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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Happy Birthday to me?

23 replies

HRR107 · 17/12/2023 21:17

Long story short it's my birthday.

I've had a terrible day. The last couple of years my other half has made my birthday awful. I told him this year now we are in a more stable place, he really needs to pull it out the bag. Well another year, another shit show. Spent the day alone, upset, tired, no gifts or cards from anybody, looking after the kids like I normally would, having to put on a fake smile so they don't see anything is wrong.

I've asked for him to leave, basically ended things with him and I'm sat here heartbroken alone. Depressing post but all I wanted was a good birthday. Is that too much to ask?!

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 17/12/2023 21:22

I’m assuming you ending it isn’t just about the birthday, it’s about the rest of your lives together?

EmpressaurusOfCats · 17/12/2023 21:23

I cried on my 40th birthday & that was the thing that finally pushed me to leave, because I realised that it was the only way my life would ever get better.

I’ve enjoyed every birthday since, up to & including my 50th a few months ago.

YANBU.

cravinganother · 17/12/2023 21:26

I'm sorry to hear this, it's your time now to turn things around and love yourself the way you deserve! Take a day at a time and feel the feelings!

Happy Birthday Darling, wishing you a blessed future!

Original poster

HRR107 · 17/12/2023 21:26

DustyLee123 · 17/12/2023 21:22

I’m assuming you ending it isn’t just about the birthday, it’s about the rest of your lives together?

It stems from him consistently letting me down. I am so fed up of always being an afterthought. For one day I just wanted for him to make me feel special

OP posts:

AhBiscuits · 17/12/2023 21:27

I guess this was the final straw?

What reason did he give for not buying you a present?

DustyLee123 · 17/12/2023 21:28

HRR107 · 17/12/2023 21:26

It stems from him consistently letting me down. I am so fed up of always being an afterthought. For one day I just wanted for him to make me feel special

Show quote history

Then we’ll done for giving yourself a great birthday present 🎁
Sounds like you’re well rid.

Original poster

HRR107 · 17/12/2023 21:29

EmpressaurusOfCats · 17/12/2023 21:23

I cried on my 40th birthday & that was the thing that finally pushed me to leave, because I realised that it was the only way my life would ever get better.

I’ve enjoyed every birthday since, up to & including my 50th a few months ago.

YANBU.

I have cried every birthday I have been with him baring the first we had together.

I am so glad to hear you're doing better now. I hope that I will get to that point one day too!

OP posts:

Original poster

HRR107 · 17/12/2023 21:30

cravinganother · 17/12/2023 21:26

I'm sorry to hear this, it's your time now to turn things around and love yourself the way you deserve! Take a day at a time and feel the feelings!

Happy Birthday Darling, wishing you a blessed future!

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes! I have been trying for a long time to get myself to a better stage in life, but I have been looking after his needs ahead of my own for a long time now. Maybe you are right and I need to start focusing purely on me.

OP posts:

jadey1991 · 17/12/2023 21:32

Aww bless u op.happy birthday and I hope you have blessed and happy ones In the future.

Such a shame things have ended the way they have bless you. Keep smiling hun. You got yourself and the kids to think about xx

Christmassss · 17/12/2023 21:34

What did you plan for your weekend birthday, why put your birthday happiness in the hands of another person? You could have taken your DC out for lunch or another activity or arrange to see a friend.
I always arrange my own birthday and they are always amazing.
Take control of your own life.

Stickykidney · 17/12/2023 21:34

Happy birthday op! I think this is what you need to push on .. terrible time of year for it but sounds like it's nothing new. As the saying goes it's not going to be easy but it will be worth it. Hope you can have a wee treat just now to help you through the rest of your day xxx

Chimmo · 17/12/2023 21:36

Happy birthday 🎂 I hope your next birthdays are happier, you deserve happiness ❤️

Bolloxforsure · 17/12/2023 21:37

Make this the last birthday you feel like this because of him. The last day in fact. Cliche but life is far too short for this shit.

Happy birthday. What a gift you’ve given yourself.

Original poster

HRR107 · 17/12/2023 21:40

Thank you all!

I struggle when it comes to being alone. I haven't had the easiest of times in life but that's another story. I have been working hard to not be so dependant on my partner and over time I have achieved this. I just would have liked for some thought and effort to have gone in to today. I make an effort every year for him and he's always left feeling loved at the end of the day.

OP posts:

FreshStart90 · 17/12/2023 21:40

I’m sorry to hear this and at least from a random stranger on the internet - HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You are special and amazing, a fantastic mum doing an incredible job every single day, and you deserve to be loved and feel special. If it’s any consolation I’m in the middle of divorcing an equally if not bigger waste of space. He has never ever done anything special for my birthdays either. In 15 years of marriage!!!!!

You deserve so much better but at the very least he needs a bollocking - and needs to pull it out of the bag belatedly or get lost.

wizzbitt · 17/12/2023 21:40

Happy Birthday. What a wonderful thing you've gifted yourself. Next year's birthday will be so much better xx

Northsideoftheriver · 17/12/2023 21:41

Happy birthday 🥳
You write about sadness in the present but you have done such a powerful thing. You've taken back control. I wish you lots of happiness.

Original poster

HRR107 · 17/12/2023 21:42

FreshStart90 · 17/12/2023 21:40

You deserve so much better but at the very least he needs a bollocking - and needs to pull it out of the bag belatedly or get lost.

Thank you so much for your kind words! You have made me quite emotional. I really need words of encouragement like this at times so thank you for lifting me up!

OP posts:

Xmasisoffsantahascovid · 17/12/2023 21:42

My exh ruined my 40th birthday.. I married now dh on my 44th...

Letsgotitans · 17/12/2023 21:49

Happy birthday! Sorry to hear it's been a rubbish time for you. Sort a lovely treat out for yourself to cheer yourself up ❤️

MerchSwyddEfrog · 17/12/2023 21:55

Happy Birthday to you! How old are your children? If they are old enough to buy you a present I would tell them that you expect better next year. If not I would start training them now that mummy’s birthday is important too. It’s hard though if all they’ve learnt so far is that daddy’s the important one and only he gets a fuss made at birthdays. What was your ex partners excuse?

emmerdaledramaqueen · 17/12/2023 22:05

No wanting your supposedly significant other to acknowledge and make you feel special on your birthday isn't wrong.
My marriage ended and I spent a few years working on myself, had a few dates and now spend time with a lovely man who makes me feel special every day of the week not just on occasions.

And this year I've planned my own birthday trip with him and my child just because I wanted too! Hang in there OP you're life can get a lot lighter and brighter!!

threecupsofteaminimum · 17/12/2023 22:20

Yeh, get that trash taken out as the young 'uns say and make sure next year you have a lovely day.

If he can't be bothered to make even a little bit of an effort when he knows how you feel about it I'm so sorry but the guy clearly doesn't care about you.

You deserve better. Happy birthday btw xx

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