DH is NC with his parents (3 years now), predominantly his mum. I’ve posted before and the advice from MN was to go low to no contact. It’s a long story but DH is a middle child, very stately homes, mother has disregarded him / treated him differently his whole life. I supported him in his decision and was, of course, blamed. I was the angel on DH’s shoulder always saying to give them a chance etc and so it hurt when it turns out that they said regarding our wedding day that 1) she wished he changed his mind and called it off 2) she wore black as it’s a “funeral” 3) I’m a psychopath and narcissist, 4) my dad fakes his disability (he’s very disabled, very unwell, under constant consultant care) 5) my brother is a druggie (no idea why) and in general some low level racism towards me.
Anyway, we received a Xmas card from his mum. She is one of three: MIL, Sandra and Sally. It seems MIL and Sally aren’t talking to Sandra and there’s been some falling out. We still remain in contact with Sandra and think she’s been sweetest to DH, but she also, when drunk, admitted why DH has been treated differently, that he wasn’t wanted and explained why. It was all confirmed true when sober with his parents. The card stated that they were throwing a big party for his very old Grandad (only GP left) for a milestone. We saw the Grandad recently at a different family event for Sandra that Sally and MIL didn’t come to due to the feud going on (we have no idea what). They invited us to the party, the way it’s worded is that Sally and MIL are throwing it for him alone, Sandra not invited.
Would you go? DH is unsure as it’s important to his grandad and he loves him, I also don’t think he has that long left. But additionally, the event is at his parents, his whole family will be there including the siblings he’s not in touch with.
To make it more complicated, I’m in the early stages of pregnancy (having a hard time) and don’t want his family knowing full stop. We will tell them when baby arrives (providing all goes well). At the last two family events where his mum was present, she spoke to me but actively ignored and stomped past DH, despite her texts and apparent desire to reconcile.
DH would go alone but I wouldn’t want him to, it’s always quite traumatic and his mental health isn’t great. So either we both go or neither.