To not want a diagnosis?

[Tiredboymum22]

I was diagnosed with ADHD over two years ago. At first it was a relief. Now I’m questioning the validity of my diagnosis (I had a weird childhood. My mum is most definitely neurodivergent). I feel… limited. Like I no longer have the ambition I used to. I no longer drive because I had one very minor accident where I wasn’t concentrating and it put me off driving anywhere with the kids in the car. Just knowing I have a mental deficit that impacts my concentration made me terrified to drive long distances with the kids. Then I became terrified of driving altogether.

I also share similar traits to my ASD son, minus the giftedness/high IQ (and without the developmental delays and awkward social skills). I find it hard to transition between tasks, I was hyperlexic as a child, good pattern recognition, poor spacial awareness in crowds. I get easily overwhelmed. I can’t fall asleep cuddling, I need space. I’m a sensory seeker. I can spot details others can’t. I used to feel like an alien in school. 😂 I’ve just had to turn the lights and TV off in my house because I felt overstimulated.

Right now I see no point in pursuing a diagnosis for myself. I don’t necessarily feel like I need to know. I’m actually worried I’d feel more limited in my capabilities (sorry if this is ableist but it’s how I feel). However my friend was talking about autistic burnout and masking so now I’m not sure. Am I doing the right thing by constantly pushing myself further than what I feel capable of? Or am I too differently wired?

Just interested in hearing people’s thoughts and perspectives.

If it were me I would think about what benefit a diagnosis would be to me and my life, and weigh that up against the feelings you are having.
I think in school, where children could really benefit from adaptions etc it's important but at other times it's a label that may or may not have a benefit.

@Shepandawing I'm definitely down the diagnostic pathway for my son but not sure it’ll be any benefit to me.

The only point of diagnosis in adulthood is a sense of empowerment and clarity it gives you about your condition/capabilities and needs. Doesn't seem like it would be beneficial in your case.
Also a lot of what you describe re similarities with your child are shared features of ADHD and ASD. So you may not have ASD at all.
I was diagnosed in adulthood and it gave me a greater sense of clarity. I don't typically advertise my diagnosis but I am much better at expressing my needs without feeling the need to justify it with a label. I am still pushing myself while being aware of my limitations. I spend my energy on things I enjoy and know I can excel at (powerlifting vs badminton due to proprioception issues, art vs musical instrument due to hypersensitivity, working in a quiet environment vs being a teacher etc. )

If you don't want to pursue a diagnosis then don't, it's entirely your choice. Is having a diagnosis going to add any benefit to your life? Are you looking for therapy? For reasonable adjustments at work? To have more information? If no to those then don't bother. Also consider some things you've said are just normal, I don't understand this recent mass mindset that so many adults have ADHD or ASD and are seeking out diagnoses.

For me, diagnosis is life changing. It sounds to me like your struggle with your adhd diagnosis is your own understanding of it as a deficit rather than a difference?

My experience is that learning NOT to push myself and to regulate sensory input has made my life a lot better, and I achieve more.

@Catza sounds like it was definitely useful for you to know. I’m not currently working so right now it doesn’t affect me. However there were issues when I was working. I’ve job hopped a lot and couldn’t stick to higher education. Always made me feel crap. The only job I was actually good at was support work and it took a mental toll on me.

It's an entirely personal thing, I think. Obviously for a child, a diagnosis is important for engaging with their school etc and making sure they have the right provisions in place. Plus it also gives the child a vocabulary for explaining things to others. But for an adult, I think it depends on what you might do with that diagnosis or whether you feel it would be validating for you.

Some people also say that a diagnosis meant they could do research into coping strategies etc. I think probably in your case, you already know a lot about ASD and coping mechanisms because you have a child with the same condition, so a diagnosis might not actually add much to your understanding. Ultimately, you know yourself and you know what your traits are and how you can work with them (eg, you know when you're experiencing sensory overload and you understand what it is that makes you overwhelmed) so in that sense, a diagnosis might not have much practical impact.

For some people, it's really helpful to get that official diagnosis because it confirms that there is a reason for the way they are, which can be psychologically really important for some people. When I was having psychotherapy for a mental health condition, my therapist suggested that I would probably do well to seek a diagnosis for a neurodiverse condition she thought I might have (not autism or ADHD in my case) because it would boost my confidence in some ways to know that there's a good reason for my inability to manage certain tasks and that I don't have to be embarrassed because I can actually explain that to people. She was right; it was definitely helpful. For many, many years I couldn't understand why I couldn't do certain things that other people found easy. Now I do understand, and it's been confirmed that I am not, in fact, just a lazy klutz, I feel a bit better about myself.

I guess it might also help other people understand you a bit better.

I also think that, if you needed/wanted any adjustments at work to help you, then you would need a diagnosis for that?