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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Helping family

15 replies

KimLove1 · 18/12/2023 13:38

I don't mind helping family folks fall on hard times. But I feel like my family doesn't respect my boundaries. Some family members have just become homeless and I'm helping the best way I can. But she seems to wait until the VERY last minute to ask for things. I can't just drop what I'm doing. Yesterday I get a call and she knew she had to check out of the hotel days before. She calls and ask if she can storage things in my apartment. I say yes thinking it won't be much. She brings a few bags and baskets and call back 25 minutes later asking to bring more things I say yes again.

I asked her before she left which was after 11am where were they going. She told me they'll be going to an air bnb. Because my whole house is sick we are took medicine and fell asleep. She text me at 7:30 saying the air bnb stink and was nasty (nothing was wrong with the place). Around 8:30 she ask if they could come use the bathroom. I only have 1 bathroom and my babies are taking their bath. I tell her yes but you'll have to wait until they are finished.

Then comes 9pm I ask where are you guys going. "Idk yet" what do you mean you don't know yet. I can help but I can't do last minute anything I have small children and we don't have much space. I tell her they can stay here but bc I have new furniture she needs an air mattress. They come and don't bring an air mattress. Everyone is asleep on my sectional I don't want my furniture dented. I work from home and my computer set up is in my living room.

I have no privacy because everyone is in the living room. It's so much stuff in my apartment I can't even plug up my Christmas tree. I had plans to do movie nights with the kids and make forts since they are out of school and now we're not able to.

OP posts:
KimLove1 · 18/12/2023 13:45

I made extra food last week so that everyone could eat and she complained about me not having plastic utensils. Another family member told her they could come there and would give them a room to themselves. But because she works from home and can't have any background noise they would have to stay in the room. She didn't want to do that.

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pinkyredrose · 18/12/2023 13:49

Why are they homeless? She needs to go to the council and say she's homeless and needs emergency accommodation.

MintJulia · 18/12/2023 13:58

You need to evict her now and tell her to call the council.

KimLove1 · 18/12/2023 14:02

pinkyredrose · 18/12/2023 13:49

Why are they homeless? She needs to go to the council and say she's homeless and needs emergency accommodation.

The house she was living in when my grandmother died. Her sister had it sold.

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pinkyredrose · 18/12/2023 14:04

Surely she should have had many months to find a new place? What the hell was her plan, just wait till the house was sold and then think 'shit, where will I live'?

How big is hey family, is it her, husband and some kids?

KimLove1 · 18/12/2023 14:09

Holding on to hope smh. She had 5 months and didn't say anything or ask for help. I got a call from a family member on a Monday saying they had to be out on Wednesday. When I called and asked why she didn't ask anyone for help. Her response to me was " you knew we had to be out the house". As if I was just supposed to know.

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KimLove1 · 18/12/2023 14:10

It's her and my sister who is 20 and my brother who is in high school.

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Catza · 18/12/2023 14:21

You say they don't respect your boundaries but you haven't actually set any boundaries. They didn't ask you for anything except to store some things, you offered multiple times for them to stay. So they did.
Not respecting boundaries would be knocking on your door at 10pm after you told them over the phone not to come. This isn't at all what happened here.

KimLove1 · 18/12/2023 14:30

Catza · 18/12/2023 14:21

You say they don't respect your boundaries but you haven't actually set any boundaries. They didn't ask you for anything except to store some things, you offered multiple times for them to stay. So they did.
Not respecting boundaries would be knocking on your door at 10pm after you told them over the phone not to come. This isn't at all what happened here.

I get that but I also asked them to bring an air mattress and everyone slept on my sectional. Even after I asked them not to.

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pinkyredrose · 18/12/2023 14:35

Is it your 2 sisters and brother?

KimLove1 · 18/12/2023 14:36

pinkyredrose · 18/12/2023 14:35

Is it your 2 sisters and brother?

Mother sister and brother

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Stresa22 · 18/12/2023 14:39

It sounds like they’ve buried their heads in the sand but they need compassion not judgement.

KimLove1 · 18/12/2023 14:46

My mother is grown and has been like this my whole life. She knew for months she had to be out. Even before then her sister tried to put her out. After years of trying to help asking her is she going to move. She got comfortable in that home. Rent is high I get that and everyone needs help. But I've been trying for years to help. But as I told her it's only so much I can do. I feel it's inconsiderate to ask last minute for things.

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coldcallerbaiter · 18/12/2023 14:49

Were they paying rent at the sisters house? Do they work?

KimLove1 · 18/12/2023 14:55

coldcallerbaiter · 18/12/2023 14:49

Were they paying rent at the sisters house? Do they work?

No they weren't paying rent. Only my mom and she allows my sister to sit home at 20 she could be helping.

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