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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is 5 weeks too early?

24 replies

Lala727 · 19/12/2023 11:58

My friend has been seeing a man for about 5 weeks, meeting once or twice a week and he's asked her to go on a mini break in the countryside for a few nights but she's concerned after past experience it might be too early, would that ring any red flags or is that normal these days? Neither of us have recent experience!

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 19/12/2023 12:02

Met online 5 weeks ago or someone she's known for years?

I wouldn't feel comfortable going away with a virtual stranger. I'd also question what's the rush? Enjoy the dating stage get to know each other.

Newsenmum · 19/12/2023 12:04

If her gut is anxious then she should give it time. Do sleepovers at each others’ places first.

Rocknrollstar · 19/12/2023 12:04

As long as it is to a hotel and not a cottage in the middle of nowhere, I’d say why not? Are they already sleeping together?

Granthams · 19/12/2023 12:04

A spa break near a town = absolutely fine, live a little!

A remote cottage only accessible by hours of driving, and she doesn’t drive = probably not.

SatanClaws · 19/12/2023 12:06

Listen to your gut. If she turned him down and said it's too early what would his reaction be? That should tell you all you need to know.

Catza · 19/12/2023 12:10

Depends on where they are going. I went on a weekend break with someone a couple of months after meeting them which I thought was crazy at the time but it actually turned out to be a lovely time away.
Probably would argue against a remote cottage as PPs.

Christmassss · 19/12/2023 12:11

My third date with my now DH of 28 years was a week camping in France.

Olika · 19/12/2023 12:12

I think she should follow her gut. I went away by train with my now DH 10 weeks after meeting him but there was no doubt in my head.

Notimeforaname · 19/12/2023 12:12

Yeah once it's not miles away or in middle of nowhere, I'd go.

ManateeFair · 19/12/2023 12:12

Are you asking if it's a red flag to ask someone to go on a mini-break when you've been dating for five weeks, under any circumstances?

Or is the issue that they haven't had sex yet and she's assuming that by suggesting a mini-break he's asking her if she's ready to have sex with him?

If she's already sleeping with him, then it's perfectly fine to have a night in a hotel with him and I wouldn't see this as a red flag at all.

If she hasn't slept with him yet then yeah, that's what he's suggesting the mini-break for. I don't think it's particularly unreasonable or worrying that he's wondering if they can have sex soon after five weeks of dating, so that in itself isn't a red flag, but that doesn't mean your friend has to say yes if she'd rather wait a bit longer.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/12/2023 12:13

Of she's nervous, it's too early. She doesn't have to have done anything with him by any arbitrary time lines except her own comfort.

Original poster
Lala727 · 19/12/2023 12:14

She slept with him the 2nd time which is unlike her but not the reason for asking.

Met online 5 weeks ago and going about a couple of hours away

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 19/12/2023 12:14

I think a few nights is a fairly long time to spend with anybody, let alone somebody who she met a month ago and who will have always been on their best behaviour on dates. I have dear much-loved girlfriends who I’ve known for an eternity and go away with regularly, and after a few nights we’re all still very much ready for some alone time in our own homes! I don’t think it’s a red flag, but suggesting an overnight on a weekend would be a better place for her to start, much less pressure all round if she realises she’s not comfortable at the end of day two.

Mills86 · 19/12/2023 12:22

Hmmm I’d compromise with a day spa trip without the overnight stay first. But I’m assuming she only sees her new partner weekly as I did with my husband when initially dating - sometimes even less frequently if we had plans.

Mills86 · 19/12/2023 12:24

I also wouldn’t if I quite liked him as I do think it’s a bit too much too soon for me personally. I really liked my husband so I tried to play it cool.

Sapphire387 · 19/12/2023 12:45

If she's having to ask, it's too soon.

Original poster
Lala727 · 19/12/2023 13:31

Apparently she booked it with him after knowing him for 3 weeks and is now wondering if things are going too fast. I don't want to be too negative but that sounds very fast to me

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 19/12/2023 13:47

Ultimately she needs to do damage control. What’s the worst, realistically, that can happen? As others have said, there’s a vast difference between him driving her in his car to a remote cottage (absolutely a no-go); and them travelling by train to stay somewhere accessible. If the latter, then the worst that can really happen is she realises they don’t have as much in common as she thought they did and she wants to go home; and she tells him so, gets on the train, and the fact that it was too much too soon doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.

Rycbar · 19/12/2023 13:57

When I met my husband we both still lived with our parents. We went away together within the first month!

Original poster
Lala727 · 19/12/2023 14:48

I'd understand that but both live alone!

OP posts:
lemmein · 19/12/2023 14:57

It really depends on the location. I wouldn't stay in a isolated cottage with someone that soon but would in a pub b&b in the countryside.

Original poster
Lala727 · 19/12/2023 15:10

An air bnb of someone he knows in the lakes

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 19/12/2023 15:23

Lala727 · 19/12/2023 14:48

I'd understand that but both live alone!

If she needs to ask then it's too soon
If she's comfortable with him it's not.
They both live alone so i assume they've spent a fair few nights alone together.
Five weeks when you've seen each other every night is not the same as five weeks just seeing each other at the weekend.

Original poster
Lala727 · 19/12/2023 15:39

They've not seen each other every night, maybe once or twice a week with no stay overs

OP posts:
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