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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pay this much rent for my MH

34 replies

Rollerdiscoed · 17/12/2023 12:45

I've just broken up with my partner and need to move out. I've been looking for flats 30-50 miles away from work and rent is crazy everywhere. I earn £58k, roughly £3k take home pay each month after student loan and pension payments. Is paying £1500pm rent too much for me? That seems to be the going rate for a basic 1 bed flat that isn't a total mould infested dive, and has transport links. I don't spend much on anything else really and have no debt, I have a little bit in savings.

I can't bear to go back into a houseshare. I have MH issues and find pretending to be normal around strangers exhausting. I don't drink and go to bed early - this keeps me stable. I've been treated like a freak by previous housemates because of that, and constantly get pressured to go out etc. I'm not going through all that again. I just want to have quiet evenings to myself to read/play piano/paint. I know loads of people will pile in telling me to relocate to the north where it's cheaper. But this a) isn't a helpful solution for anyone and b) don't think it would be a good idea for me to move hundreds of miles away to somewhere cheaper and be isolated from my support network (family and best friend who unfortunately all live in the SE). Also I can't stay with family, there's no room for me.

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 17/12/2023 12:47

I’d explore mortgages and find out how much you need to save to buy somewhere as payments would be lower and your own. May not be possible but speak to town and country to check.

AngelontopoftheTree · 17/12/2023 12:47

50% of take home pay in rent seems excessive, but if you don't have other commitments and can pay bills / food with the remainder then Yes, give it a go. Is there a chance of a payrise anytime soon?

BrownTableMat · 17/12/2023 12:47

There’s nothing more important than having somewhere safe and quiet to live so I’d say go for it. Maybe once you’ve recovered from the break up and your MH is in a better place you can think through your options, but for now just find somewhere that you know you can feel safe and at home.

IGotItFromAgnes · 17/12/2023 12:48

If you’re going to be spending that on rent, could you look at buying?

It’s obviously a significant portion of your salary, so could you manage if the rent went up? Also depends on any commuting costs etc.

But you need to live somewhere that works for you, so if you think you can afford it, like the place, and are prepared to make cutbacks elsewhere if needed then it’s not a terrible idea.

CatOnTheLap · 17/12/2023 12:48

Your take-home pay feels low for that salary. How much are you paying into your pension? Are you paying the standard amount for your company pension or paying extra on top? If you’re paying extra pension, could you stop that part temporarily until you see how you get on with the rent?

personally I’d pay a higher rent to live alone. I shared flats about a hundred years ago when I was young, and I just could not bear to do it again.

Original poster
Rollerdiscoed · 17/12/2023 12:52

@AngelontopoftheTree I work in civil service, so no chance of a significant payrise ever really. I need to get another 2-3 years or so experience to have any chance of being promoted, and even then the payrise will be modest. With my qualifications and skills, this is probably the best paid and most interesting job I'll ever have the chance to have, so keen to stay.

OP posts:
foxiecookies · 17/12/2023 12:56

When I lived with people, my mental health took a dive so I completely understand what you mean. I found that the cost savings wasn't worth the ordeal I put myself through. So, I decided to move to a flat in a nicer area and I don't regret it.
I'm on same salary and my rent's same as what you're considering. But my mental health is more stable now. Living without strangers and being in control of one's routine and being is priceless.
I'd say go for it.
To echo what someone said, also begin exploring how to get on a mortgage; let this be a stopgap. I'm now doing the same.
Best of luck OP.

Original poster
Rollerdiscoed · 17/12/2023 13:01

@CatOnTheLap I'm paying the minimum into my pension - it's an NHS pension so 11% minimum contribution. Which is a wild amount to me, but everyone tells me I must pay it or I'll regret it later.

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 17/12/2023 13:03

It’s half your take-home pay so yes, it’s a lot. You will definitely need to sit down and work out a very careful budget. However, I have been in a similar position to yours in the past and for reasons I’d rather not go into, I absolutely did not feel able to live in a house share. And although the money situation was very tough (and I was in a tiny studio rather than one-bed!) I think I made the right decision to live alone.

