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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset about a confusing message from friend

19 replies

Anuta77 · 20/12/2023 04:10

A few months ago, I started talking to an acquitance, a young woman who had a hard time after an ugly break-up with my DH's ex-wife. She also went through some very difficult moments with her toxic family and got bullied by collegues (she and the ex worked together). So I supported her like I could. At some point, she started taking too much marijuana, developped psychosis and went to get professional help. She started doing better after that, we chatted a lot and I felt like we bonded over different things. I considered her a sweet, smart and sensitive girl.

She just moved into a newly purchased appartment and told me she had a panic attack, but was better and was excited about being a homeowner.

A few hours later, I got the following message:

Anuta, your husband doesnt love you.
You deserve better and you know it.
You are strong.
You have always been. (she doesn`t know me long enough to state that)
The salvation is in the forgiveness.

WTF?!
I asked her what this was and later thought that maybe she took some substance (she also took sleeping pills as shes a nurse who works night shifts) and it made her hallucinate or something.

She answered the next day she was half sleepy when she wrote this. No other explanation. I asked again where this was coming from, she answered from her subconsciousness (!). I asked if she took something, she said no and told me to talk to her and my DHs common ex, then I would understand. She knows that I would never talk to that woman who offended me in front of her. And in general, how do you even start this kind of a conversation? No other explanation.

I wrote to her that you just cant say this kind of things without an explanation, its hurtful and offensif. And my DH was always nice to her, so its not nice towards him either.

No answer the whole day.

AIBU to be upset? Or should just forget about it?

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 20/12/2023 04:18

I would say that the drugs are no longer in her past, they are very much in her present. I wouldn't take a bit of notice of what she said.

ElevenSeven · 20/12/2023 04:19

It’s a shame she’s sent you this, I have a lovely close relationship with my DH’s, ex-wife’s, ex-girlfriend.

determinedtomakethiswork · 20/12/2023 04:23
Grin
SweetFemaleAttitude · 20/12/2023 04:28

I would listen to her. She sounds like she talks perfect sense.

Selenitetower · 20/12/2023 04:54

I mean she sounds a pretty unhinged but I think my curiosity would spike in this situation and I’d want to know if there’s any reason to be concerned/if there’s any truth behind her weird rambling.

Personally I would show DH the messages and see how he responds. If her suggestion is to speak to his ex wife about how he feels about you I’d just cut out the middle person and go straight to him?

cerisepanther73 · 20/12/2023 04:55

@Anuta77
I would naturally assume she has joined a happy clappy kind of church nearby where she lives or elsewhere,
that has a cultist type of popular following
especially if she had issues with substance misuse drugs issues in the past,
i wonder 🤔 if it's still maybe in the past does she occasionally use recreational drugs now not as much as used to do type of thing?

their is local church nearby where i live is like that, attracts younger church goe'rs too who are troubled souls in regards of drink and drugs issues,
as this particular church supports troubled souls like this,

the give away is the salvation is your forgiveness aspect bit of your thread..

morellamalessdrama · 20/12/2023 05:14

ElevenSeven · 20/12/2023 04:19

It’s a shame she’s sent you this, I have a lovely close relationship with my DH’s, ex-wife’s, ex-girlfriend.

Grin
Fraaahnces · 20/12/2023 05:49

I’d be looking at DH’s phone. Sounds like he has form

QuiltedHippo · 20/12/2023 05:59

Why on earth would you involve yourself with an ex of an ex of your husband, this was always going to be pure drama

Mystro202 · 20/12/2023 06:02

Is she gay/bisexual then (if she's dh ex wife's ex)? Maybe she has feelings for you and jealous of your dh?

Chilicabbage · 20/12/2023 06:07

My mum was sending the weirdest messages once to a point sibling was ready to go to her. We were quite worried about breakdown or danger to herself.

She just got her arse kicked by her sleeping pill! Had no recollection really next day

RowanMayfair · 20/12/2023 06:11

Why did you make friends with your husband's ex wife's ex?? That's so weird. Boundaries?

Kittenkitty · 20/12/2023 06:15

This sounds like you’re describing someone with a personality disorder.

it’s not acceptable for her to say that and then not be open and honest. She’s not said she’s talking a load of rubbish but she’s not been willing to tell you anything helpful either. It’s a very unkind thing to do and I’d cut contact with her.

that aside whether you believe her or not is another question. Did anything she said ring true?

Anuta77 · 20/12/2023 06:17

RowanMayfair · 20/12/2023 06:11

Why did you make friends with your husband's ex wife's ex?? That's so weird. Boundaries?

Shes a person like any other. Their common ex f*$%ed off to another country so no longer in the picture.

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 20/12/2023 06:39

I think the past history is too much for you to have a friendship with this woman?

Unless you are concerned about your dh ?

ancientpants · 20/12/2023 07:17

ElevenSeven · 20/12/2023 04:19

It’s a shame she’s sent you this, I have a lovely close relationship with my DH’s, ex-wife’s, ex-girlfriend.

Class!

Anuta77 · 21/12/2023 02:19

Kittenkitty · 20/12/2023 06:15

This sounds like you’re describing someone with a personality disorder.

it’s not acceptable for her to say that and then not be open and honest. She’s not said she’s talking a load of rubbish but she’s not been willing to tell you anything helpful either. It’s a very unkind thing to do and I’d cut contact with her.

that aside whether you believe her or not is another question. Did anything she said ring true?

She knows we had issues in the past, but saying this about a past event is not ok either. Right now, things are good, so I do feel uneasy with what she said.
Its sad as I thought she was a good person, I didnt suspect this about her. She still didnt answer.

OP posts:
TheSilentSister · 21/12/2023 03:02

This isn't healthy on so many levels.
She's a nurse but sounds totally unhinged. Previous or current drug use.
She didn't apologise or give any rational explanation for her message.
She's not a nice person and if I were you, I'd distance myself from her or cut contact.
If you really are suspicious about your DH, speak to him. But I you don't, please put it to the back of your mind.

junebirthdaygirl · 21/12/2023 03:24

You don't need this person in your life. She is far too complicated and dramatic and this will only lead to one big mess. A nurse who takes drugs...that's a recipe for disaster. Step back and let her off and pick friends who bring a bit less chaos with them.

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