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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Embarrassing?

17 replies

anony1mous1 · 18/12/2023 17:58

I have anxiety and overthink everything so really need to tell someone not in RL.

had a stressful morning with kids today so thought I’d get some chores out of the way such as giving cards to the neighbours. Knocked on one neighbours door he didn’t answer but we knew he was there as car was there. He hasn’t moved in yet as renovating the house but I thought I’ll catch him before we go away for Xmas. We stood there for a minute or so and I was just about to head back inside when he opened door in his boxers! I felt so embarrassed but kids who didn’t realise anything was wrong handed him the card and chocolates and skipped happily to the next house leaving me standing there with him. I just said “have a lovely Christmas” then I walked away too! Did I do something wrong? I suffer extreme anxiety and worrying about this. I should have left it shouldn’t I when he didn’t answer door immediately.

OP posts:
Original poster
anony1mous1 · 18/12/2023 18:06

Anyone?

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 18/12/2023 18:08

Why would you think you’d done wrong? He chose to open the door wearing only underwear, you were skipping round in your scanties! Was it a bit early? Did you get him out of bed?

FannyFifer · 18/12/2023 18:08

He's the one that answered the door in his undies, so no you have no reason at all to feel embarrassed. Don't worry about it.

Original poster
anony1mous1 · 18/12/2023 18:22

It was after lunch time. The thing is the kids rang the doorbell then we stood there for at least a minute that’s why I thought I did wrong by standing around when we should have left the chocolates and card by the door instead of waiting. I suffer from social anxiety so not sure what the rules usually are!

OP posts:
PsychoHotSauce · 18/12/2023 18:28

The only one that should be embarrassed is him, and he wasn't, because it's no big deal.

Anxiety doesn't mean running around absorbing everyone else's potential embarrassment. There is no scenario where you should be embarrassed here - you knocked, he chose to answer the door in his boxers.

merryhouse · 18/12/2023 19:16

No no, you're supposed to stand there for a short moment.

They might be pouring the kettle, or putting the ice-cream away, or securing the playpen; or they might be sitting in a large squishy armchair with a laptop and a cup of coffee; or they might simply find it difficult to walk at a pace healthier people consider normal.

(or on the loo, or snug in bed, or wandering around naked, one of which I suspect your neighbour was Grin)

Think how pissed off any of these people would be if they got to the door to discover you hadn't bothered to wait for them.

(The only awkward bit is when you're not sure if the bell rang properly, and you have to decide whether to ring it again...)

Aquamarine1029 · 18/12/2023 19:18

Of course you stand there for a minute after ringing the bell, and he chose to open the door. There is no issue here.

CalistoNoSolo · 18/12/2023 19:20

This whole scenario is bonkers. He probably did it deliberately in the hope that you'll leave him alone in future.

bananaboats · 18/12/2023 19:23

He answered the door so obviously not bothered. Presumably you know him pretty well if your taking him a card and chocolates so I would probably have just laughed it off.

TinselTitts · 18/12/2023 19:24

anony1mous1 · 18/12/2023 18:22

It was after lunch time. The thing is the kids rang the doorbell then we stood there for at least a minute that’s why I thought I did wrong by standing around when we should have left the chocolates and card by the door instead of waiting. I suffer from social anxiety so not sure what the rules usually are!

I know you suffer from social anxiety but surely you can't have got to adulthood, without knowing if you ring someone's doorbell and they answer a minute later in their shorts, that's their own choice?

Original poster
anony1mous1 · 18/12/2023 19:50

The thing is we don’t know them very well just the odd hello etc. it’s our first Christmas here so moved in less than a year ago. I was hoping it was a nice gesture! But I’ve made things awkward now

OP posts:
persisted · 18/12/2023 19:56

It was a nice gesture, you haven't made it awkward.

No-one answers the door after the bell is rung and is surprised to find someone there. He thought you would be there, and you were. That's the rule.

If I answer the door wearing my dressing gown and it's the postman that's on me. Neither of us has to be embarrassed, it's just what happens. Same rules apply.

happyinherts · 18/12/2023 19:58

He has a door in his boxers?

Original poster
anony1mous1 · 18/12/2023 20:40

Lol!! @happyinherts

OP posts:
Original poster
anony1mous1 · 18/12/2023 20:40

Thank you all! I feel a bit better. I have a tendency to spiral and blame myself in these situations. Thank you

OP posts:
Keepingongoing · 18/12/2023 21:00

I think it’s very nice of you to do cards and little gifts for neighbours when your social anxiety is so intense.

You were fine….it was his choice to open the door in his boxers.

Jf20 · 18/12/2023 21:04

There is no issue with him answering the door in a pair of shorts and you’re supposed to wait when you knock on the door. To give people time to answer it. Honestly this is just your anxiety there is no awkwardness in real life.

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