Christmas Day with SIL

[jumpingjackrabbit]

We usually take it in turns each Christmas to spend time with each family. Last year we had a lovely and relaxing Christmas at home with my parents. This year we are due to spend it with the in-laws. We don't see them very often and DD is very excited to be spending time with in-laws.

The problem is it means spending Christmas Day with SIL. For lots of reasons we do not have the best relationship. I find her rude, condescending and overbearing. Things have been said to me in the past which mean I now keep her at an arms length distance.

I can't not go but I am exhausted with SIL's behaviour and negativity that it always overspills into Christmas Day - she thinks everybody else has a better life etc. One Christmas Eve she took offence when after listening her for over an hour about her EXH I said I needed to go to bed. DH goes out for a drink with his FIL and BIL Christmas Day which leaves me having to make very awkward conversation, which she invariably takes the wrong way which follows more awkwardness.

I don't want Christmas to be like this. I just really want DD to be able to wake up at her home, but we live hours away so it also means that DD is unable to open any presents etc. Anybody else struggling with Christmas like this or any tips to navigate SIL other than self medicating with a G&T!?

This is the answer to all your problems OP

I've just signed up. 10 Miles of walking a day.

I'll be out of the house for simply hours! Every day of Xmas week!

Dh can be stuck in the house entertaining his awful family.

I'll be getting fresh air, losing weight and getting a medal at the end of it 😉

God, that sounds bloody awful. Why on earth are you staying 5 days? I know it's a distance to drive but even so that's completely over the top! At best I'd stay Christmas Eve to 27th Dec and I'd be looking for a nearby hotel to stay in. Your DH can't switch off to such vile comments again his wife and DD so you're going to have tell him straight whether he likes it or not. Personally I wouldn't go at all.

The problem is we live 6 hours away so going for a day isn't really going to work

Okay, but 5 days is ridiculous. If really bad, get up super early Xmas mirn, 4am if necessary, bundle kid(s) straight from bed to toilet to car in pj’s. Even with Xmas traffic, no way you should get there past midday. That means pretty much lunch on table soonish after you arrive😁. Then you only have to suffer half a day, get stuck into the G&T’s, plead tired from drive, earlyish night pretty much when your kid(s) have gone to bed/sleep. Leave after breakfast. Home for relaxed Boxing Day early dinner that’s easy to get on table. Very doable.

Edited to add, we were roughly 5hrs distance from in-laws and I managed so we were there and back in a day and that was with kids🤣🤣🤣. Get them up early enough and they tend to sleep in the car. We used to leave 5am but would have done so earlier if Xmas/Easter due to traffic, and we would get home 11pm-midnight. We just kept kids in oh’s the whole time when they were small and when older we just told them to grab some clothes the night before and had those packed in car, and they got changed at in-laws when we arrived. All that faffing around also eats more time🤣.

@HoppingPavlova why have you resurrected a thread from 9 months ago?

Update: it was hell. I have not spoken to SIL since Christmas and nor have I seen her. Utter bliss.

What happened???

How has that gone down with dh and in laws? Will Xmas in future be spent at home (though that would leave your parents out in the cold )? Tricky

Of course you don't have to go! Have Christmas at home. Who cares if other people are a bit upset? You aren't obligated to sacrifice your own family's happiness.

I do think you partially have a DH problem, though. Why the hell would he leave you to deal with his nightmare sister?

Sorry, just seen this was an update!

What happened?

Glad it's ended the contact though.

Either your husband doesn't go to the pub. Or you do go to the pub.

Please provide us with all the juicy details. I remembered your thread from last year!

What happened?

I hope you've made alternative plans this year!

Did your dh man up or clear off to the pub while his family commented on your weight..?

I wish you a peaceful and relaxing Christmas 🎄 this year. You deserve it

Agreed, and also there's lots of good advice on this thread.
Also, changing how you view this is helpful.
Lots of ideas on how to make your visit less irksome.

Looking at it from another view point, Depending on how old your DD is... think how many Christmas Day's of her childhood you have left? When she's 18, there's no guarantee you will have her every year after that. This is YOUR time. Not your SIL's - it's too precious to surrender it to SIL's unpleasantness.

As many have said 5 days is too long. Make your own xmas traditions. Have Christmas at home from now on next year just as you want it to be and do a two or three day visit after that. Your DH needs to understand that you can't be expected to stay "compliant" with this ghastly behaviour and you have the advantage that SIL doesn't like you. Doing what she wants and allowing her to treat you as she likes is not going to make her like you any more or less. Therefore you should start doing what you want.
DH has the right to see his family of course. But you have the right to be treated with respect and he needs to back you up, not sod off to the put leaving you in the direct firing line.
Too often people think that they will end up being forced into a confrontation and avoid it like the plague, but that's because they haven't sat the person down and explained what they expect from the person and how things need to change and that is what he needs to do with SIL. But only works if he is prepared to back you up.

I had to sort out my BIL’s snarky wife back when we were first married. Nothing major, just sarcasm. I took so much, but one fine day, she said something in front of lots of other family members, it went very quiet. Into this silence I dropped “did someone just her a cat meow”. Most of family were struggling not to laugh, but it worked, nothing nasty was ever said again. We haven’t been particularly close, but have seen a lot more of each other lately, and all very amicable. 25 year age difference, I am the younger. Give it a go…🤭🤣