Made manager cry - was I being unreasonable?

[Coastalwalks]

Hi ladies,

Long post so apols ! I am changing careers, and whilst studying I work every other Sunday in a relatively up-market restaurant. I am on a zero hours contract. Managers are all notoriously brusque and rude, and as a result they have very high staff turnover. I am not perfect (waitressing is much harder than my previous job in FS lolllllll) but a perfectly competent waitress. When I first started a couple of months ago the manager was consistently incredibly tough and often rude with me, but this has eased off a bit.

There is pressure from the owners to cut staffing costs. I usually work from 10-16:30. At about 1pm, one of the regular girls came over to me and my colleague and said '(Manager) said that one of you can go home, so decide amongst yourselves who is leaving.' My other colleague (who does not usually work that shift) was due to work a double, and so the manager effectively put us in the awkward situation where I would either have to accept going home after three hours (I live relatively nearby) or be really unreasonable by saying to my colleague who lives an hour away that she'd have to take a five hour (!) unpaid break between shifts.

I spoke to the manager about this with my colleague, and we both essentially said that we thought she was being unreasonable in making us decide amongst ourselves, and that she was effectively asking us to decide who had to forego pay, not reasonable to give us a sense of advance notice, etc... She then started crying about how horrible it is to "have to be the bad guy" and stormed off. I cannot stress how rude and brusque this woman usually is, so was really shocked. I did not have a rude tone, and was calm and measured in all I said.

I later texted her to say that I appreciate that she is in an awkward position and that I hoped that she was alright. She has not responded. My colleague who remained on the shift flagged that she has made multiple people cry and is often rude and disrespectful. But I still feel bad. Her job is obviously stressful and means a lot to her, whereas it's just a temporary thing for me. But I don't think I was unreasonable in just standing my ground.

I put up with the rudeness because I would like to work there full time next summer between finishing studying and starting my new job in the Autumn.

WIBU?

That is not good management.

what? this is ridiculous! If I walked in and said 'good morning' or 'had a nice weekend?' to my colleague who then burst into tears because their cat had just died, so to them it wasn't a good morning, or they hadn't had a nice weekend, I would be unreasonable for making her cry?

OP you weren't unreasonable at all. She was, both for making other people cry previously and her usual manner, for getting a third party to tell you and other colleague one of you had to go home, and for putting the onus on the 2 of you to decide together, and you were completely fair to raise that with her.

I am shocked there is a place who send staff home on Sunday before Christmas 😶 Normally everyone begs people to do more shifts because EVERYWHERE is busy.
If they are quiet on weekend before Christmas, I don't thimk you have to worry about shifts with them next year....

You are perfectly reasonable to ask not to make the decision. She is ridiculous for crying. I would guess her rudeness and aggression is a cover for insecurities and when she is confronted she doesn't know how to handle it

I work part-time in a restaurant and to be fair what your manager asked is pretty normal. Most restaurants will cut staff on slow days, mine does, and on almost every occasion they will ask the staff to decide amongst themselves. Somebody may want to leave earlier or have something else do to etc. She wasn't unreasonable in this and I think you were being a little unreasonable in your response to her regarding forgoing pay etc. It's the swings and roundabouts of working in this particular industry.

I used to work as a restaurant manager in the UK and the pressure to cut staffing hours was immense from senior management, but she definitely should not have put you in that position.

I am so grateful to now work in a country where you can ask people if they want to leave early but if they say no, you have to keep them on their rostered shift. The emphasis is on planning and correct rostering rather than reactive decisions.

She’s a crybully weaponising her tears. Keep it moving and don’t worry about it.

Yanbu. She sounds completely unsuited to the role as well as basically incompetent. Managing people is a skill.

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. She sounds incompetent and honestly like a bully who is now trying to make herself out to be the victim.

A decent manager would not speak to you in such a negative and demoralising way, and would be able to make a simple decision herself. I worked in hospitality for years, and it is hard, but that doesn't mean you can treat staff badly.

This is a good point! Unless they are a seaside cafe or possibly an ice cream parlour, it is concerning that they are so quiet the weekend before Christmas that they can’t find work for two waitresses.

Dd use to work as a waitress at David Lloyd and they were forever pulling stunts like that. She was on an 8 hr a week contract as well, they’d try to send her home mid shift if it was quiet but not pay her for her contracted hours. So she started refusing point blank to go home and would have stand up arguments with the manager.

Ds1 had this at macdonalds when he was 16. They would put him on the rota for 6am starts. I would have to take him as it was too far to walk and no buses and before o got to the end of the road going home would get a phone call to pick him up as they had too many staff or weren’t busy!
happened so often. That and sending him and others home had way through a shift that I told him tk leave.

Weaponised tears

I have no respect for women who cry to get out of an uncomfortable situation & make other people feel uncomfortable & question themselves

She doesn't care if she makes others cry does she?