To not want my new partner to sleep over Christmas Eve

[NeedingAGoodNap]

I am a single mother with a 3 year old DD. I’ve been seeing someone since earlier this year and things have been going very well. We have known each other a long time (since we were 12 years old as we went to school together). We went in and out of contact throughout our 20s but reconnected about a year ago and things moved very quickly.

My daughter has meet my partner 4 times and these introductions went well. My daughter always asks when she is going to visit again and is excited when she comes over.

However, my daughter is a little shy and reserved around my new partner. She warms up quickly to her each time but is still always a little shy. I feel like it’s too early for her to spend the night especially on Christmas Eve. I don’t want my daughter to wake up feeling shy or reserved on Christmas morning!

Am I bring unreasonable to say no to my new partner staying over for the first time on Christmas Eve? She’s welcome to come over in the morning and has been invited to my wider family Christmas lunch.

This is your time to make your new memories and traditions with your child whether that is having a special movie early Christmas Eve or whatever.

I think it’s very concerning that after such a short relationship and having met your daughter so few times that she thinks this is remotely appropriate. She is putting herself and her needs so far in far of your dd’s I think it’s really worrying

A new relationship and your first Xmas is exciting but so is the magic of Xmas to a child. Don't spoil it for her. You'd end up dividing your time between the both of them and probably disappoint both of them. Concentrate on your child. New g/f can come over after the presents have been unwrapped maybe. Mine would still be wanting attention, opening boxes, setting things up. You know you DC best. Stick to your guns and watch your g/f reaction carefully as this will be a marker for things to come.

Of course YANBU. Far too soon.

Don’t compromise a Christmas with your daughter giving her undivided attention, love and cuddles. The years are so very short.

the fact you DP will be disappointed and is making you question your decision doesn’t reflect well on her.

id step back and reassess. Lovely you have met someone, but don’t let the fact you went to school together make you play the we’ve known each other ages card. You have been in a relationship really getting to know one another less than a year and she’s met your daughter 4 times. If she can’t see it is no way appropriate then you have bigger issues and they need dealing with

Of course not, it's your child!

Thanks everyone. We have discussed it and she could see my points and understood. We have come up with an alternative plan where she will come over later Christmas morning before we head over to my families Christmas lunch.

Glad you've resolved it for now OP but do keep your eyes open. It's not normal for someone to be so pushy about staying over when you've said no. Not normal and not nice.

Nope, children come first and the fact your partner cannot understand this and thinks you’re unreasonable for it is a massive red flag. I’d be reassessing the entire relationship if someone thought their happiness should be put over my child’s comfort in their own home.

Keep an eye on this one, if she keeps pushing in other scenarios where you put your very young child first I would slow things down or end it depending on how often she feels your boundaries are unreasonable.

Christmas is about your little one. You are right to want it to just be you two this year.