To be really put off my partner after he questioned an abusive relationship

[pinappls]

I have 3 children from a previous relationship. My downstairs neighbour has already said to him he knew it was controlling and abusive

We were speaking about having children I said yeah I did it all by myself after he promised he'd help

He laughed and said how did that happen 3 times

I've told him the cycle of abuse and being scared to leave and feeling manipulated and bullied into things and they way he answered really put me off

He obviously down plays it or doesn't care

I stood up for myself and said about what I said before.

I'd say this is a glaring red flag. He's already diminishing your experience. Not taking what you tell him seriously and seriously lacks empathy, interest and care about what happened. Follow your gut and stop seeing him now before you feel you're in too deep.

I could almost ignore the "how did it happpen 3 times" comment as being a bit thoughtless but if you then went to the effort to tell him what you experienced and you still didn't like the answers... run.

It's not to say he's liable to be abusive but he definitely doesn't seem like someone capable of being supportive when the chips are down. If someone doesn't seem like they are capable of empathy - or at the very least sympathy - then it's a top tier red flag.

This guy could be an important figure in your kids' lives when they grow up. Can you trust that he'll be able to support them (or you) when they start to experience complex emotional issues?

Agree with both previous posters - this is a glaring red flag. He knows what happened to you, and yet he still responds in a way that's dismissive and victim-blaming.

If he was genuinely looking to understand your situation, he would have said something like: 'Sorry if this sounds insensitive, but it's something I've never really understood because I've never been through it - after you had your first child and got no support, what was it that made you have two more kids? Did he just promise you that he'd change? Or was it just that you felt too bullied and scared to say no?'

Saying 'Haha, how did that happen three times?' is just horrible. You can do better than this arsehole.