To not make an effort with sibling at Xmas.

[Sugarsun]

My sibling recently met someone new and left their DP and kids (my nieces and nephews).

They’ve been extremely selfish and haven’t paid for their kids and barely seen them.

They’ve been given half of Xmas day and will be taking them to my mums.

My plan was to stay at home with just me and my DD, as everyone said they were busy.

Now my sibling and mum want me to go to theirs for half of Xmas day instead and making me feel guilty for not seeing my nieces and nephews on Xmas day.
(I will be seeing them on Xmas eve and they’re sleeping at mine on Boxing Day).

I’m annoyed.
Partly because they said they were busy and now expect me to stop my plans to go there.

But mostly I cannot get over how my sibling has treated their own kids.

YABU - they are your family, you should just go
YANBU - you shouldn’t go because of their behaviour

Fuck that. I wouldn't go and tell them why.

You do you.

You had a plan.

Now Mum and sibling expect you to amend plans.

You really don't have to.

It feels as if nieces and nephews are getting used as guilt bait in this situation.

What kind of relationship do you have with them? Making the most of that relationship can be done in lots of different ways - it does not all hinge on Christmas.

Nope, I wouldn't go. They're probably only asking you so you can do cooking/ childcare. I'd stick to your original plan.

You know your nieces and nephews will get quality time with you and not miss out, so there’s no need to go and then see an atmosphere on Xmas day. Stand your ground and repeat you have plans since they said they were busy.

just say you will see them boxing day as planned and you will be staying at home.with your dd. then just repeat.

An invitation isn’t a summons, and you’re already spending loads of time with the kids.

Frankly, I suspect your mom and brother want you there for childcare

If you're going to spend quality time with them, then you don't need to go on christmas day too! Sounds like your sibling wants help entertaining them 😆 just say no thanks.

What kind of relationship do you have with them? Making the most of that relationship can be done in lots of different ways - it does not all hinge on Christmas.

We used to be so close and my sibling was a good parent and then they met someone else and completely changed.
Now they have no time for anyone and having the kids is almost an inconvenience now.

Whats sadder is the other parent has also rushed into a relationship (probably to get back at my sibling) and us more focused on making things work with the new partner than the kids.

Thanks everyone.

It’s the kids I feel the most sorry for and felt guilty about not seeing them on the day but as you say, I am seeing them on the other days so it’s not like I won’t spend quality time with them.

And I do think my sibling and mum most likely want me to be there to entertain or cook etc as they are both quite selfish.

Is the sibling your brother or sister?

You can tell your sibling and DM that there's no need to see your DN & DN on Christmas Day as you're spending more time with them over the Xmas period than their actual parents.

Have Christmas Day with your nuclear family and don't be their puppet.