To think there are very few positives to my life?

[divy]

Single parent to two teens with SN and chron c anxiety.

One .. 12 .. sleeps in my bed and soils himself every night. Attached to me wherever I go and whatever I do.From the age of one. Hopped from CAMHS to Psychology . Not thing resolved . Just chronic anxiety

Two ..15... isolates himself , regular bouts of school and especially exam related anxiety. ASD, OCD.

I am sick for the last three months with recurrent ENT infections. I'm worn out. I'm 49. Truthfully I'd prefer not to wake up anymore but that's not an option.

Ex doesn't see kids. Kids afraid of him and he has no interest so no break.
Just got rid of potential cocklodger as I'd no room for his tantrums and juvenile rubbish when he didn't get what he wanted or was pulled up on twatish behaviour.

I work full time with a long commute. That's my saviour. My only time to myself every day. I earn well but not enough to pay for what's needed . Dad is tight. Minimal maintenance.

I have turned into a recluse. I cannot bear to leave my house as I have no energy for anyone else. I did drink lots of wine but stopped as it added to my problem.

I'm now overweight , tired, unattractive , dead inside tbh. I can't see a way out. In hrt and usual vits/ mag etc.

I'm just about getting through each day.
I had such a wonderful life prior to all of this although husband was a useless fucker and sexually coercive .

Can I turn this round?

@divy you poor thing! 💐

You really need a rest. Exhaustion and the relentlessness of this is a big part responsible for how you're feeling. I know care services are on their knees in this country but hopefully someone will join this thread with a bit more knowledge about how to get the system to work better for you. The only thing I will say is that those who shout most loudly get more support, so if you're one of life's copers, or don't like admitting you're struggling, you'll need to get past that and let people know you're on the verge of not coping - it will cost the state a lot more to look after the DC full time if you break than it will cost them to support you now.

I don't really have any useful advice sorry, but didn't want to not reply. I'm staggered at how little support parents like you get and it's not at all unreasonable for you to be fed up. 💐

I would apply (and get some assistance to do the forms) for pip/dla especially for your youngest.
Are there any charities locally that support families with SN? We have one locally that runs youth clubs, and provides carers at a reasonable cost and supports parents.

You are working full time with a big commute.... so you have 'help' of some sort.

That's a positive

A lot on here don't

I do not have help.
My kids walk around the corner to school and walk home.
That's when I can get them in.

No advice, but I feel the same. I’d prefer not to wake up. There’s not really a way out.

i’ve nothing helpful to say but you’re not alone.

And yes, the feelings of ‘I used to have a good life and now it’s fucked for good’.

Hope things get better for you OP. It’s a long way off but I guess when your kids are grown, you have a good job and can start to live for you again and will have the income and security for a good life.