can linger and leave you feeling work out and shitty long after you stop being a walking petri dish.

You have a valid reason for being cautious, just tell her that and rearrange.

No drama. No one's being unreasonable.

Puddingpieplum · 21/12/2023 15:08

If she's been off work sick she probably doesn't want to be seen gallivanting in town.
Say yes or say no, your choice, she's really not trying to offend or upset you with the invite I'm sure.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 21/12/2023 15:13

You say you class her as a “friend” 🤔

pinkdelight · 21/12/2023 15:17

She's giving you the info. If you want to cancel, go ahead. She's not done anything wrong.

JadeSeahorse · 21/12/2023 15:30

Can I please ask? This "Pig of a cold" several pp's are referring to. does this comprise of a hacking, chesty cough with loads of phlegm 🤮, headaches, aching all over, runny nose and feeling totally listless?

Just asking as this has been me for a full 14 days now and I have so far gone through almost a full bottle of cough medicine, 20 Solpadeine and numerous paracetamol plus Ibuprofen and I still feel like death. Pretty sure it's not COVID as I have had 3 negative tests.

Seriously OP, if this is what your friend has you really should give her a very wide berth. I would be terrified of passing this to someone who was vulnerable. I am very rarely ill and have seriously felt I was dying some days so be grateful your friend has warned you and rearrange for another time.

ManateeFair · 21/12/2023 15:31

Well, you don't actually have a clue what her cold's been like, do you? Maybe she's just feeling knackered in the aftermath. Maybe she went out into town previously and felt crap afterwards and that's why she doesn't want to risk it again.

If you think she might still be infectious and you don't want to risk catching it, then just say so and agree to catch up in the new year when she's feeling better. Really no big deal - you're making way more of this than is warranted.

Newestname002 · 21/12/2023 16:03

@ForTonightGodisaDJ

I would call your friend, or message her if that's your usual method of contact, and say you're sorry she's still under the weather and perfectly understand that coming out is too much for her now. Additionally, you want to minimise passing on any illness to your relative so postponing makes sense for both of you.

Suggest you both leave it for now but agree to meet up in the new year and send her some flowers, or a poinsettia?, with a message saying you're looking forward to catching up some time next month and will message in the new year to arrange dates. 🌹

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