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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me what I already know.

25 replies

InstantDestiny · 20/12/2023 10:55

I have been “seeing” this guy for a few months. I have probably met him 4/5 times and he has cancelled on me more than that. Meaning I see him about every four weeks. Always telling me he’s busy with work etc (I have been to his place, he’s not married).

It’s not serious but he texts most days and it was originally more than just a hook up.

i am supposed to be seeing him tonight. Last night I said are we doing something or is it just sex? He got shitty with me saying, this keeps coming up and I don’t like it.

AIBU? I have tried to “end” it twice and asked him not to contact me anymore and he’s been like “c’mon don’t be like that”.

Hes just using me for sex when he’s absolutely nothing better to do isn’t he? And I deserve more.

OP posts:
Bluevelvetsofa · 20/12/2023 10:56

Yes he is and yes you do.

Sirzy · 20/12/2023 10:56

You need to not contact him. Block and delete

ManateeFair · 20/12/2023 10:56

Yes and yes. You know what to do. Ditch this fuckwit immediately.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 10:58

Tell him it's not working.
Then block him and move on.
Of course you deserve something that works better for you (nothing wrong with folk hooking up for sex if that's what works for them, but clearly you want more than that).
Start the new year single but with higher expectations.

GilesRupert · 20/12/2023 11:02

Delete all messages from him plus phone log, block then delete his number so you can't contact him even if you want to. I've been in a similar situation and there was nothing I could do to change how he treated me except to completely cut him off forever. He won't suddenly start treating you well and want to be in a relationship.

scorpiogirly · 20/12/2023 11:03

If he wanted to see you more he would.

Send him a text telling him this situation is no longer working for you and ignore any further communication.

WhenWereYouUnderMe · 20/12/2023 11:05

You don't 'try' to end it, you just do, as is your prerogative. He doesn't need to agree to it happening, the power is all yours.

Text him, end it, delete, block, whatever. He's a fuckboy.

ChateauDuMont · 20/12/2023 11:05

I believe you what young people cal a 'Booty call'.

You think you're in a relationship with him when clearly he doesn't think so.

mrsclaus1984 · 20/12/2023 11:06

I think you know the answer to this, please dump him, you deserve more.

olderbutwiser · 20/12/2023 11:08

Yes, and you do if you want a respectful relationship.

And even if the sex is excellent and you just want a shag currently it's all on his terms, which is also not ok.

Have a Mumsnet Grip from me.

maltichi · 20/12/2023 11:08

Without a doubt. He's not worthy of an explanation, ignore/block him and move on. Sorry OP.

PossumintheHouse · 20/12/2023 11:11

You only see him once a month?!
I’d bet my teeth he’s not just hooking up with you, OP.
You’re already arguing and he seems utterly pointless. Don’t ‘try’ to end it - end it.

TikkaDhal · 20/12/2023 11:12

By mistake I pressed the wrong option. You’re right. Give him his marching orders.

toomuchfaff · 20/12/2023 11:15

I tried to end it twice... er no you didn't, tell him you're not happy with how it's going and wish him well and block him. Raise your bar.

Original poster
InstantDestiny · 20/12/2023 11:16

We aren’t arguing as he shuts me down.

I am dating other people and he knows this.

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 20/12/2023 11:18

How is it more than a hook up if you see him once a month for sex? And if you ask him not to contact you, why do you reply when he does? And why do you have another "date" lined up? You need to find your self respect!

Tooshytoshine · 20/12/2023 11:18

I think you could never contact him again and it would take him about a month to notice.

Sorry OP, this one is a frog 🐸

PossumintheHouse · 20/12/2023 11:22

InstantDestiny · 20/12/2023 11:16

We aren’t arguing as he shuts me down.

I am dating other people and he knows this.

OP, if he gets all shirty with you when you question whether your meet up is just for sex, you are essentially arguing.

If you’re dating others and are happy with a monthly hook-up, that’s up to you. But the fact you’ve written this thread and are clearly cheesed off suggests you aren’t.

Kittenkitty · 20/12/2023 11:33

You’re not really going to be giving other blokes a chance whilst this one is still in the background. So you’re sabotaging a chance of a good relationship for the scraps he gives you.
Have you ever read the book “he’s just not into you” it’s actually pretty helpful in addressing the lies we tell ourselves with guys like this.

Original poster
InstantDestiny · 20/12/2023 11:33

Yeah I have read it, it’s really good.

OP posts:
Original poster
InstantDestiny · 20/12/2023 12:32

I like that, to go into the New Year single, but with higher expectations ❤️

OP posts:
ChateauDuMont · 20/12/2023 12:58

Higher expectations?

You expect him to be committed but you've admitted to seeing other men?

You and him were on the same playing field!

Maybe stick to one partner at a time and you might get more respect.

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 20/12/2023 13:05

Don't end it or block him yet. I would continue to agree to plans with him but just keep cancelling at the last minute, before he has a chance to, same as he's been doing with you. Immature? Yes. Funny? Also yes.

Original poster
InstantDestiny · 20/12/2023 14:06

🤣🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
InstantDestiny · 20/12/2023 14:08

He initially wanted to be exclusive but when he started all this carry on I told him I was going to start seeing other people.

There is nothing wrong with seeing multiple people as long as you are straight and honest about it.

Seeing other people does not mean that he has the right to treat me with disrespect.

OP posts:
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