To want to skip Christmas

[Scroogemas]

I used to love Christmas as a kid, so I guess I felt like I should always love it. I want to still love it.

Obviously the magic fades into your teens and young adulthood, but I still enjoyed it. Parties, decorations, presents, a chance to socialise and see people, family etc. But the last few years it just seems to get worse and worse.

I only really have my parents. No kids or siblings. I have cousins but they’re not close really. There are two who are local and at one point I did seem to get to see them at Christmas but that’s all stopped again now. I used to spend Xmas day with my ex’s family which I enjoyed, but current DP has estranged family and his son lives miles away, so no one to see on his side either.

The present buying - again I used to enjoy it. I DO enjoy it, IF there’s something to buy. But it gets harder each year to think of something worthwhile to buy for my mum. She doesn’t mind, but I’d like to get her something nice that she’ll use and appreciate, not just junk or smellies that she’s not truly interested in.

Same for DP, there’s not really anything specific he wants, and I am OVERWHELMED with it all. I simply cannot focus or motivate myself to do anything more for Christmas. It feels like the deadline has been and gone now. I used to merrily do my shopping on 23/24 dec but honestly, I just can’t.

I have one smallish thing for DP and another thing that I’ve not even been to pick up. It’s something he wants but after further conversation I think I’ve got the wrong “version” of this thing so I don’t know what to do now.

I just want to skip it all tbh, I’m not feeling festive, I’m not feeling happy, I’d rather not receive anything myself than have to go through what feels like an impossible task of buying presents 🥲

It feels like I’m outside looking in at people enjoying Christmas. I’ve not even been to a party this year either as work events have somewhat dried up these days.

Sorry for the ramble, sometimes it’s nice to write it all down!

Absolutely fine to skip it. My partner is going away to take kiddo to see grandparents. I opted out as it is manic, expensive and they are very religious. I am just taking time to rest, recuperate, read, do little fun things for myself and drink prosecco at lunch time.
I already said I didn't want to do presents this year because nobody knows what they want (including me) and it seems silly to get tat for everyone just out of tradition.
We are having early Christmas dinner on the 22nd and I am going hiking with a friend on the 23rd. I am looking forward to spending some quality time with myself for the rest of the festive period.

I think I’m suckered in by the “tradition” of giving presents and I do enjoy that, but I’m feeling this year that it’s just not worth the stress and upset that I’m feeling right now. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this bad about it all, and I just thought the other day “I shouldn’t have to feel like this”

Both DP and my mum have said they aren’t bothered which just leaves one friend to pick up a couple of bits for. I just feel really bad about spoiling Christmas for everyone by being the one to opt out.

You are not spoiling it. Everyone in your circle seem fine with your plan so take it at face value.
I am a massive Christmas person but I am just not feeling it right now. And when I tell people about my plans, they start feeling sorry for me as they think it must be very lonely to be by myself at Christmas. Honestly, I can't wait!
Embrace the slog and don't worry about it. Christmas cheer is not something you should be forced to fake.

Why don't you sit down with your partner and make plans to go away next Christmas?
It could be somewhere Christmas themed like Lapland or somewhere with snow or the opposite and go somewhere warm and sunny?

I have quite a few friends who no longer do a traditional Christmas for various reasons and they depart with a 'see you when it's all over' as they venture off away from it all here.

So sorry you are feeling overwhelmed op. Christmas can be a very hard time of year.

I don't want to sound harsh or unkind saying this, but compared to a lot of people, your Christmas obligations sound relatively straightforward, so just trying to dig down here, what is it exactly that is making you feel this way do you think?

Have you been feeling a bit lacklustre and overwhelmed by life generally this year? Could you be depressed?

Or is it a question of Christmas not feeling particularly special because it is same small group of people, same old thing?

Or is there some stress and sadness around your relationships with those people?

Or , you mention cousins, and kids, and siblings, are you feeling like there is something missing in your life?

Obviously you don't have to tell us here but can you tap in to your feelings a bit more?

Generally, if I am feeling very overwhelmed by the prospect of something like this, then I do one of three things;

1. Decide if you are feeling strong enough to suck it up and let go and just take what comes for the sake of everyone else, and sometimes that is possible, and it turns out better than anticipated, but you also have to be open to it being hard, or
2. Take control yourself. Change the arrangements so that they suit you. Do something you enjoy on Christmas day. It sounds like you are thinking of everyone else but you are allowed to put your own wishes first sometimes! If you would prefer to go out for a drink and then come home and start oil painting or something then go for it. Or,
3. Do a mixture of above and try and meet other people's needs but hang on to some of your own and be clear about your boundaries.

The trick is to be very clear with yourself and others how you plan the Christmas period. Of course you are allowed to skip it entirely if that is your preference and it wouldn't rupture family relationships forever! Even if it does, that is also a legitimate choice. You are steering the boat op.

The great news is that you are an adult woman and you don't need permission from anyone to do what you want to do over Chrismas!

Have a good one!

