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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Need advice please from people who know about cats.

46 replies

Maisypaws · 17/12/2023 22:25

Hi, I posted on the Litter tray board as well, but posting here for traffic.

My cat Maisy is 18 months old, she and I live alone together, but travel regularly to my mum’s house for weekends and holidays throughout the year.

If I go away, mum looks after her. Maisy is quite a timid cat, but this has been happening since she was a small kitten so she is comfortable in mum’s house and the set-up works well.

Years ago, my mum agreed to take in the cat of an elderly neighbour, if she fell ill or died. It seemed a distant possibility at the time as neighbour was hale and hearty.
Anyway, yesterday she had a fall and was rushed to hospital, so it may be that my mum will need to take Ginger (7 years old, female, also apparently a very shy and timid personality) sooner than we thought.

Is there any possibility that two cats could learn to tolerate each other, in a situation where one is always the visitor? I know there are never any guarantees and it will depend on the individual cats, but is it even fair to try this? I desperately hope that it could work, but I want to be realistic about the chances of success.

Thanks for reading

OP posts:

QueenBitch666 · 17/12/2023 23:36

I've got 5 rescue cats. The newbie is always segregated in my spare bedroom initially. They sniff at the door so check each other out. I transfer smells via my hand. 7 rescues down the line it's never been an issue. Occasional cat spats but generally they find their own space in my house. Cats generally only tolerate each other anyway

Teaseall · 17/12/2023 23:36

As previous responses, it really depends upon the cats involved.

Best case scenario is that you mum's neighbour is only in hospital for a short stay and will then return home, in which case I d recommend that your mum visits the neighbours house to feed Ginger and spend some time with them for company. I'm presuming Ginger is an inside cat?

In the meanwhile, it might be worth your mum getting some Feliway plug-ins, which are supposed to calm cats, just in case Ginger does have to come & stay with her,

However, I've never used them so can't comment on how effective they are.

QueenBitch666 · 17/12/2023 23:37

Ps 5 females here

Sugarfish · 17/12/2023 23:45

It can work sometimes, you’d need to introduce them to each other for a short time and see how they’d get on rather than hoping they would rub along together for say a few hours or longer. Cats make it known very quickly if they don’t like each other. When two don’t get along or if one takes a dislike to the other it’s horrible and you really would have to keep them in separate rooms or they’ll hunt each other down.
I have two brothers. Litter mates and to me they are both so gentle and sweet boys. They love each other but one of them absolutely hates all other cats and turns into an fighty angry hissing machine. The other one has absolutely no problem with other cats, even has his own visitors he hangs out with in the garden, so it really depends on the cats temperaments to how they’d get along.

Notthatcatagain · 17/12/2023 23:47

I've had cats all my adult life, I don't think I've ever been without and have often added a new one to an established cat or cats. Once a stray mother cat and her litter of tiny kittens. Never had a problem. The odd grumble for a couple of days but soon settled. Most recently I brought 2 kittens home where I had a 7yr old cat. He huffed a bit the first day but then decided that they were his babies and pretty much brought them up. Have plenty of food available and at least one litter tray for each cat

margotrose · 18/12/2023 07:10

Having multiple cats in the same home permanently isn't the same thing as bringing one into another one's territory temporarily for the sake of a holiday or family visit, though.

Even if they did get on and accepted each other, OP would still have to reintroduce them both every single time she visited - and there's no guarantee that they'd get on the second time just because they tolerated each other the first.

Introducing cats who will be living together permanently, or fosters who are only there for a short one off period is very different.

Thejewellershands · 18/12/2023 10:12

margotrose · 18/12/2023 07:10

Having multiple cats in the same home permanently isn't the same thing as bringing one into another one's territory temporarily for the sake of a holiday or family visit, though.

Introducing cats who will be living together permanently, or fosters who are only there for a short one off period is very different.

I agree with this. Quite a lot of comments here seem to have missed that you said this is just for visiting, and are talking about living with multiple cats. It's not the same!

Aprilx · 18/12/2023 10:21

Lifelong cat owner here and I have just got a new kitten we have named Maisie too. 🐱

I actually think it was not kind to bring your cat to your mums like that in any case. Cats are not “portable” like dogs can be, they are far more territorial. I d not think there is much chance of the arrangement working out with Ginger and think you should find an alternative.

PhulNana · 18/12/2023 10:28

I know two toms called Gandalf and Rico who are neighbours and best mates.

GettingStuffed · 18/12/2023 10:30

It depends on the cat. One of ours craved cat company and went as far as trying to get a kitten from down the road into our garden. It wasn't unusual to find 8 cats sunning themselves in our garden. Other cats haven't been as kind and one literally was chased out of the house. We haven't seen him since, he'll be dead by now anyway.

