Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Parking issue - with drawing!

27 replies

Confusedandanxiety · 18/12/2023 15:10

In a nutshell:

I am feeling really upset about parking issues with my NDN's brother, who lives elsewhere.
He is deliberately parking partway across my driveway, making it difficult to get in or out.
My car is blue, NDN's is green and the brother's is red.

Full explanation:

All the houses are owned by a housing association. The ones at the top of the picture have parking behind them. Not all houses have cars, but those that do like to park behind their houses.
The houses at the bottom have driveways.
Housing association have been wishy washy saying residents can park anywhere in the car park. Technically it is resident only parking, but unenforced for years.
NDN have many visitors and sometimes park at the spaces at the backs of houses. The brother parks directly behind his sisters car. At one point I put my bin out to discourage people from blocking my drive.
This seems to have had the opposite effect on him.

I've had to text/call/knock my NDN a few times to ask him to move. I've never spoken to him.
Yesterday I saw him pull up so I went outside politely said "please don't block my car in". He immediately became angry, and said he would only be 5 minutes, asked if I was going out or not, then said he always sees my watching him park from my window, and he wasn't moving and I could call police if I wanted. I said there was no need to involve the police, and I had asked nicely. His sister came out, pointed out the other free spaces, and asked him to move, which he did. She kept saying she "doesn't want any trouble". My early 20s daughter came out and said "don't shout at my mum" and he waffled something about me to justify it. He said he didn't park on my drive, called me stupid and went inside. I said to my NDN I didn't know why he was being horrible and I didn't want any problems either, and said we had lived here peacefully for years and had a good neighbourly relationship. I don't know if she was upset with him or me as well?

I know that the police can assist if car is blocked in, as it's preventing access to a public highway.
I am also aware that there's nothing you can do if someone parks on your driveway.
I'm now worried he's going to do this, and could be really horrible and park right up by front door.
I'm also worried he might block me in again and I have to call police each time, which may take hours.
I hate confrontation and found it difficult to sleep last night. I've got an anxiety disorder so was ruminating for hours.

Options are:
Keep asking NDN to help, as he listens to her.
Speak to housing association about issues - this would mean essentially complaining about my neighbour, as it's her visitor. Other neighbours have complained before but been fobbed off.
I've kept a log and photos and if continues could maybe constitute harassment?

I just want it to stop.

Parking issue - with drawing!
OP posts:
Fieldofbrokenpromises · 18/12/2023 15:14

Great explanation and diagram. He is a tool.

Tinkerbyebye · 18/12/2023 15:18

10/10 for the diagram

personally if you have a reasonable relationship with your neighbour I would speak to them first and ask her to tell her brother not block driveways or parking spaces. And I would advise her that if he continues you will have no choice but to report to the HA as it’s antisocial behaviour by her visitor

OhwhyOY · 18/12/2023 15:18

I'd just go round one day with some wine or chocs and ask if she's got 5 mins for a chat. Then I'd say you really enjoy being her neighbour, [insert any other positives here e.g. so grateful fir that time you looked after the cat etc]. However her son's parking, though a minor thing, is causing you real anxiety. You'd be really grateful if in future he'd park in X place. Does she have any thoughts on how you might go about encouraging hin to do that?' Be polite but firm and see how you get on.

Oblomov23 · 18/12/2023 15:23

Love your diagram. Grin

ActDottie · 18/12/2023 15:48

Yanbu! We have similar neighbours who get their guests to park around the back in spaces that aren’t allocated and it’s so inconsiderate! Can you complain to the HA or management company? We complained to our management company who I think send a letter to our neighbours saying they must park in allocated spaces.

takealettermsjones · 18/12/2023 16:02

OhwhyOY · 18/12/2023 15:18

I'd just go round one day with some wine or chocs and ask if she's got 5 mins for a chat. Then I'd say you really enjoy being her neighbour, [insert any other positives here e.g. so grateful fir that time you looked after the cat etc]. However her son's parking, though a minor thing, is causing you real anxiety. You'd be really grateful if in future he'd park in X place. Does she have any thoughts on how you might go about encouraging hin to do that?' Be polite but firm and see how you get on.

I think this is good advice. But I'd add to it: instead of saying it's a minor thing, I'd say that it's not something that can continue, obviously. Say it in such a way that would make it odd for the neighbour to disagree. And I'd explicitly say "I really don't want it to get to the point of complaints to the police or housing association," to make it clear that they would be the next steps.

deadassjackie · 18/12/2023 16:10

I agree - keep involving NDN but if it keeps happening tell her you'll have no choice but to report to police or HA, even though you like her and want a good relationship etc.

