Inconsiderate Christmas gifting?

[Sunflower8710]

Hi all

AIBU for being a-bit miffed that my Christmas gifts are for my baby who is due in January? I just don’t think it is something I would personally do?

Example - my Dad has said to pick something out for the nursery and that can be my Christmas gift, if the baby was due in June for example, this wouldn’t be the case?

Surely baby gifts should be for the baby once they are here, not doubled up as a Christmas gift to me/DH as the baby is due in the new year?

pregnancy hormones are looking for reasons to be mardy perhaps?

If someone buys the cot you can use the cot money to buy something else. Can't see the problem, frankly.

“Something for the nursery” presumably means a larger / more expensive item like a moses basket, crib, changing table etc. I’d see that as a gift for the parents - it’s a generous purchase and saving them an essential expense. Presents for the baby are usually small ticket items like cute outfits, teddy bears, books - the nice to haves that are more fun for other people to pick out.

Personally I loved getting baby gifts in place of my gifts, I didn’t need anything but it was lovely to get little cute baby sets etc.

They wouldn't do it if the baby was due in June, but then they wouldn't have the expense of xmas, plus wanting to buy their grandchild a large item within a few weeks of each other in june.

These things need to be bought anyway so just use the money you've saved on yourself.

We were given a bottle of gin by my PILs for Christmas... I'm 19 weeks pregnant and they know this 🙄 We got a bottle of champagne for our anniversary too and they knew I was pregnant then as well 😂

I don't like getting a bunch of old tat for Christmas, so this would delight me. If it doesn't suit you then use your words "I'd prefer something for me, how about a gift set from boots / handbag from Kate spade instead please dad."

They are tight bastards basically. Yuck.

I agree. I think your dad's being practical. What would he normally get you for Christmas?

Fairly normal, I’d have thought. We’d have been delighted to receive baby stuff, especially big items.

The focus usually switches to the baby 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't do this myself, but I would buy gifts related to the pregnancy like I bought my SIL a thermal mug to keep tea warm when baby arrives, and nice PJs.

How annoying! I can just feel that this will now be the norm! If so, I will be sure to buy grandma/grandpa and auntie/uncle gifts for them moving forward! Things to play with and use for baby when they look after him! 😂 sure they will get the message!

I'd have been glad of those!

My Christmas present was a pram from one parent and a second hand nursery set from the other, child due long after Christmas. I was absolutely over the moon to receive such generous gifts. I would not have expected my usual gift then those on top, that's just absolute greed and entitlement where I come from. If I was buying as generous a gift and that was what the person thought then they'd get absolutely nothing instead.

Mmm. Maybe it’s hormones (and not an overinflated sense of entitlement).

FWIW, we were not given any nursery furniture by any relations for children born towards the middle of the year.

Just be grateful for this very generous gift.

What are you getting them?

You want it to be all about you, that's fine, you might well change too once the baby is here. Regarding your comment though, you'll more likely find they love it if you make those mugs with a range of photos on, pictures of them with the new grandchild. All our parents and siblings got very soppy once the baby turned up, they seem to adore him far more than us, which is quite as it all should be. (Our nieces and nephews probably rank higher for us than their parents too, if we were forced to pick, certainly I like hugging them more!)

Your example, pick something for the nursery, would imply something like the cot or something very big.

So your father is suggesting getting a much more expensive present than normal.

If you don't want the expensive nursery thing, then say no thank you , let's do Christmas presents as normal.

Would never ever expect someone else to buy nursery furniture as that's a really expensive thing.

I assume it’ll cost considerably more than a usual Christmas gift so I’d be happy to save some cash probably. And btw, having received many gifts which I’d have never chosen, including bigger stuff, I’d be grateful that he’s giving you the choice tbh.

All the best!

Yeah, do this. Use the money saved by not buying baby things to buy something you want. Much more successful outcome than them buying something for you that you don't want.

Maybe have a browse through the online sales that usually start on Christmas Day.

I do get a little where OP is coming from.. it can be scary feeling like you’re losing your identity and becoming “just” mum. So I think you are not unreasonable to feel how you do, but your dad isn’t unreasonable to do what he feels is a nice thing either. (Or to borrow from Reddit, no a*holes here 😂 )

You're being a bit unreasonable. If you would prefer they don't buy these things, then say so. But I am guessing they would have spent a smaller amount of money on a gift for you, so it's a generous offer.
Expecting the baby goods and presents would make you look a bit grabby.
My Dad has pretty much not bought me a gift at all since my DD was born!

@PhulNana So would I normally but I'm pregnant and can't drink them 😂