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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Buying Xmas gifts in the sales

12 replies

Joulee · 17/12/2023 14:09

Last year DH and I had to move into rented accommodation for most of the year due to a water leak.

This meant Christmas was spent in a sweet cottage (not the rented house DH and I were based in) in Wales - we needed more space to accommodate 3 adult kids + a boyfriend .

Due to the practicalities of transporting gifts for 6 adults we told our adult children we would be doing money. There were token gag gifts to open. We spent a bit more than usual on food and drinks also.

Kids are all doing very well (one doctor, one works for big 4 and another in tech). Not on mega bucks but comfortable and on the right tracks.

Last year on Xmas Eve, after prepping food we ended up having a wonderful time (tipsily) shopping pressies via the online sales. We hooked up the laptop to the tv and it became a group thing. It was fun watching everyone encourage others to spoil themselves/go for it - a lot of teasing as well.

Massive savings were made on good quality stuff - my posh perfume was 70% off!

We have decided to do the same this year as we agreed for the sake of a few days there is no point spending all the extra cash. It was also just a fun time doing it together - hard to explain but I was breathless at times from laughter.

Anyway, I told my sister of the plans (who is quite a bit older - I sometimes feel as if we are different generations ) as she is with us this year. And she really hated the idea and said “oh no, not for me”/“it’ll be a good time for me to take a walk then”.

When I asked her why she felt this way she just gave a very vague response about consumerism. It’s taken the shine off a bit.

What do you think? None of us are religious. Daughter’s boyfriend occasionally goes to church.

OP posts:
NiftyBiiknhui · 17/12/2023 14:12

I think it sounds like a really good laugh and your sister sounds like a kill joy

I say enjoy your walk sister and then do what you wanted to do with your family

You don’t need to explain anything to anyone do what makes you happy

Funderthighs · 17/12/2023 14:12

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable. Just do whatever suits yourselves.

Ffsmakeitstop · 17/12/2023 14:12

If it makes most if you happy then do it. Just don't let her take the shine off it for the rest of you.

Whataretheodds · 17/12/2023 14:18

Each to their own.

1offnamechange · 17/12/2023 15:03

I think it sounds fun but perfectly reasonable for your Dsis to not think it's her cup of tea.

The only unreasonable aspect is you feeling your enjoyment is affected by her not wanting to go along with it. It doesn't sound like she was rude in any way about it, just said 'Oh that's not for me,' which is about as unobjectionable a way of refusing something as you can get. She didn't suggest you all not do it or even make any 'poor me' attention seeking way of opting out such as 'Well I guess I'll just sit in my room/do all dishes while you have fun,' but just took herself out of it by making a inoffensive suggestion of something she would presumably enjoy.

It sounds like she only brought up the consumerism aspect because YOU doubled down on nagging her for a reason why she didn't want to do it, if you had just accepted her original 'no not for me' that would have been the end of the conversation. And even then she was 'vague' about it rather than being rude or denouncing you all as materialistic consumerism obsessed shopaholics!

It sounds like the only way you would have been happy would have been if she immediately and enthusiastically agreed to it, but perhaps she just can't afford to spend money on luxury purchases (discounted or not) or it just doesn't appeal to her. Which is fine? Surely you don't all spend EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of christmas all together. Why does her not wanting to do this 1 thing impact on your christmas at all?

I also don't get why whether you are religious or the 'almost feel like different generations' things are at all relevant unless it's to paint her as somehow out of touch/a fun sponge - surely you and your DC are more obviously of different generations than you and your dsis, but you all enjoyed it.

Precipice · 17/12/2023 15:18

I wouldn't want to 'shop' with others either. I don't much like shopping with others either, so watching someone shop online sounds mind-numbingly boring.

Each to their own. It doesn't need to be a religious objection for your sister not to find it fun.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 17/12/2023 15:39

Neither of you are U you just have different ideas of giving gifts. Just do your thing with your family and she can gift in the way she usually does too.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 17/12/2023 15:47

Why would your sister not wanting to participate "take the shine off" for you? She just wants to do something else, she hasn't said there's anything wrong with you going shopping.

CremeBrunette · 17/12/2023 15:57

It is consumerism though. You’re waiting until things are cheaper to specifically be able to buy more stuff. You and your kids want more stuff, so it works. Your sister probably doesn’t. I don’t think it’s an age thing. I don’t want more stuff and I’m in my 30s, for a few years I’ve asked for money towards something quite specific that I want or consumables like wine and chocolate.

Why does it take the shine off it for you? She’s said she’s going to go for a walk, she’s not going to sit there, tutting loudly at you. She’s gone to go out by herself and let you do this, then come back and you can continue to spend Christmas together.

easylikeasundaymorn · 17/12/2023 16:31

I agree with the above. I can't imagine, if, having announced to a family member that my family all enjoyed a certain activity on Christmas (whether that be going for a christmas swim, playing board games, watching the King's speech), and them replying 'Ah I don't fancy that, but no worries I'll do x when you are doing it,' it would in any possible way 'take the shine' off my day.

It's supposed to be a family celebration not some sort of communal cult where you all do exactly the same thing at the same time!

I think it's unfair of a previous poster to call the sister a killjoy - we're in the middle of a COL crisis, there are quite a lot of very understandable reasons why someone might not feel being pressured by her entire family to get drunk and make multiple luxury purposes, all while being 'teased' about what she chooses to buy by her much younger nieces and nephews is the ideal way to spend Christmas!

BabyMinnie · 17/12/2023 17:05

How has it taken the shine off because she’s not interested?

HVfan · 07/10/2024 05:29

As you get older you get into the decluttering stage of life. You are in the accumulating things stage of life. Neither stage wrong. It’s hard to agree one what to do. It does not seem she is upset about it, why be upset about it?

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