In my opinion cats are either lions, happy with a pack, or tigers, want to be an only cat.

helpfulperson · 18/12/2023 10:33

I've got two rescue cats and often took them to my mums for weekends and longer periods with no problem. They went out there as well as at mine. They and the resident cat managed fine. We always fed our own cats and they had a strong sense of whose adult was whose. Mums cat also seemed to understand it was only temporary

Interestingly when my mum went into hospital/care her cat didn't cope well with us being in muns house without her or being in my house so she now has a lovely new home.

steppemum · 18/12/2023 10:34

Introducing the two cats and having them live comfortably together in one house is fine. It may take some time, and they may or may not be 'friends' but they will settle and sort themselves out with territory etc.

But having one as a visitor will not work.
You will need to keep the visiting cat away from the resident cat.
Every time your cat visits they will need to renegotiate the space, and that will be really stressful for both.

steppemum · 18/12/2023 10:37

but for now (and maybe for over Christmas?) I would leave Ginger in her own home and visit every day, feed and cuddle.

cats like their human companions, but actually they are fine to be on their own for a while.

Isheabastard · 18/12/2023 10:39

I think you should give it ago.

What usually causes trouble is when one cat comes into an existing cats territory.

So maybe your cat could be introduced to the new Ginger before she has gotten her feet under the table so to speak.

So either visit your mum before Ginger comes into her home, or she could keep Ginger in one room for the few days before your visit, that your cat doesn’t generally get access to. Then when the cats do meet, they don’t really feel they are the boss of the home. Obviously keeping ginger in one room is only for this first week.

Of course do all the usual precautions when introducing them, keep them separate so they can get used to each others smell, I think sometimes it’s suggested to swap over blankets with each other. There are so many good articles on line with more detailed advice.

It may be possible that this close to Christmas Ginger may be the sort of cat that doesn’t cope with change and sits under a bed for three weeks.

There are so many videos of cats meeting and either becoming best friends or at least learning to tolerate each other, that you should at least give it ago. Just make sure you have read up on it first.

DRS1970 · 18/12/2023 10:42

We took in an older cat with out three younger cats, and all worked out very well. So it is possible things can work out, but not guaranteed. I think the important thing is to give them space and time to discover each other, rather than forcing it pushing them together. Chances are they will come around to each other. GL

hilariousnamehere · 18/12/2023 10:44

Just to add that if you do take on Ginger yourself there's no guarantee she'll be happy travelling regularly even if she gets on with Maisy - my two are litter mates and have successfully come with me to stay with Mum at Christmas several times since my Dad passed away, but they hate travelling so much that we've since stopped - the foaming at the mouth and pooing / weeing in the carrier and general distress even though it's only a six mile trip just doesn't feel fair :( they were better as kittens but have got worse at travel as they've got older.

(I still take them to vet and cattery when necessary but it's not fun for anyone)

ginasevern · 18/12/2023 10:53

You've got to bear in mind that poor old Ginger will be feeling very confused and anxious with her owner in hospital and the sudden upheaval in her life. This could make her pretty defensive.

OnionOnionH · 18/12/2023 11:03

All cats are different, so no one can really say if it’s going to work. Ginger may get used to having an occasional visitor, or they might hate it.
I’d give it a go and be prepared to either take in ginger as a permanent resident in your home, or start using cat sitters when you go away, if it doesn’t work.

Laiste · 18/12/2023 11:18

About the Ragdolls always being laid back with each other ...

nopes !

One of my old (100% pure bred) raggies HATES any new introductions (all also only ever 100% pure raggies). She's a grumpy old so and so and always has been. She even hated her own brother! But now she's 14, we feel she's entitled to be pee'd off with any incoming youngsters 🙄😆

margotrose · 18/12/2023 12:05

Everyone saying "just give it a go" - do you realise that some cats really hate newcomers to the point that it causes them serious physical and behavioural problems?

wherethewildthingsgo · 18/12/2023 12:08

margotrose · 18/12/2023 12:05

Everyone saying "just give it a go" - do you realise that some cats really hate newcomers to the point that it causes them serious physical and behavioural problems?

I actually think the majority haven't read the OP properly to understand that the OP is talking about random visits to her mothers with her cat where there will already be a resident cat. Otherwise I can't understand why people who apparently have cat experience would be minimising this so much.

In my experience with cats (currently have 4) and used to foster for the Cats Protection League, this is a truly terrible and probably quite cruel plan.

OP- please don't take your cat on holiday to another home with a cat. Ideally you wouldn't take your cat on holiday at all. Cats are much happier in their own space or a space with which they are familiar (like a cattery) than being traipsed around in a car to someone else's home.

You're going to end up distressing both cats with this plan.

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