Do you know what, OP, for the first time ever I am right there with you. Something about this year - illness, stressful time at work, miserable weather, no money, just makes it not magical or special at all. I just can't wait for it to be over and I am so tempted to book a holiday over Christmas next year

Op are you ok? Outside of xmas prep I mean. You sound really low, and I wonder if it's just Xmas or of you felt this way before now?#

You’re going through the motions rather than genuinely enjoying yourself.
A common response to stress.
I don’t think it’s Christmas you hate, I think life in general is overwhelming you and Christmas is the final straw.
What else is going on / has been going on for you this year?

OP just think that this time next week it'll nearly be over again for a whole YEAR. That's what's getting me through!

After buying Xmas presents every year I am also wanting to skip it. It is getting harder and harder. We are eating out Xmas eve, Xmas day and Boxing Day. I can’t deal with cooking and all that on top. However, is to normal restaurants and not the four-five course meals most places offer.

It's ok, some Xmas will feel different to others. Enjoy the good ones and just push through the not so good ones.

Thanks everyone for your understanding ❤️

@Freddyschase554 that’s not harsh at all 🙂 I’m well aware that these are “first world problems” and many others have it much worse.

But you and other posters are right, I do think (know?) there is more to it. I’m pretty sure I do have some other things going on with my mental health and may be suffering from a neurodivergence that’s been making things difficult for a longer period of time. I think that is making it worse. Luckily my partner and parents are understanding about the Christmas thing. I just saw my mum this evening and told her how I was feeling. She gave me a hug and said not to get stressed about it 🥲 but I’m still punishing myself for it.

Op I would LOVE to opt out for Christmas.

I can't as I have little ones and some very elderly very much loved grandparents to cater for on the day.

But I do it for them not me.

Once I can, I'm going to start booking holidays over Christmas. Somewhere by the pool in the warm and sunshine.

Heavenly

I’ve skipped it every year for the last 20 odd. It’s honestly not compulsory.

Do you have children? If so, do you not feel obliged to make it good for them? Or elderly parents? I have both, and I Do feel obliged. Otherwise there's nothing more I'd love to do than go abroad, somewhere hot, and forget it's even Christmas. But I care too much to do that.

We pretty much skip it every year, as we're really not bothered. It's not a compulsory thing, so just do as much or as little as you want. After all, it really is only one day.

One child, yes. Now a teenager.

Parents are in their 70s and one of the reasons I hate Xmas. As teenagers both my sister and I worked Xmas day, and then went into the police force and NHS respectively, so 25th Dec has no meaning at all to any of us.

We’ve go away at least every other year, either somewhere hot or somewhere very cold. When we are at home it’s the smallest nod we give to Xmas. A few fairy lights, an advent calendar for DD and a meal at some point between November and February. DD gets some cash and a few small gifts from us but nothing from the extended families.

it works for us. And it’s zero stress. I highly recommend it.

We’re a highly neuro divergent family.

The day we confirm to any convention is the day he’ll freezes over!

Your mum sounds lovely op! That’s so good that you told her and that she was understanding.

It doesn’t sound like your family mind that much so I am sure you are not ruining their Christmas op!

I hope you can relax now that you have made a huge first step in taking care of yourself. If you need to step away from Christmas this year and reset your mental health then that’s really important. No one would bat an eyelid if you had a physical illness and had the flu for a week or something!

Take care op and I hope you can find the answers you are looking for 💐

Your find to skip it but I tend to find now Christmas is not about presents but doing Christmassey things.

Going to a carol and candles concert on Xmas Eve with friends and then they're coming round to mine for dinner. Lovely!

Christmas isn't about presents when there's no DC involved. It's about seeing people who matter to you and also taking a break if you can and using the time to relax and do the things you enjoy.

Vow to only exchange token presents with DP. There's no point buying 'things' because you either need to be specific or risk getting it wrong.

So just don't bother and buy your own things as and when you want them. Makes no sense to designate clothes, tech etc as gifts between adults.

Likewise for your DM. Unless she's struggling financially and you buying her things is the only chance she has to get them, don't worry so much about getting her the right gift.

She'd probably rather spend time with you. How about getting her flowers, chocolates or other consumable that she does like then vouchers so you can have a shopping trip or theatre or gallery visit and lunch or cocktails together after Christmas?

There’s nothing at at all wrong with not being bothered about Christmas. To me it’s something you do for the kids or for other loved ones - if your family aren’t bothered about celebrating then just do the stress free minimum

It sounds like you would be having a low level Christmas anyway?
You only have 3 presents to buy (DM, DP & friend. Unless I have missed something?) so can you push yourself to get them sorted out today and consider it job done.
If you opt out of Christmas the world will keep turning, nothing bad will happen but it sounds to me like the pressure to join in is coming entirely from yourself!
I notice you mentioned that you weren't having any work nights out this year, are you unhappy about that? Could you do your own festive night out with your partner and parents?

Christmas isn't compulsary. Work out what you want to do ..... and do that.

As others have said, it is not compulsory. Yes, we dutifully did it when the DC were small but by not doing much now they are adults it has freed them from that horrible obligation to come home or not have other far more exciting plans. We contribute financially to those instead of buying crap to exchange.

I really cannot understand this obsession with 25 December. See your family another day, they will honestly look and sound exactly the same as if you saw them on some spurious religious date.