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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to feel like there is no justice/Karma in the world-ex dh's girlfriend moved in today and they are playing happy families while I'm broken by everything he did

22 replies

Bedraggledmumoftwo · 17/12/2023 22:38

Firstly I should clarify that it isn't the OW from my divorce that he's moved in... That would have been an entire new level of hell and probably was on the cards back in the day but he thankfully removed that as an option during the couple of years of gaslighting us both while cheating on me with her and her with me and much more (once she and i finally joined forces the realisation that he had been "trying for a baby" with her to prove his commitment when he had already had a vasectomy was the final nail in that)

But fast forward a few years and yes we are fully divorced now and he is absolutely free to do as he will but today he moved his girlfriend and her adult teenage boys into his house. He didn't even tell me about it until I specifically questioned why he was converting his loft for our 11 year old daughter but eventually told me it was none of my business. He also claimed that he had not told his girlfriend any of our colourful history ( him repeatedly lying and cheating and then begging for forgiveness and asking for 3rd and 4th and 5th chances over a two year period all while he was still happily carrying on as before) because they had agreed that "they had both done things they weren't proud of" and that they weren't going to speak about their pasts.

I don't actually believe this for a second although I said oh yes of course i will respect that and not say a word🤐 Thinking about it later there is no way anyone would move in and uproot their kids without asking such questions, however unsavoury, so I've since concluded that this was just him gaslighting me yet again to avoid me contradicting anything he's said and to hide the fact that he has lied to her and probably blamed me for everything.

But all that isn't my point. It is more that on this day it just seems so unfair (channelling my daughters in a toddler tantrum foot stamping way!) How can the world allow him to destroy our beautiful family and I end up completely broken and unable to hold down a relationship while he sails off into the sunset with someone who he has definitely lied to already? It just doesn't seem fair. What happened to Karma?!

OP posts:

Erby · 17/12/2023 22:42

Oh come on, OP.

Don't let some deeply average bloke 'break' you. You're better than that.

Chin up. He's nothing to you now.

NalafromtheLionKing · 17/12/2023 22:44

This is very unlikely to end happily for him and new GF. He can run away from you but he can’t run away from himself and his toxic personality (just be glad you can).

Octavia64 · 17/12/2023 22:45

I hear you op.

My ExH got married again recently with all our friends there and all his family.

I left him with our daughter after calling the police because he hit her.

Icing on the cake - she did a reading at his wedding.

Life's not fair. It's shit sometimes.

MinervatheGreat · 17/12/2023 22:46

Be patient. Karma is sometimes a slow burn. Believe me, I know and others might endorse this.

Meanwhile shut these negative thoughts down and move forward as best you can. Build a new fulfilling life. Small steps, sometimes 2 forward, one back, but keep your chin up. Live your life with dignity and courage. Work hard at living a life with no thought for him or her.
Your day will come.
Good luck OP,

Original poster

Bedraggledmumoftwo · 17/12/2023 22:53

Thanks guys, I posted that and then fully expected to have my arse handed me on a plate so thank you all for understanding

OP posts:

Pinkpinkpink15 · 17/12/2023 22:56

@Bedraggledmumoftwo

Sometimes Karma takes a while. My Ex got married to his OW in the deeply personal venue we had planned to. A beautiful
place, but no connection to her, only us.

that hurt as much as his affair.

karma took a while but he's now living in a relationship he doesn't want to be in, she treats him like shit, but made sure she had two kids with him first. Now they have 6 kids (2per father).

I feel sorry for the idiot 🙄🙄🙄

Nagado · 17/12/2023 22:57

He might have sailed off into the sunset, but he’s in a dinghy with a slow puncture. He has either lied and blamed you for everything (in which case, he hasn’t changed and won’t be able to stay on his best behaviour forever), or he has told the truth and they genuinely have both done things they’re not proud of. In which case, it’s only going to be a matter of time before one of them does something to mess it up.

Use this time to work on yourself. You need time to heal before you start thinking about meeting anyone new. His time will come. And when it does, you will be healed, happy and living your best life. And you genuinely won’t care beyond how it affects your daughter. And that will be your revenge; being happy and not even thinking about him or how miserable he is.

