Benefits question. One parent full time carer, can other parent work part time?

[MysticMushroom]

I've posted here for traffic as I could really do with some advice from people who understand how this works.

I'm also prepared to get flamed/benefits bashed but at this point I am so desperate that I don't even care.

To give some background: I am a registered carer for my 7year old DS. He is diagnosed autistic and ADHD. Receives high rate DLA and low rate mobility.

Due to the nature of his needs and the utter failure of our education system, DS has never attended school properly. Pre-schools couldn't cope/meet needs so put him on severely reduced hours where he had very little interaction with other children.

At age 4 when due to start school I asked the LA if he could attend specialist as I didn't think he would cope in mainstream. They didn't listen and he lasted 4 weeks in mainstream before they reduced his hours to 2 hours a day for 3 days a week where he was kept in a cupboard away from the other pupils so had very limited social interaction.

This went on for 2 years while we fought to get him a specialist school place via tribunal.

(Very long story that I have posted about before under a different name) but the tribunal named a specialist school that we were led to believe would be suitable for DS but turned out to be completely unsuitable and unable to meet his needs, therefore leaving DS with no school at all as he can't attend this specialist school and can't go back to mainstream due to the tribunal now stating on his EHCP that he needs specialist provision.

Despite numerous phone calls and meetings with the LA and an urgent review of his EHCP taking place, we are still no closer to getting him into a school as the LA are frankly useless and don't respond. He's been left with nothing with the view of finding something next September.

Last February I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant. Decided to go ahead with the pregnancy as at the time the situation was more stable. DS was attending his mainstream school for 2 hours, had just been given a really good 1:1 there who was wonderful with him and also had support workers for the 3 days he attended school to give respite for a few more hours away from home.
The situation obviously wasn't perfect but wasn't as dire as it is now so chose to go ahead with the pregnancy.

However over the course of the pregnancy everything with DS's schooling fell apart leaving us where we are now, with DS at home full time. The massive changes that have happened over this last year have impacted him greatly and his behaviour is the worst its ever been. Incredibly challenging and we are doing it with 0 support as have no family to help us and all services have been exhausted.

This is where my question comes in:

We claim UC. My partner works full time, long hours. Is also away EOW as he has sees his children from a previous relationship.
I am registered as a full time carer for DS therefore do not have to seek other employment until 2029 (although I did have a part time job up until my pregnancy). Is it possible for my partner to be considered the 'main carer' of our baby and therefore only be required to work part time while I continue being the registered carer of DS?

As if this was possible then it would take so much pressure of a situation that is not working right now. It is next to impossible to meet DS's needs without any respite or support and be able to look after a 4 week old baby. Partner works long hours so out of the house most of the time.

The situation has become so impossible that I am feeling really depressed and have no hope. Might be clutching at straws with this but if DP could be home for more hours it might actually be survivable but unsure whether we can claim UC if he is in part time work only.

Looking for advice from people who know about this. Sorry the post is so long. Its such a long story and I tried my best to shorten it down.

@SaySomethingMan I have been pushing them. But what can I do when I push and push and they still ignore me? There is no one to hold them accountable. I've tried formally complaining and still nothing changed. I've tried writing to the MP and nothing has happened.

I don't have the money for my own legal advice, unless like a PP said I can get free advice.

I absolutely cannot move to a different area. I don't have the money to move. I am in social housing so can't even move if I wanted to as there is a housing shortage and if you are considered adequately housed you can't apply to move.

We were deceived into thinking this specialist school would be the right school for DS. The mainstream school he was in just wanted to get rid of him so told us a load of lies. The specialist school was absolutely appalling with their communication so never actually communicated that the school was so unsuitable until the day of the tribunal by which point it was too late.

I am literally doing all I can.

Im sorry if i came across as accusatory. It wasn’t intentional.

Did you say you’ve been in touch with IPSEA? SOS!SEN?

There are charities that can help you get some respite too. It’s harder for you being pregnant now but you could plan a bit here and there until you’re ready to take action again.

Unfortunately, you cannot rely on anyone else to tell you which school will be suitable for your son. You have to visit, speak to the staff, research it online, etc. The number of cases assigned to case workers are so high that they have little time to work on them thoroughly.

So sorry for this difficult situation.

Would you be able to cope financially if your partner reduced his hours, or stopped work?

Irrespective of whether he would be required to do work search you need to think really carefully about the financial position of yourself

LAs are a huge pita op. You need to go to tribunal if you think you've found a suitable school and/or get a solicitors letter if they arent providing education/contents of the EHCP. I would suggest chatting with Ipsea/sossen.

If you aren’t eligible for legal aid for a pre-action letter do look at SOSSEN. If you can’t afford their reasonable price you really need to consider how you will manage if DP stopped working because the difference between the money you have coming in with DP working and what you would have coming in if DP stopped work will be more than their fee each month.

Your husband can’t be the carer for the baby in the same sense you are carer for your child - unless the baby is disabled and receives DLA as that’s the qualifying benefit .
For him to be the main parent for UC purposes to avoid having to work full time - he would have to be the recipient of the new baby’s child benefit .

But you will not be better off financially than him working full time .

Yes, you can do what you are considering. So long as your DH is the one claiming Child Benefit for the baby, he would be exempt from work requirements altogether until your younger child is three, though he would have to attend some meetings with UC after the first year. After the little one is three, your DH would need to work 30 hours a week.

Have a look at a benefits calculator and get some expert advice to see how your overall financial situation would change if your DH works part-time or not at all.

Good luck with everything. It sounds really tough. I hope things will improve for your family soon.