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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Trying for a baby even though Ds wants his bedroom back

28 replies

sailsaway · 18/12/2023 16:38

Ds moved out a couple of years ago and we discussed having another baby, we only have a 2 bed and with him moving out we decided to try.

I am so time is running out for me.
Ds has asked if he can move back home for a while which of course he will be but aibu to continue to try for a baby with a view to baby eventually having his bedroom or to leave it now as he's back in his room and we have no idea how long he needs to get back on his feet but that will probably mean we have no time in the future to have another.

OP posts:
blackfluffycat · 18/12/2023 16:41

How old is he?

Not the point but I don't envy you having a newborn and a teen.
Why the age gap? Fertility issues of new DP? Sorry non of my business.

Babies don't need their own room until they are 1-3 do they?

AlmostAJillSandwich · 18/12/2023 16:42

If you and your partner want a baby, i wouldn't let an older child dictate you can't have one. He's got at least 9 months to sort himself out to move back out.

Original poster
sailsaway · 18/12/2023 16:42

He's 24 and the age gap is that we only had 2 bedrooms and we're happy with one until he moved out but now we'd like to do it again.
I'm 41 now.

OP posts:
IkeaMeatballGravy · 18/12/2023 16:43

How old is DS?

FionnulaTheCooler · 18/12/2023 16:43

I'm sure the prospect of sharing a house with a screaming baby keeping him up all night will motivate him to get his own place again.

Daisies12 · 18/12/2023 16:44

I'd try, but I'm sure you know well enough the lower likelihood at your age. And even if successful, you've got a couple of years buffer during pregnancy and newborn when they share with you.

LolaSmiles · 18/12/2023 16:45

If he was 18/19 I'd be more understanding but he's a man in his 20s and doesn't get to demand his parents keep a room for him indefinitely.

If you want to try for a baby then do it. It's yours and your partner's decision.

MarleyandMarleyWoooo · 18/12/2023 16:47

i think I’d let him move back in on the basis that he was actively looking for a new place/saving to do so. And yes, I’d keep ttc. The absolute earliest you’d need that other room would be spring 2025 anyway, based on you getting pregnant immediately (unlikely for most people!) and then baby staying in with you for six months. I’d not change my plans anyway.

Sprogonthetyne · 18/12/2023 16:48

Even if you fall pregnant straight away, you've got 9 months before baby arrives, then a year before it needs a room. Could easily be 2 years or more before it becomes an issue, by which point I would expect a (then) 26 year old to be able to sort themselves out.

At your age you either need to start straight away or give up on the idea. Waiting a couple of years then trying might not be an option.

Original poster
sailsaway · 18/12/2023 16:51

He hasn't demanded anything as he has no idea of our plans which at my age may or may not happen.
I just wondered if it was unkind to keep trying with a view to him giving up his room in the near future, when we don't know what he will be doing then, we didn't expect him to need it again.

OP posts:
LogicVoid · 18/12/2023 16:53

If you conceive tomorrow then it's going to be a while before baby needs to go in own room!

cheezncrackers · 18/12/2023 16:54

If you're 41 and really want another baby, I'd keep trying but I think you're crazy as a box of frogs to want another baby when your other DC is 24

Catza · 18/12/2023 16:57

sailsaway · 18/12/2023 16:51

He hasn't demanded anything as he has no idea of our plans which at my age may or may not happen.
I just wondered if it was unkind to keep trying with a view to him giving up his room in the near future, when we don't know what he will be doing then, we didn't expect him to need it again.

Unkind?
He is an adult man who is more than capable of sorting his life out. Are you planning for him to live with you until retirement?
I left home at 21 and I certainly would not expect my family to keep a room for me or change their plans in any way. I should hope your son doesn't either.

nutsnutspistachionuts · 18/12/2023 17:00

It doesn't have to be part of the rooms conversation but I would definitely say to DS at some point that while there are no guarantees, you wouldn't rule out having another baby. Just seems like good communication skills to me.

Floralnomad · 18/12/2023 17:01

its going to be over a year before any baby needed it’s own room so I really can’t see the issue . That said I wouldn’t be starting over again at 41 with an adult child .

DisforDarkChocolate · 18/12/2023 17:03

He's 24, he'll be so horrified that you're pregnant he'll move out before you need the room.

PuttingDownRoots · 18/12/2023 17:03

Pregnancy is 9 months.
Then 6months-1yr for needing the bedroom

So realistically... ill he still need to be home in 2 years? In 2 yes he could marry, have his own kid, more abroad, join the army... a whole myriad of reasons why he won't be at home

stealtheatingtunnocks · 18/12/2023 17:04

I’d let DS stay so he can save up for his own place, train him up to be an attractive partner who does housework without being asked, encourage him to date broody women and wait for grandchildren.

to be fair, this plan only works if DS is straight and gullible.

EndOfMyTether11 · 18/12/2023 17:05

Just continue trying, I don't mean to be rude but time isn't on your side and it may not happen anyway.

Baby won't need a room for a long Yet anyway.

Original poster
sailsaway · 18/12/2023 17:08

Well that's got rid of my guilty conscience so I will keep trying and see what happens.

OP posts:
Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 18/12/2023 17:09

sailsaway · 18/12/2023 16:51

He hasn't demanded anything as he has no idea of our plans which at my age may or may not happen.
I just wondered if it was unkind to keep trying with a view to him giving up his room in the near future, when we don't know what he will be doing then, we didn't expect him to need it again.

3 months to conceive (if you're really lucky)
9 months to gestate
12 months in your room
it's not the near future. If you really want another baby you're mad then don't hold off for a man who'll be 26 by the time you need his bedroom.

OhmygodDont · 18/12/2023 17:12

I mean I see no issue as other have said 9months plus upto a year till baby needs its own room and that’s if you got pregnant tomorrow.

I also think your crazy but the heart wants what it wants I guess 😂 good luck hopefully ttc works nice and easy for you.

RoseMartha · 18/12/2023 17:16

I think as other posters have said he can move back for a year or so and then find something else.

Devonshiregal · 18/12/2023 17:19

I think it’s lovely you’re considering your son. Still your child even if he is an adult.

(definitely don’t put it off though if you want a baby)

MintJulia · 18/12/2023 17:20

If you have another baby, it will be in with you for the first 9 months, so that's 18 months from now, plus any delay in conceiving. By then your ds will be 26 and may well have moved out again.

I'd go for it, and worry about rooms when the problem actually presents itself.