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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel sad over ex boyfriends new baby

8 replies

latenights0 · 20/12/2023 22:25

I left my ex a few years ago, I didn't love him anymore but still cared for him and we wanted different things. I moved on quick & married DH who I love so much not so long ago. I have mutuals with my ex so have always checked on him now and again through them as I know he took the breakup hard and was overjoyed when I was told he'd met someone and they're really happy. Me and DH have beeen trying for a baby for over a year and have had 3 MC, each one was heartbreaking. With the last MC, we bumped into my ex and his partner at the EPU, so I knew she must be pregnant. When I was in the scanning room he spoke to my mum and said 'Hope X is well, it's a awful place for anyone to be, we've just had the all clear and been discharged' when my mum told me this I was so happy for them as I'd been in EPU to many times with bad news. I had to go back for another scan a week later and unfortunately for me and DH it was bad news again (3rd loss) ex has since announced pregnancy and had gender reveal and their due date is the same month one of our babies should have been, so our babies would have been the same age😫Although no one tells me stuff now as it hurts to much. As happy as I am for him - It hurts me, not because I wish it was me & him. But cos I wish it was me too with DH. It's weird seeing someone you was with for so long have what you want! I am not jealous of him but I'm jealous/upset cos I want a baby too and I keep having miscarriages. Not much point to this post.
Just want to clarify I have absolutely zero feelings for my ex, there's always going to be the element of care as we was together for years, but I don't have romantic feelings. I must be emotional as it's one of our babies suppose to be due date in 4 days
Just up with a blocked nose and can't sleep.

So my AIBU is AIBU to be upset over this?

OP posts:
Cosifantutrifrutti · 20/12/2023 22:28

YANBU. You’re grieving your own loss - I’m very sorry ♥️ I think it’s natural to find it hard to see people you know have successful pregnancies, especially if the due date would have been close to your own. It’s a close to home reminder of what you’ve lost.

i really hope that one day your time comes ♥️

SoIRejoined · 20/12/2023 22:32

No of course yanbu. I'm sorry for your losses.

toomanyleggings · 20/12/2023 22:32

Miscarriages are hard. Everything hurts and there are all sorts of situations that get thrown at you that hurt a lot. When I was on my sixth miscarriage, three people in my dept at work announced pregnancies. I do have two daughters now. Most people get there in the end and this pain you feel now will dim. Hang in there. I took aspirin in the end and seemed to help.

Whataretheodds · 20/12/2023 22:35

Oh gosh of COURSE that's going to be upsetting!

After my second miscarriage in a row I read someone somewhere saying that they felt better once they appreciated that there isn't a limited supply of babies in the world. Them having one didn't have any impact on your baby. And the baby they have is not the baby you would have had.

I did feel better taking that in, but of course it's still incredibly sad to lose a pregnancy, give yourself time to grieve. Don't torture yourself by looking up the progress of the pregnancy on SM - give yourself enough distance for self-preservation

Whattodo112222 · 20/12/2023 22:45

You are absolutely not being unreasonable here. You're grieving your losses, which is heartbreaking, to say the least. When you see others around you, move on and have what you so desperately want for yourself. Of course, you're going to feel envious. That's a perfectly natural human response.

I hate this saying, but I'm going to say, be kind to yourself OP. Your body has been through a lot, and so has your mind. Take some time to process it all.

latenights0 · 20/12/2023 22:58

Thank you everyone, your kind responses have made me tear up a bit, it's really hard and coming up to Christmas I should be due in 4 days with our 2nd baby (which I MC) as much as I'm looking forward to Christmas I'm also dreading it. Don't want Boxing Day to come around.

OP posts:
latenights0 · 20/12/2023 22:59

Sorry I should be due in 6 days (Boxing Day)

OP posts:
latenights0 · 21/12/2023 12:12

I can't believe I'm writing this but it took me ages to fall asleep last night and when I did sleep I had the most vivid dream I was taking pregnancy tests and they was clear positive so I woke up and tested and they're positive 🥺 praying for a sticky baby ❤️

OP posts:
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