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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be a little hurt/ put out if...

19 replies

picklethecat · 19/12/2023 16:09

You were a classroom assistant to a lovely pupil who you had a great relationship with and really worked hard with her and got her grades up from D/E's to A/B's and on the last day before Christmas the mother bought the form teacher a big box of chocolates and a bottle of wine. I bought the pupil a gift and genuinely wasn't expecting anything in return but then I see all the other CAs in the staff room talking about their gifts that they had received. I think I'm more upset that I didn't even get a card to show appreciation.

I don't think I'd even feel so bad if the form teacher got nothing either (the pupil has no dealings with form teacher as she doesn't take the subject that the teacher teachers and also has a different registration as she is part of our SEN group) but it's the fact that I was completely overlooked

Tell me im being a dick, but I do feel a bit unappreciated lol

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 19/12/2023 16:20

No, that's rotten and I think anyone would feel the same way. Sorry Sad

SleepingBeautySnores · 19/12/2023 16:24

That sounds so unfair on you OP, and I can totally understand your feeling hurt and put out. Sadly, without pointing out the error to the child's parent, there's not a lot you can do. I just hope that in years to come, the child concerned will remember you fondly for what you have done for them.

MaggieNextDoor · 19/12/2023 16:26

That's really unfair. I wonder if the child realises their mum bought the teacher two gifts and nothing for you? I bet they didn't.

Original poster
picklethecat · 19/12/2023 16:33

Thanks everyone, I was definitely expecting to be told to wise up but I'm glad you see my point of view. Even a card would have been nice as I know money is tight this year.

OP posts:
Original poster
picklethecat · 19/12/2023 16:35

MaggieNextDoor · 19/12/2023 16:26

That's really unfair. I wonder if the child realises their mum bought the teacher two gifts and nothing for you? I bet they didn't.

The teacher presents were clearly labelled with her name on them, so both items were both for the teacher. It's no biggy I suppose, I think I'm just exhausted so tiredness is making it worse than it needs to be x

OP posts:
Rudolphtherednoseddog · 19/12/2023 16:38

You’re sure the mother knows the extent of your involvement with her child? Presumably at parents meetings etc she is meeting the teacher, so does she definitely know who you are and your role?

Otherwise yeah, on the face of it that’s thoughtless and unkind.

Original poster
picklethecat · 19/12/2023 16:43

Rudolphtherednoseddog · 19/12/2023 16:38

You’re sure the mother knows the extent of your involvement with her child? Presumably at parents meetings etc she is meeting the teacher, so does she definitely know who you are and your role?

Otherwise yeah, on the face of it that’s thoughtless and unkind.

I've never had any dealing with her mum but she knows the child has a full time CA. I've only been with her from sept as last years CA changed job.

OP posts:
Itsalwaysthelasttime · 19/12/2023 16:44

Did the teacher not offer you the presents either in front of mum or afterwards as she must know she doesn't deserve them as much as you.

Bippitybobbityboing · 19/12/2023 16:48

I'd be hurt too op, parents do tend to focus on the teacher quite often. Which is unfair on the TA's who work so hard.

My dc is in year 6, we do a class collection twice a year and this time, after much debate, we have given all classroom staff equal amounts which seems like a step in the right direction.

Original poster
picklethecat · 19/12/2023 16:52

Itsalwaysthelasttime · 19/12/2023 16:44

Did the teacher not offer you the presents either in front of mum or afterwards as she must know she doesn't deserve them as much as you.

The teacher wouldn't have known I didn't get anything as the pupil was with me in registration and asked if she could nip up to deliver present to teacher. so the teacher wouldn't have known anything.

OP posts:
SparkyBlue · 19/12/2023 17:17

No you are right to be hurt. I would be in your shoes. My son has two snas (special needs assistants) in his class and I'll absolutely give a gift to both of them

PastelHouses · 19/12/2023 17:18

This reply has been deleted

This is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

geoger · 19/12/2023 17:18

That’s pretty thoughtless and I’m not surprised you’re upset.
But, it does sound as tho the parents don’t really know the extent of your relationship with their child. How old is the child? Did they not realise that you were gift less? Have they not mentioned to their parents how much time you spend with them?
I always make myself known to parents of students I spend extra time with (I’m a teacher but have an additional responsibility) via email and I will always include myself in meetings they have with other teachers/form tutor. Maybe send an email in the new year

RedHelenB · 19/12/2023 17:22

IME all the children with 1 -1 always demand that their parents get them something so maybe she'll have sonething for you another day?

hiredandsqueak · 19/12/2023 17:28

I can see why you are hurt, I hope it was parent being thoughtless rather than intentional. D had her own 1 to 1 but I used to buy the same for all the staff in her class at Christmas and end of year. I also bought for her 1 to 1 on her birthday because it was the same day as dd's so as she knew I appreciated her extra input.

IndecentFeminist · 19/12/2023 17:31

picklethecat · 19/12/2023 16:43

I've never had any dealing with her mum but she knows the child has a full time CA. I've only been with her from sept as last years CA changed job.

Show quote history

In this case, you haven't 'got her grades up' have you, you've only been with her a few months! In this particular circumstance I can see potentially why the parent didn't think of you.

Kittenkitty · 19/12/2023 18:04

I’m more surprised you’re allowed to give one of your students a gift.

Beautiful3 · 19/12/2023 18:11

Former TA here, never got a single christmas present either. All gifts and cards only went to the teacher for 2 years!

sakes · 19/12/2023 19:36

The parent doesn't know and must be grateful to have sent two presents. The teacher should've given you them

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