Bit sad after seeing ex

[Sandstorm33]

I ended a 4 year relationship almost a month ago as my ex was hesitant about any sort of commitment despite living together for several years, wouldn't agree to a small registry office a year from now, hesitant about a mortgage together etc. and I'm approaching mid-30s, he couldn't give me even a vague timeline so I took the difficult decision to leave.
Anyway in unexpected circumstances he ended up in hospital with something potentially life-threatening, I was really worried, luckily it wasn't the thing initially suspected and thankfully something less serious, discharged that evening and so I went to help him at home as soon as he was discharged and help him out with shopping etc.
He seemed really happy to see me as was I, it was bittersweet I guess. We have been in contact prior to this but I know I cannot go back.
He doesn't seem to have changed his mind in any way, at one point a couple of weeks ago he texted saying 'Can we not make a plan?'. I said yes, what sort of plan? And he never replied to it.
He seems to have accepted things which is good but no signs of wanting commitment still.
The thing that hurt a bit was that he was talking about how he's got the deposit for a house, so he obviously does want to buy a home, he just didn't want that to be with me I assume.
Anwyay he had previously said he misses me, but he hasn't taken any actions to show he wants to commit so I know it's the right decision.
He was trying to cuddle me a lot but I know that doesn't mean anything, he likely just misses the affection as do I, my abusive previous ex also tried to do that.
Anyway it's not an AIBU just feeling a bit sorry for myself.. I don't know what I was expecting tbh. I am focusing on myself and moving on, I know I'm definitely not going back.

Sorry you are feeling sad. Is marriage very important to you? Why?
When you lived together, did you contribute financially equally? I can see his point about the house. Is the doing the deposit 100%? He is happy for you to live with him, but doesn’t want you to take 50% if you decide to leave. Fair enough right? What’s the problem?

Sorry for the late replies, working in between.
I paid slightly more for rent etc. and food as I earn about 10k a year more.
The deposit was always intended to be shared between us, I would never be taking from him.
His reasons for marriage varied, no divorce issues in his family that I'm aware of, but he saw marriage as very final, the end of his youth, such a big thing, certain expectations, scared of responsibility, etc

But it wasn't just marriage it was kids, house etc.
Then he was saying he wants to propose the 'proper' way, give me the ring and wedding I deserve and so on.
I said I had no interest in an expensive wedding or ring and I'd get married in a pair of jeans tbh. My parents offered to pay for a wedding reception for us as a gift which was nice of them, I could see how that might make him feel awkward but again he wasn't interested.

At 33 you don’t have any more time to waste on him. Get out there and date if you want to have a family.

I was also with a commitment-phobe in my late twenties and early thirties. He’s still the same and I’m so glad I left him when I did.

Very proud of you for leaving 🙂 well done.

Now stay away from the prick! He doesn’t want you.

You’ve done the right thing. The difference between a caring, committed man who wants to build a life with you and a man who isn’t that bothered are night and day.

You will know it when you find it. That old cliches ‘actions speak louder than words’ and ‘when someone shows you who they are listen’ are so true. Prioritise yourself for the time being, get out and do new things. Clear your head and delete your exs number. In a year this will be a memory.

Dear OP, you're such a kind, sensitive soul. You did the decent thing by helping him out, that shows what a beautiful partner you must have been to him. But you need to cut contact right here and move on. I know someone who married a commitment phobic guy, and the man regretted it immediately and it ended up in a bitter divorce. I don't know about your ex but this guy was well known for being a serial cheater and he could never stay loyal to this sweet girl. They also married late, in their late 30s and 40s, and the girl wasted 2 precious years which she could have rather spent finding the ideal man for her. She also wants to settle down and have kids but it's the biological clock that keeps ticking and the closer you get to the 40's mark, the harder it gets.

Please do not consider it as a loss, rather you did the right thing by ending it. It's his loss for not appreciating you and wanting to be committed with you. To be honest, we can't understand what's on their mind, some people just aren't suited for commitment and it's best you ended the relationship. You'll eventually find someone who's ready to spend his life and have kids with you.

I wish you all the best OP, I know it must be hard but you deserve better and you'll definitely get it. Stay happy and be proud of who you are, you're worth gold!

I wouldn’t have gone to see him in hospital. You need a clean break. He’s choosing a single life so has to accept that comes without a partner to visit him in hospital. I presume he has friends & family.