Butchyrestingface · 17/12/2023 13:05

Are you in London or somewhere in the SE? Could you tolerate a studio flat (although I'm not sure if there is a huge price difference between a studio and a 1 bed in London)?

Whataretheodds · 17/12/2023 13:05

Worth looking into being a lodger or sharing with one other person, a bit older than you.

For many people, a public-sector employee who doesn't drink and goes to bed early could be a dream.
Do you work from home much? Again, if you are in the office most days that's attractive.

Enterthewolves · 17/12/2023 13:05

You earn £8k a year more than me (also NHS) and I get just under £3k pcm so you must get around £3,300? That makes £1.5k seem a bit more reasonable

BrownTableMat · 17/12/2023 13:06

Nah, I’m another one who could never again do a house share/lodger set up. I need my privacy and my quiet.

Original poster
Rollerdiscoed · 17/12/2023 13:14

@Enterthewolves You may pay less in pension contributions than me? Contributions depend on salary, sounds like you may contribute a bit less, 10%. I also pay about 180 a month in student loan repayments. My exact take home pay after deductions is £2990.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rollerdiscoed · 17/12/2023 13:19

Actually @Enterthewolves think it might be 280pm for student loan

OP posts:
YireosDodeAver · 17/12/2023 13:25

With that salary you should be able to get at least a shared ownership mortgage.

Bit alternatively, you could seek out neurodiverse hhousesharers. There are lots of people who just want to have peace and quiet and to be left alone but can't afford a solo flat.

dreamingbohemian · 17/12/2023 13:30

I did exactly this years ago and I'd recommend it. You can do half your salary on rent if you don't have a car or kids and are frugal. Maybe look for a nice studio that's a bit cheaper or ask on here about different neighbourhoods you might not know? Even reducing that to 1300 or 1400 would help.

burnoutbabe · 17/12/2023 13:36

I would plan to move to live alone in rental for6 months.

Time to breathe and plan. Maybe find someone to house share down the line (say just 2 of you) or plan to buy

Expensive for the short term but the most sensible move right now.

MidnightMeltdown · 17/12/2023 13:37

1500 should be plenty for food, bills, social life, saving etc if you don't have kids. I think that you're fine. You don't have to commit to living there forever

SutWytTi · 17/12/2023 13:44

You have to prioritise your own security and health.

50% is high, but you have a secure job, which includes good sick pay.

You also have no debt other than student loan?

In which case, I think you can make this choice without exposing yourself to too much risk.

Keep paying into the pension!!

amylou8 · 17/12/2023 13:45

Would it be worth looking for a flat mate but being totally upfront about what you want? If I was looking for a house mate you sound ideal. I'm in bed by 9 every night, quiet, don't drink, pretty unsociable and love piano music. Nothing to lose!

Crikeyalmighty · 17/12/2023 14:05

I personally would look at buying 25% on shared ownership on a 2 bed flat. It will give you the security of tenure- able to make it how you want and at the moment with rent/mortgage/ service charge combined will come in at about £1500 - £1600 . You also have the option of making a bit of extra money by the occasional short term foreign student or a couple of nights a month AirBNB etc

A 1 bedder will be about £1380

You need around £5 k deposit plus about £2k for legal etc

Is pension payment compulsory? If not I would drop it for 3 or 4 years or less if you find you are managing ok

Sugarsun · 17/12/2023 14:18

I don’t think you have much choice really.

I would do it for a couple of months and see how you get on.

I agree with PPs about buying.

You are on a decent wage and have savings, the mortgage is likely to be less and you’re obviously owning your own home.

You could look into shared ownership but I don’t know enough about that to give advice.

AlohaRose · 17/12/2023 14:32

Why are you looking at flats so far from your work? Is your work in central London or something? Tbh, spending 50% of your take home on rent alone is a lot because in a one-bed flat you are also going to be solely responsible for utilities, council tax etc, plus your commuting costs are going to be high so you are going to have very little money for food, clothes and everything else.

I'm not sure how long it was since you lived in a house share but worth remembering that older house sharers may be a completely different proposition to 20 something year olds. People grow up and everyone starts to appreciate their sleep and quiet time, rather than mid-week partying.

jannier · 17/12/2023 14:33

50% in London is pretty good not sure where you are but it's fine

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