Dad

[catlady123456]

My Dad has been taken into hospital with signs of either an ulcer or stomach cancer. He has been vomiting black blood after eating but this seems to have subsided a little. We saw the doctor this evening and he seems reluctant to perform any tests as my dad is 85 and weak. He said we should treat the symptoms not the cause. Is this the normal procedure or is it all about saving the NHS money

Oh gosh how worrying for you OP

I have no medical advice but offer a hand hold.

It's very hard when your elderly parents are so frail and in hospital. It sounds as though their priority is to make him comfortable.

I'd hope they'd be thinking of your Dad. Not wanting to do any invasive procedures that might make him more uncomfortable.

Thinking of you. I hope they can treat his symptoms and stabilise him.

Vomiting blood I would have thought they would have at least done a scan or put the camera down if the blood is like coffee grounds that could indicate that it's dried blood so the bleeding has stopped.

I'm very sorry to hear about your dad and I wish him a speedy recovery and hope he gets better however I understand how worrying it must be for you.

I'd say that it's normal. Do you think that he's well enough for an endoscopy? They'll have done bloods which may give some indication of what's happening. Their priority should be making him as comfortable as possible.

This is what I cannot understand I would not want him to have any unnecessary investigations but I do think we need an answer to what is happening

Any tests would be very invasive and uncomfortable; would your dad cope with that?
My dad was diagnosed with abdominal sepsis in April last year. The hospital was willing to administer very invasive treatment if my DSM and I (as powers of attorney) gave permission even though the chances of him recovering were slim - he returned to his care home for palliative care and died in a calm and familiar environment without any traumatic intervention.

@Ponoka7 I think he would be well enough
All his blood test are fine nothing is showing up. I feel he has been abandoned

@snoopyfanaccountant I'm sorry to hear about your dad it is so difficult I feel like I'm the only one fighting his corner

I'm sorry your going through this op and I can understand why you feel your dad has been abandoned, but I'm sure they are monitoring the situation and it's just best to carry on fighting his corner, but also take their advice.
I know it's hard, hospitals are not pleasant and it's so difficult as everything is out of your control. I've had this with many relatives myself and it's never easy , but your there with him and that is so important.
No real advice, but try to stay calm and I hope they can help him.

What does your Dad want?

It's about him and his choices. What is best for him, which is not likely to be painful and invasive procedures such as endoscopy, which have their own side effects and could restart the bleeding.

You 'Wanting to know' comes after the above.

Unfortunately in my experience, the squeaky wheel gets the oil in these sorts of situations. My mum was told her irregular bleeding was down to "age" and was completely fobbed off; it was only when I marched her back for a second opinion and refused to leave until we had some answers that she was referred for testing, only to find it was cancer (thankfully treatable).

Ask them exactly what the rationale for refusing to perform tests is, and check the relevant NICE guidelines to ensure they're being followed. You have the right to ask for a second opinion if you're still not happy. At 85 your dad is old but may still have several good years ahead and shouldn't just be written off. Hope you can get to the bottom of this, and that he makes a swift recovery 💐

My dad actually wants to know what is going on. He is an incredibly intelligent man an
ex head teacher and understands it all. He has said he wants to know but does not want any treatment. I don't know which way to turn x

Thank you for your words of comfort.
It really is tough advocating for a loved one but it's also difficult to detach our own desires from what's in the best interests of our loved one. I regret every day that we didn't ask for him to be treated in the hope that he would live longer but at the same time I know that he would have fought every painful intervention and the stress of that would have been awful for him.

Go back and talk to to doctor. Ask them to explain the treatment options and what would be involved.

It could be the diagnostic procedures are very invasive/painful/distressing and treatment options along the same. It may mean operation to treat cause and perhaps they think he isn't strong enough for general sedation.

Ultimately you need to follow dads wishes

If your dad is frail then invasive tests will be hard for him to take. It's unlikely that he'd be a candidate for chemo or any significant treatments like that. So the priority should be making sure he is comfortable as pain free hence them focusing on treating the symptoms.
It's really hard, OP, as you obviously want your dad to have the best chance of getting well again. But the medical team are making decisions based on their experience and what is realistically the best options for someone of your dad's age / health.

@snoopyfanaccountant I think we make a decision that we feel right at the time
I would not want to put my dad through painful procedures it is such a difficult decision 😘

If your dad doesn't want treatment then there is no point putting him through invasive painful tests. They can do a best guess based on the symptoms he is showing. They should be able to explain to him what their reasoning is for their plans and he can question this with your support.

Yes no point doing tests if it won't change what he wants to do

I'm so sorry this must be extremely difficult trying to figure this out on your own whilst managing the emotions of your dad being unwell x