To ask anyone with medical/paramedic related knowledge what happened with my mum?

[Quietplaces]

I know the below will sound strange and I'm not asking strangers to somehow become psychic and give me hard facts but this is something playing on my mind so just some 'educated guesswork' would be hugely appreciated tbh.

My mum died nearly a year ago now and the whole circumstances on the day she died have been playing on my mind on and off since but are nagging at me more and more rather than less as time goes on, especially coming up to the first Christmas without her and first anniversary etc.

I don't know how much detail to give but basically my mum collapsed very suddenly at home, later the coroner stated it was a heart attack but obviously we didn't know that at the time. Dad phoned 999 and an ambulance came, then I was only a few minutes after because I was luckily in the area, then not too long after that air ambulance medics came, and then some more paramedics (I think in an ambulance service car but not sure about this bit). They were all working on her for a long time and ended up talking to us for quite a while too during this, asking about her past health etc, which hadn't been at all good, and ended up basically saying they could 'push on' to bring her round (she had barely got heart rhythm I think and hadn't regained consciousness), asking us what we thought, kind of asking us to make the decision, we agreed it wouldn't be worth the trauma to her body so were basically going to take her to hospital to die there.

With everything that went on I feel like I was barely in the room and feel a bit 'dissociated' from that day which for some reason I'm getting hung up on, like I need to be able to process what happened to move on. The air ambulance gave a number to phone them for a sort of debrief and I wanted to but Dad kept saying he wanted to 'soon' and soon never came, now I feel it's way too late to ask them for this.

As I said at the top, I'm not expecting anyone to be able to answer accurately but just any ideas for the questions going round my head might help;

1. I feel I might have been too pessimistic about her previous poor health (I didn't say anything untrue or exaggerate but everything can be put in a good way or a bad way can't it?) and agreed too readily that it would be too traumatic on her to work too hard to bring her round. It felt like the paramedics were asking us to decide whether to keep trying or let her go and since then I've felt like I made the choice to let her die (Dad was understandably clueless). Would the paramedics actually have been led by us if they were on the fence about her chances or were they just trying to involve us and would have made the same choices regardless?

2. Why would an air ambulance have been sent? It felt really strange that they were there, my parents live in a normal town, no access problems or rural setting at all, and it wasn't an unusual emergency, would it have been to potentially get mum to hospital faster or just because they were around?

3. What would be the best way to find out if there were any notes/documents about what happened after this long? I know if it happened in hospital there'd be medical notes but Mum only went to hospital to be declared dead, is there an ambulance version of medical notes I could ask for? I don't think anyone did anything wrong to be clear, I just want to get my head round that day instead of having a weird foggy feeling!

4. Is it too late to phone air ambulance number for a debrief? How long after a death is too long to ask about it?

I just wanted to say I went through a similar thing with my mum, and then six months later with my dad.

I constantly go over and over the same details, and have recently been diagnosed with ptsd. I’m starting counselling after Christmas. I hope you can find some peace.