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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should managers sit with their team at Xmas work lunch

18 replies

Ceci03 · 19/12/2023 23:43

So we had a work xmas lunch provided. Our team of 8 has 2 managers. In the office there is a "manager" section where the managers of the teams sit. Just explaining that we don't see our managers very often or talk to them much except when they are giving us instructions. Anyway we were sat at tables of 10 but our managers chose not to sit with us . Instead there was a manager table. I thought it was bad form and that the managers should have taken the opportunity to sit with their respective teams. I asked my teenage son as he is studying business and keeping up morale in workplaces. And he immediately said they thought they were superiorGrinJust annoyed me. I couldn't see that happening in a more egalitarian workplace. I always thought lunches like that were ideal opportunity for managers to chat to their team as equals. Not make us feel like the plebs. Or AIBU!

OP posts:
Frabbits · 19/12/2023 23:45

YANBU. That's dickish behaviour of the highest order.

Densol57 · 19/12/2023 23:45

I was a very senior manager in the Civil Service. I used to sit with my team

Stupidliefromfriend · 19/12/2023 23:45

Yanbu. Pathetic behaviour from them.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/12/2023 23:46

It’s like something from the 50s. Do they have an executive washroom too?

tbh the fact that you hardly ever speak to them is even worse

Fourecks · 19/12/2023 23:48

YANBU. I sat with my team at the Christmas lunch. I like them and it was nice to spend time with them. Once the lunch part was finished, I spent time talking with other colleagues, some of whom are managers and some aren't. It sounds very hierarchical!

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter · 19/12/2023 23:48

Yeah, wanky behaviour. I've never seen this! Did they have a specially starched tablecloth and a better dinner served on silver platters by obsequious flunkeys?

deeplybaffled · 19/12/2023 23:50

I’ve been a manager in the past ( stepped down several years ago)
I think it depends on the team - some can be fine, but others can be really tricky with a feeling that no one wants the manager to sit next to them or have to be on their “best” behaviour. It can lead to some really stilted conversations .

so I don’t think that there is a right answer that works in every team, sadly.

Notateacheranymore · 19/12/2023 23:52

My manager won’t even go into the canteen or join in with the other mangers serving the Christmas lunch to the rest of the staff. Not sure how he gets away with it.

Whatafustercluck · 19/12/2023 23:58

Yanbu. As a manager I've always sat with my teams, and enjoyed doing so.

Original poster
Ceci03 · 19/12/2023 23:58

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this was bad form. The fact we even have 2 managers for a small team or 8 is a bit weird to me. But they honestly don't speak to us hardly ever they stay in the "manager section". In my last job these kind of events were a chance for everyone to talk to everyone as equal humans. Plus they have done or said nothing to the team for Xmas not a box of chocs or a biscuit or even a card or email. Just bad all round for morale

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceci03 · 20/12/2023 00:01

Just while I'm having a rant it's very noticeable that very little work goes on in the manager section of the office. They laugh very very loudly and chat for hours very loudly while we are quiet and working. Am not saying they don't work hard but they don't work hard in the office maybe they do at home -hybrid working

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceci03 · 20/12/2023 09:55

Definitely doesn't help team morale

OP posts:
Ducksinthebath · 20/12/2023 11:23

I can see the need for a separate night out so high ups can let loose a bit (like an Exec lunch or dinner), and they can also be the sober, responsible ones at the main party, but definitely no need to sit separately. I've never seen that before in 30 years of working.

CoffeeCantata · 20/12/2023 11:58

I agree with you and other pps - this is Dickensian behaviour!

(Being Devil's Advocate, though, I remember as a teacher the sheer terror which descended on our table when the Head came and joined us. What a conversation killer!!!).

Goinoutalone · 20/12/2023 12:00

Our manager and team leads sit with us on a near daily basis, never mind Christmas dinner.

Sofita90 · 21/12/2023 21:17

In my previous work the owners did have an executive washroom but at least in the one dinner we had to celebrate the 50 years of the company they did sit with us. Is awful not to sit with you and seems you are in a sitty working environment

Original poster
Ceci03 · 22/12/2023 00:20

Lol @Sofita90 at the executive washroom. Am getting very grumpy this week. Not a biscuit or a chocolate or even a card from
them. Bad form imo

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 22/12/2023 00:28

It would depend really I have had some great managers and try and sit with them, I have had others that we all think should be on their own planet let never mind our table

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