To ask if you are a parent/teacher at a specialist school....

[drspouse]

.... do you get or send teacher cards/gifts? Are you/parents involved in school much?

There was a specialist school teacher on Five Live this morning who was asked "so you'll have loads of presents then" and he kind of didn't answer.

My DS goes to a specialist school and though we have our moments with them, they work very hard and have a difficult job. His school is for SEMH, it's secondary, and he only has 5 in his class; about half the children live with foster carers. We get the impression that other parents aren't involved with the school, though I'm not sure about foster carers. No PTA, no governing body (it's independent specialist).

My friend's DS also goes to a specialist school but for MLD, they have a PTA, it's an LEA school and fairly big as specialist schools go, there's an obvious mechanism for parents to get involved.

And finally by friend's DD has just finished a specialist PMLD school. My friend was a parent governor and she said it was well nigh impossible to get parents on the governing body as almost all the children did not live with parents. I'm pretty sure hers was LEA too.

I am just wondering if the typical experience is that parents are involved, like in the PTA and giving gifts, or not really as our experience?

I’ve worked with two:

The first was huge, children bused in from multiple boroughs. The lack of school gate contact was one barrier to community stuff. Also many children struggled to cope in events with many children together, such as assemblies. Parents were also often on crazy balancing acts, multiple schools, a job etc on top of sleep deprivation. Financially many were affected too in many ways. It naturally meant less cards etc. They were lovely people, but a lot were in need of support. They weren’t a point of organising extra stuff, many would have even struggled to get to a shop. I guess also there was quite a paternalistic attitude from school, that didn’t cultivate that kind of interaction

Another was a PRU. Many in care, 60% roughly child in need or child protection going on. Again families were in need. Add in the face it was a 20 week placement… there was no PTA etc.

I worked at a SN junior/secondary about 20 years ago. There was very little involvement by parents and probably more DC in fostering/care than MS school. I had limited direct dealings with parents, but it was not uncommon for the parents to also have SEND and/or chaotic lives as well. I think the majority of parents had little capacity to get involved with school - DC being at school gave them a break from the relentless stress of their DC and even enabled some of them to work. They were hardly likely to spend this gift of time and space getting involved with the school. School transport also creates distance between school and home. Finally there are so many adults, and SN DC are expensive (if only because at least one parent ends up not working), so giftwise much simpler to send nothing.

Interesting question OP. It must vary school by school.

My son goes to a specialist school, we have good contact with them and them us.
I always send in cakes at Christmas and end of year.
Can not do more then that as there is a lot of staff that have a lot of input in my child.
I also thank them so I hope they know there valued.

My sons school doesnt have a pta and children arrive in taxis from all over so there is no community.
We send a box of biscuits in for all staff as theres so many TAs and therapists that work directly with him that individual gifts isnt an option.

Glad to see our box of nice biscuits is a common choice, too!

It's certainly true what people are saying about parents having a chaotic life, lack of school gate community. DS was in a PRU previously and one of his classmates' mums was a friend of a friend, we always picked up and dropped off, and they did sometimes as did other parents so there was some small type of school gate interaction.
Also at the PRU most came from our town or the next town, many were in the same bus (so parents putting their own DCs on the bus would see the other DCs).
However the last two years DS was excluded for a day or two before Christmas so we ate the Quality Street tin ourselves!

Also one noticeable thing was dress up days (Halloween, Christmas jumper, World Book Day) were very well done by many parents at the PRU. I have felt keenly the lack of special occasions that make parents happy to see their child celebrated and looking nice - and it's not just DS' unwillingness to do special things - it really wears you down to see all the other families' with their children in spots, Willy Wonka costumes, prom suits, bag ready for the year 6 trip, fun and games at the Christmas fair, when your DC gets none of this. I know the PRU was mainly intending children to go back to mainstream, but it was good I thought that they tried to get children used to special days and make it a "thing" as it's part of mainstream school life, and will be something the child's siblings and friends talk about.

My daughter is at a special school for both primary and secondary children with severe and complex ASN. Very active PTA/Fundraising Group which I was involved with in the past. When I was involved I definitely felt more engaged in school life than now. But I'm happy with my choice to stand back. There is lots about the school I don't agree with but I cannot fault the staff that work with my daughter. She is challenging and they really do their best. I buy all staff - teacher plus 4 class room assistants as well as taxi driver and chaperone a gift from my husband and me to thank them for all they do. I really do appreciate them. I also get my daughter to sign a card to them all.

I have 2 children in 2 different sen schools each are 40 minutes from my house and 40 minutes from each other. When you add the rush hour traffic I recently tried to attend a event at my sons school and it took 1hr 30 . So he got on his bus at 3.10 and came home jump straight in the car to get back to school at 6pm, it was a long day for a child with comple health issues. I've tried to be involved in ptarmigan but when things are bad at home I have nothing more to give, it's really difficult
Do always give presents though and there are a lot to give

I think we are lucky that DS school is only 15 mins and it's rural so little traffic! We had a meeting today there and left at 2.50 and were home in time for DD who leaves school at 3.05 and walks home 5 mins.

Teacher at ASN school, very active PTA/found raising group. Feel much more involved with parents than in a mainstream school as we converse daily through digital diary childrens’ learning/general day. Parents are very kind and send presents at Xmas/end of term, I always say these are not expected. Feel bad accepting them but it’s usually a bottle of wine or box of chocs.

I think the majority of parents had little capacity to get involved with school - DC being at school gave them a break from the relentless stress of their DC and even enabled some of them to work. They were hardly likely to spend this gift of time and space getting involved with the school. School transport also creates distance between school and home.

All of this.
Particularly now, with so few special school places and the children who are fortunate enough to get them have such significant and complex needs. The hours that the dc are at school are a small respite time that a parent gets to just breathe. I can't envisage using that time to then start running a PTA.