To think this is rude and annoying?

[Hickry]

To think this is rude and annoying?

People not RSVP'ing to a child's birthday party invitation.

I have two kids, one all grown up and one little. Little is having a birthday party soon and less than a third of the people invited from their class at school have rsvp'd.

Asking around this seems very common now that the majority of people just don't bother to rsvp, some show on the day and some don't but you're just left not knowing.

The party we have planned is a pay per head and I need to give the venue firmer numbers the week before. So I do need a rough idea, but even if I was paying for say a hall, I'd still need to know how many to feed, how many party bags etc.

My eldest who is now grown up this wasn't a thing. People did RSVP and the majority showed up.

Why don't people rsvp?!
Is it keeping their options open? Lack of manners? Not understanding why it's needed?

It genuinely baffles and annoys me!

Incredibly rude. Yanbu. Can you chase them up via whatever method you sent invitations?

They're all school friends.

I'm going to ask the teacher to send reminder notes before they break off school. The party is the beginning of January so it's tricky when they're going to be off in the run up to the party we won't see anyone in person the week leading up to it.

I'm worried he won't have enough show up and he will be sad. The number we chose was budget based, I said how many could be invited and he chose them. But then if I invite more and they all show up I'm paying per head. It's so tricky!!

Like when they call to confirm numbers do I only say the ones who have said yes? And then what if others just turn up on the day?!

I left and rsvp and a phone number on the invites. I think all I can do is ask teacher to pass each parent a note asking to PLEASE RSVP.

The teacher is far to busy to be sending reminder notes out, you could write them and get your child to hand out at school?

This would drive me mad- very rude/hard to plan for.

'Venue need to know numbers so email me by xxxx. Otherwise unfortunately can't book you a spot to do y, but you're welcome to join us in the cafe for a coke after'.

Could book eg two extra spots, depending on budget. Not the end of the world if they're not used, but you can use them for late repliers if you want.

Please don't ask the teacher to do this. It is not her job and she has enough to do.

People like to hedge their bets in case a better offer comes along... I reckon a few days before you will get some replies. You are right though...rude.

Oh God, no! Don’t ask teacher to do this, it’s absolutely not their responsibility, it’s yours. You have to go to school at drop off/ pick up time and ask parents/ carers directly: “Hi! I’m Charlie’s mum. Just checking if Joe would be able to come to Charlie’s party on the 7th.” That’s the only way, I’m not a teacher, Im just a parent who was in this position often: children loose invites, parents are still sorting plans, someone’s ill, etc etc I think if you have birthday in October or February it’s a bit quieter and people respond better but still not 100% of them respond.

It's shit but don't get the teacher involved

Please don't ask the teacher to get involved, if you really want to do reminders then you need to do them.
While it is annoying, it's also common for invites to get lost or forgotten about when kids are young, especially at this busy time of year when so much is happening.

Most people are super busy, especially this time of year. Many (including me) mean well but forget in the midst of 200 whatsapp groups about kids school events/activities/work issues/Christmas plans.

Always send a chasing message when you need to confirm numbers for pay per head so it’s clear that they can only attend if they RSVP.

Most people aren’t dicks. Just give them the benefit of the doubt.

I think the op means she's going to provide notes, like you would invitations, to be put into book bags or whatever.

I think that's fine. What else can you do when you need to know?

Next time do invite by WhatsApp or text - so much easier to check attendance

I think I would put a little add onto the invite to advise if no response is received you'll have to assume the child isn't coming.

Yes I was thinking literally a small note in their book bags, not the teacher chasing each parent!

The kids are four and five so I can't get child to hand them out.

I have actually heard the teacher ask a parent discreetly at the door "please can you rsvp to X's parent when you get chance" (not me/my child) but I wouldn't ask the teacher to do this at the door. Like you say they've enough to do.

The school are happy to put invites in book bags and it's just the same really I think asking them to pop a note in.

I do do most of the school pick ups, but not all kids come and go at the door. Some do breakfast club and after school club, some get picked up by cm or grandparents etc. I'm still getting to know everyone's names and faces and I don't have any parents numbers other than the few that have just rsvp'd to me.

I agree the time of year is terrible in terms of parents having lots on. But friends and family I've spoken to have had the same problem at all different times of year too.

" to be put into book bags or whatever."

Put in by whom? This is a massive ball-ache and many schools refuse to get involved.