To ask if you would take the job in these circumstances?

[Wozzzzzaa]

I gave up a decent but very stressful job last year because my work life balance was terrible. I had been looking for a less stressful position for some time but nothing transpired so in the end we did the sums and realised that we could just about get by on DHs wage, along with a small amount of freelance/consultancy work from me.

One of the biggest issues we had when I was working (apart from the stress of my job) was finding decent, reliable and suitable childcare. The push factor for me leaving the job was that my daughter had a traumatic experience at the childminders which she still hasn't gotten over 😥

I've now been offered a better job totally out of the blue. Money is better and a lot less stress. Problem is, my daughter is absolutely traumatized at the thought of any form of childcare, be it childminder, nanny or creche. I'm not exaggerating, she was so stressed out after the incident last year that a lot of her hair fell out and she became very unwell.

My heart is saying turn it down on this alone, but a part of me is reluctant to look the gift horse in the mouth. Dhs industry is going into a quiet phase, which doesn't help.

I should add, the job is in a career that I'm excellent at, but not passionate about. I'm chugging along slowly with the freelancing, which I am more passionate about, but it's hard to make a full living out of it.

How old is DC? I'm guessing younger than Reception year?

Also, what's this job like in terms of WFH, hybrid or office etc?

The only thing I can say for certain at this point is that there will be many, many times in your future where your DC will need to be in breakfast or after school club, or will need some kind of childminding. It's pretty much unavoidable. I don't have any answers but I would certainly see what can be done to help your DC come to terms with the trauma. Easier said than done, I know.

Best of luck with it.

With cost of living being what it is, and with half an eye on the future, where more cash is better than less, I'd be taking the job if you can find a way to make it work.

She will have to get used to it in future when she goes to school. I’d take the opportunity

How old is she? What help is she getting?

She's actually 9, so not that young. She's had some psychological help and thankfully has mostly recovered but has a total anxiety block about childminders now. It's frustrating as she never had a problem with the minders we had before, just this one in particular.

Unfortunately we are in a very rural school with no after-school or breakfast club.

The job is hybrid, they want at least 60% of time in the office.

I'm flipping agonizing over it because it's such a good opportunity, but then again, I left the last job so that I could be at home more with the kids, which I would be giving up.

Jobs come and go. Your child sounds like she is dealing with severe trauma and needs stability and certainly doesn't need to be dealing with unknown childminders until she is feeling better (assuming she is getting lots of therapy/support?)

Having said that - it's not just your responsibility to be at home for her. If you are passionate about getting back to work and it's a great opportunity, is there any chance DH could stay home for a while and take a career break? Assuming of course he doesn't earn ridiculous amounts more than you and that you'd be able to manage financially on your wage - surely this could be an option?

Thanks for the update and apologies for completely mis-reading her age.

How would she be about going back to an earlier childminder who she was ok with? Maybe you could pay for a couple of hours where you stay and pretend it's a social visit.

On the work front, would there be any chance of working compressed hours on the WFH days in order to spend shorter days in the office. I'm just thinking that by doing this, maybe you could make one of the office days work around school drop-off and pick-up?

If you can get someone to look after her in your home I’d consider it.

I have two boys with ASD and recently managed to get after school nanny in the house and it’s been brilliant.

But really think about how it will work. I find work tricky to juggle and DH shares drop offs and general household stuff. I have a lot of flexibility and if I didn’t I just wouldn’t manage.

Given her trauma, I would stay at home. I think it's really important that her mental health is in a good place by the time she goes to secondary school.

Thanks ladies, I'm so torn about it (as you can probably tell).

Tbh it's a career I am very good at and enjoy to a certain extent, but I wouldn't say I'm passionate about it. Dh earns a good bit more and is definitely more established in his career so him giving up isn't an option. Having said that, things have become quiet in his industry and although his job is stable, there's an element of insecurity in it.

Unfortunately, we have moved house in the last few years so using the previous childminders isn't an option, otherwise I'd jump at it as we had one in particular who was super lovely.

I will look into an after-school nanny, I think that option might work ok, as both dh and I will be working from home a portion of the time so could give dd a sense of security while the nanny is there.

If you need the money then that’s the deal breaker really - and it sounds like you do. If you can’t pay the mortgage that’s going to be a lot more stressful for everyone.

could you do school hours in the office? Could your husband do some time at home? Can you get someone to look after her at home? Could your husband do some of it. Or failing all of that try and find 2 or 3 child minders you like and then have her visit them with you so she has some choice.