I recently posted about my boyfriend and many people told me to RUN. Someone suggested though that I might be contributing to issues. I want to give more objective background in case I wasn't fair and please let me know if AIBU to still want to run for the hills?
My partner and I are in our 30s and together for 10 months. We met online shortly after my divorce and it started off as a hookup. Quite quickly it turned into something serious. There were people saying we're rushing but with early menopause history in my family I do want to get married and have 2 kids before I'm too old. My last marriage ended as my ex came out as asexual and also changed his mind about wanting kids so I do feel shortchanged.
I mentioned my partner was deceitful in a few instances. Here's more on that. He only sent me a very old photo when we met and he didn't look anything like it in person. I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he is struggling with ED and is embarrassed about his weight gain and I understand.
He also lied to me about where he lives. He even faked a house move. When I asked him why and he came up with an excuse it didn't ring true. His mum used to lash out to him physically whenever she thought he lied and I grew up with a similar person so I understand that he lied to me initially for one reason or other and couldn't back out.
He still lives in the house he bought with his ex. She moved out over a year ago and stopped paying mortgage. It put financial strain on him and the house is on sale for over a year now. I do know the house is on the market for a fact. The reason it isn't selling is that they paid too much for it 3 years ago now the price dropped so they can't sell without tapping into negative equity which ex refuses.
They got an offer 20k under the original purchase price. He asked me what to do as ex said she won't cover any deficit. I told him to make a counter offer considering the biggest hit he's willing to take alone. He said 5k under the original price. Once the house is sold he was going to have the same amount of deposit as I saved up. He was worried he'd now have less and I told him I would cover that 5k because he was willing to take the hit for us and it was the least I could do!
A couple of days later we met and he told me that he 'didn't hear back from the couple'. The next day we met his mum and she asked about it. He goes 'oh they offered 20k less than the original purchase price so I said no thanks'. So he didn't even counter their offer. I asked him afterwards and he said that he's really stressed and can't keep me in the loop with everything. He also said that now he's having to worry about our future together as well and doesn't feel complete autonomy over the decisions regarding the house.
My lease is up in 3 months. He wants me to move into that house. This is because I told him that I wanted us to be married before we had kids and he told me he wanted us to live together before we got married. As we don't know when the house will sell and it's taking ages he suggested I move in. Initially told me he wouldn't charge me rent (I'd never be OK with this and pay but never told him) but he then said he's struggling financially and I offered to pay rent.
I have enough deposit saved up to buy a house on my own. If I did that though he'd break up with me as he does want to start a family with me. This part is a guess but for me to buy a house I want I need to move to a cheaper area at least 3+ hour drive away. He did ask me not to move when we first met when I told him it was one of my potential plans early on. We both wouldn't want a long distance.
This is everything in all clarity. Do let me know your thoughts. Thank you.