Pregnancy announcement

[Astrid15]

My sister in law chose my birthday to message my partner her daughter is 7 weeks pregnant. I'm in my late 40s, lost my only ever pregnancy when I was 30 due to coerced abortion. I don't think she knows that specific detail but she knows I don't have kids and I'm pretty sure my partner has told her it's a painful issue for me. It's good news of course and I am always happy for people but especially after a few drinks I couldnt keep the pain at bay, I am an expert at silent crying and my partner was too drunk to notice if my eyes looked teary. I just think to myself could she not have said the day before or day after, but then maybe it makes no difference. It's just hard when you never know when something is going to emotionally hammer you. In general I think people don't understand how painful it is, you're not just childless, you're grandchildless, in a sense futureless, and you have to battle with that the rest of your life, never knowing when you are ging to get an emotional suckerpunch. I've made progress with this for 16 years, better able to cope by making myself face it and feel it over the years, like the title of Sarah Polley's book, run towards the danger, but even though I've done a lot of work it still really hurts. Does anyone with experience have any advice for coping with it?

Thank you, sending hugs x

I don't think he really gets it tbh, occasionally says insensitive things, like recently "anyone would think you have kids the amount of dogs toys there are". He has shown me photos of friends newborns, which my friend has done, too, I think the reality is pregnancy etc are an integral part of society, the challenge is finding a way to deal with it. But yes there certainly are cases of severe lack of sensivity such as Ella has experienced, just awful.

Tbh men don't think before they speak at the best of times, and it would never have occurred to him to be sensitive to it. Especially if he considers the forced abortion a long time ago.

I am sorry OP, I've had a miscarriage myself. You always wonder about them.

Would you be able to talk to your DP about how you feel? You're probably going to be deluged with scan and baby pics if everything progresses and he needs to buffer that.

Thank you and apologies for hijacking your thread , but hopefully you can see how insensitive people can be in other situations too. I'm even thinking of doing CBT in the future because I know this is something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life, as will you so be good to yourself