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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To suspect my friend stole money from me and then put it back?

8 replies

iloverobbrydon · 20/12/2023 13:02

It was recently my 27th birthday and my grandparents still put £20 in a card for me. This year they had put two ten pound notes and I was going out that day for a meal with my friend so decided I'd use it to pay for that. I opened my birthday card and just put the two notes on top of each other on the arm of the sofa so that I wouldn't forget to take them and went upstairs to get ready.

My friend came over and let herself in so I shouted down to her that I'd only be 5 mins then I'll be down. I came downstairs and picked up the money but there was only one ten pound note on the sofa. I said "oh, there were two tenners on here, one must have fallen off" so we were both looking for it. I looked on the floor, picked up sofa cushions, looked down the back of the sofa, everywhere! It wasn't anywhere to be seen. So I thought to myself I wonder if she's taken it. I said "unless someone has taken it I don't see how it's disappeared" which I said on purpose to make her know I suspected her. I went upstairs and 5 seconds later she shouted "found it!" So when I went down she said it was under the sofa cushion. How could it have gotten there though? How did one note blow off and end up behind the cushion and the other note stayed where it was. Also how convenient that she found it once she was alone. Plus it wasn't there when we looked. We took both cushions off the sofa.

The reason I am overly suspicious is because she has done something like this before when we were kids. We were 9 and went on a school swimming lesson and we had to go into the changing cubicles in pairs. We went in together and we had to take jewellery off. I had a ring that my dad bought me that meant a lot to me so I took it off and kept it safe in the locker that we shared. When we came back and I got changed, my ring had gone. Again, looked everywhere for it but couldn't find it. I was crying my eyes out because I didnt see my dad often and it was sentimental to me. The next day at school she came in and handed me my ring, claiming that she went back to the swimming baths that night and just found it on the floor.

I am posting here because I never saw her take anything and don't really have proof so I'm not sure what to do. I know that the £10 wasn't a big amount of money but that's not the point and it upsets me that she would steal from me. Should i just let it go as I can't actually say for sure that she took the money? Or should I confront her? Although I know she would just deny it so then I don't really know where to go from there. I just feel quite upset but then there's a teeny tiny part of my brain that says "well maybe she didn't do it?" Even though it seems likely she did.

OP posts:
billyt · 20/12/2023 13:08

Not a friend at all if she steals from you, too suspect not to have been her.

Friends do not steal from friends. Well, shouldn't steal full stop, but hopefully you know what I mean.

Ohmylovejune · 20/12/2023 13:09

You won't get anywhere now as you cannot prove anything.

You either don't believe her finding it genuinely or you do.

This will continue to have an impactyour the trust in your relationship with her. Just as reminder you've given us of when you were younger has stayed with you.

DuploTrain · 20/12/2023 13:11

I knew someone like this. They didn’t really steal, more hid things so they could be the hero and “find” them again. Still odd behaviour.
This person would also make up stories when there was no reason to at all - trivial things.

DonnaBanana · 20/12/2023 13:13

Hmm, you can't hang on to things like this or it will eat you up. It could just be paranoia. Or it could have really happened. That said it wasn't stealing in this case as she didn't permanently deprive you of the money, more borrowing really.

Bigcat25 · 20/12/2023 13:18

DonnaBanana · 20/12/2023 13:13

Hmm, you can't hang on to things like this or it will eat you up. It could just be paranoia. Or it could have really happened. That said it wasn't stealing in this case as she didn't permanently deprive you of the money, more borrowing really.

But it did really happen, she wasn't paranoid.

MILTOBE · 20/12/2023 13:22

How was she borrowing the money?

It's pretty clear she'd taken some money and then when she realised she was rumbled, she "found" it.

lovelysmile · 20/12/2023 13:52

I was super broke and working three jobs - one day job, a evening job after and a separate weekend job. In my bedside drawer I was saving pennies here and there for an item I really really wanted. I was so brassic that it made me happy that I was chipping away at it.

My really good friend was visiting and the money vanished. I was so upset and she kept telling me that I likely misplaced it in a jovial 'you know what you are like' kind of way but I knew exactly how much and where that money was.

Two weeks later it magically 'reappeared' in a empty jam jar in my pantry 'found' by the said friend. Who then jokingly played it off as me having a ditzy moment.

Whilst she remains a 'friend' (too many family connections to dump fully) I have not really forgiven her and it changed our relationship massively. She no longer is invited to my house, I trust very little of what she says as she had absolutely no trouble lying to my face twice and I have the strongest feeling that because she returned the money she thinks its a case of 'no harm no foul'

itsmyp4rty · 20/12/2023 14:15

DuploTrain · 20/12/2023 13:11

I knew someone like this. They didn’t really steal, more hid things so they could be the hero and “find” them again. Still odd behaviour.
This person would also make up stories when there was no reason to at all - trivial things.

I think it may be this. It will be down to very low self esteem - feeling like a hero will make her feel like she has some worth. It's at your expense however as you have had to go through the upset to enable her to get that feeling.

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