MrsDoubtfire123 · 18/12/2023 16:16

Why can’t the brother of NDN just park across her car , blocking her in !? …. Leaving you free to come and go from your home. Honestly ! People are so annoying 🤦🏻‍♀️

Arewethebadguys · 18/12/2023 16:47

I'd tell him to move the car or he'll find it scratched. Every time he parks there. Show him a house key as you say it. Absolute prick

Tallisker · 18/12/2023 16:59

I love that you all have the same model of car 😂

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 18/12/2023 17:03

I wouldn't be giving a gift to the neighbour, I think that's a really weird thing to suggest.

I would just knock on and ask her about the other day, see what her thoughts are (it sounded like she was on your side) and if necessary, say you don't want to have to complain to the HA. That might be overkill at this stage as it sounds like this has only happened once.

I suspect she'll say something like she's no idea why he was being such an arse but not to worry she's told him to park better next time. It sounds like he wasn't expecting to be challenged and instead of backing down just got riled for whatever reason.

Malarandras · 18/12/2023 17:04

I like your diagram. He is a pain in the arse. I’d try speaking to your neighbour again as she appears reasonable. If that doesn’t work then I’d speak to the housing association.

Bobbotgegrinch · 18/12/2023 17:10

You might find that now it's caused an argument your neighbour will read him the riot act and he'll stop.

But if he doesn't, then you're going to need to stop being nice about it.

Every time he does it, wait for him to go into the house and then knock on the door, and get your neighbour to tell him to move it. Let her know that if it continues, you'll involve the housing association, and then do it.

If either of them refuse to move the car or get argumentative, then it's time to involve the police

stuck2023 · 18/12/2023 17:18

Unfortunately I think this would totally stop if you were able to have a man at your house to have a word the next time he tries this.
He sounds exactly the type to do this to a woman.

LonelynSad · 18/12/2023 17:49

@OhwhyOY Wine or chocolates? What on earth for?!

MrsCarson · 18/12/2023 18:25

If you are worried he may park on your driveway, park awkwardly so there's no room for him to get on it (if it's wide)
Hopefully his sister will put him straight seeing she lives next to you.

OhwhyOY · 18/12/2023 22:50

@LonelynSad not as a gift, more of a 'can I come in for a glass of wine and a chat' so that it's less formal and rushed than standing in a doorway where you basically are expected to immediately make your point and go away. Especially in the winter! It's a nice gesture which hopefully avoids the neighbour becoming defensive.

bakebeans · 18/12/2023 22:53

Clearly a fuckwit! He could park over his sisters drive as she's not likely to be going out with him visiting.

OhwhyOY · 18/12/2023 22:53

@ChiefWiggumsBoy I agree it would be weird to give a gift, it was more a 'let's have a chat over a glass of wine' type suggestion. But I realise I didn't make that explicit, doh!

Confusedandanxiety · 19/12/2023 08:51

Thanks everyone - it's good to have some support!

I like that you all liked my illustration 😅

My other neighbour witnessed it, and I spoke to her yesterday. She said she didn't want to come out in case he had a go at her too, but she did say after I went inside she heard my NDN have a bit of a go at her brother and he left shortly afterwards. So I feel slightly more confident that she will be able to control him.

He really is a horrible wanker; how can you get annoyed and shout when you're in the wrong?
When I asked him politely not to park there, I can just remember the vitriol on his face.
I agree he would have been different if challenged by a man.

OP posts:
biter · 19/12/2023 09:11

I'm confused. Why are you all parking your (identical) cars on their side? 😬😂

AlisonDonut · 19/12/2023 09:16

Next time he does it, he ask him to move, with your coat on as you need to go out, and just park where he was parked. Then get out and go back indoors.

Fieldofbrokenpromises · 19/12/2023 09:24

Tallisker · 18/12/2023 16:59

I love that you all have the same model of car 😂

I am oddly attracted to each of the available colours, too.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 19/12/2023 10:00

If he's aggressive I would just call the police.

Don't put yourself or others at risk to a clearly unhinged man.

Raindancer411 · 19/12/2023 14:55

He just kicks up a fuss as he knows he is in the wrong and by having a go at you make it feel more like it isnt his fault in his head 😂

Swipe left for the next trending thread