ElevenSeven · 17/12/2023 23:02

The thing is, everyone (well-meaning) will tell you that it will never last and he’ll end up in the same position as before.

He might not. It might work out.

Work on your own life and ignore him, don’t waste your life waiting for karma/revenge/whatever. Hold your head high and live your life

KnittingKnewbie · 17/12/2023 23:03

I wouldn't envy him moving in with two teenage boys!

rainbowbee · 17/12/2023 23:04

I don't have kids but an ex did similar to me. Then he moved in with OW and her daughter immediately. I took years to recover.
I came across the daughter randomly on social media. To say too much would be outing- but she's about 22 now. The kid is clearly very troublesome and covered in jobstopper tattoos. (Obnoxious statements on palms of hands, neck etc). My ex is lying very comically about his job. OW is now the size of a small house and ageing very badly. She also doesn't currently work. My ex will cheat again if he hasn't already, and the thing is she knows it.

AuntMarch · 17/12/2023 23:08

I hear you, and I get it, so I am sorry if this is nlunt but I'd strongly suggest you work on reframe your thinking around him so that you can just be glad it isn't you living with a liar/cheat/arsehole. He doesn't deserve even the time you spend thinking about it!

Original poster

Bedraggledmumoftwo · 17/12/2023 23:17

Thanks all
Trying not to think about it, but it just puts my inability to form a proper new relationship into stark contrast and I think "what is wrong with me?" And then I remember how damaged I am at his hands and it just seems unfair🤦

OP posts:

Anisette · 17/12/2023 23:18

You're the winner here, OP, you're no longer tied to this twat. Celebrate that.

JustOneMoreBaileys · 17/12/2023 23:19

It'll be ok in the end.

If it's not ok, it's not yet the end.

Moonshine5 · 17/12/2023 23:23

You can't see it but you are the winner in this scenario

robinsnest1967 · 17/12/2023 23:24

OP I hear you, but honestly, karma will come good in the end. I had a similar situation which happened 10 years ago, but just over the last couple of years I think he's realised (but would never admit) that the grass was definitely not greener. I'm sitting here chuckling at the situation he is now in. Just trust the process!

Malarandras · 17/12/2023 23:25

But you didn’t have a beautiful family, look at how he treated you. Your actual beautiful family is you and your daughter and you still have that OP. You have no way of knowing what the life him and his now partner have is really like and you never will. But it makes no difference as you have yourself and your girl - focus on that. You’ve got this OP don’t worry.

ShortMotherfuckerWithTheIvoryHair · 17/12/2023 23:35

It's shit and it is far more often that the woman is left alone and in pain while the man moves on seamlessly. But they are still the shit that treated you badly and although she may not know it now, leopards never change their spots and she will find out the hard way. Try and find strength in the fact that you are free from this arsehole and he is her problem not yours.

EvilElsa · 17/12/2023 23:38

You don't have to deal with the twat anymore. That's a huge bonus in my eyes.

Firsttimemum120 · 17/12/2023 23:48

I’m the 3rd mum to my partners 4 kids he’s got a 10 year old with one an almost 5 year old almost 4 year old with another and a 2 year old with me. Trust me I wish I’d listened although i wouldn’t change our child for the world id change him. He has abused and bullied us all but I’ve stood up to him. Sooner than the others. He made every girlfriend of his life hell etc at some point… my point is I’m the third woman to have his child I have a feeling I won’t be the last either as it’s his trademark 😳 but my point is if he can do it to you… and the “original” other woman he’ll do it to the next one.. history will repeat itself whether that be 6 months to 4 years down the line it will happen!!

BMW6 · 17/12/2023 23:51

Of course you're the winner - you aren't lumbered with Him!
Karma is only for the deserving person. No reason why you would get to witness it.
Let it go. No-one on earth is worth it.

ChellyT · 17/12/2023 23:52

Anisette · 17/12/2023 23:18

You're the winner here, OP, you're no longer tied to this twat. Celebrate that.

Absolutely this! You have come so far already, breathe and keep at getting your happily ever after... it may not be in another relationship, it maybe in being a wonderful person, a great mum, a solid friend, a decent human 🌸

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