Bringing up being divorced?

[Idketdd]

How soon would you say you should mention you were married when dating someone new?
A guy I've been dating for a month just told me he was married. Over text.
We've seen each other every weekend since we met, we've slept together, stayed at each other's houses etc. I went out last night and we were texting a bit back and forth, I made a joke that I was drunk texting him, it was very light and playful, then I text "where have you been all my life?" And he texts back he was in an unhappy marriage that ended 5 months ago.
AIBU to think he should have told me sooner? He should have told me in person and not over text when I've just told him I'm drunk. I'm disappointed but I don't know if I'm overreacting

You’ve only been seeing this guy for a month, no reason he should have told you.

However, it’s odd telling you by text for sure

I think you're forgetting you've been dating for a month and I think it sounds full on really quickly for example staying at each others houses, seeing each other every weekend etc so it feels like it's an established relationship and you should have known about it but it's not. I don't mean this offensively but you cannot know somebody, their life story etc in a month. In fact I think if he'd of told you any sooner it would have been too soon. Are you religious? Dows it matter that he was married before? If you're over 30 most people dating would have been married before or in a long term serious relationship, kindly I think you're overreacting x

Probably should have told you face to face, but you've onky been dating a month, I don't think the timing is an issue tbh.

People don't think this should have come up in conversation during a month of dating?! Absolutely If have expected this to be spoken about in the first few dates!

I doubt he's already divorced though, the process isn't usually very fast, so he's just separated.

What is the significance of this information? Would you not have progressed the relationship if you knew he was divorced?
I assume he is over the age of 18 so previous relationships is a given. One of my exes told me on the first date that he was separated and I found it to be really odd information to come up with from the get go.

It would worry me more that his marriage only ended 5 months ago. Presumably he isn’t divorced. Have you had conversations about your past relationships? When I was dating in my 30s it was fairly normal to do a quick run down/outline of previous relationships. My dp came to my house on our 4th date and told me about his marriage and ex then.

Have you asked him about past relationships previously and he has lied, or has it just never come up?

If its the former, that's not great.

If its the latter, this is really a you problem. A month in is still very new and I think a reasonable time to get to know each other before raising it. If this was important information for you to know before you got to this stage of a relationship then you should have asked directly. It sounds like you made an assumption (that he hadn't been married) which turned out not to be correct, and now you're upset at him because your assumption was wrong. That's really not his fault.

I agree with this. Is he divorced @Idketdd ?

It goes without saying to mention if you’re married or divorced. I do ask a lot of direct questions though as I know some people can be quite deceptive just by keeping quiet on things.

It sounds like things are maybe moving too fast on some levels without either of you really getting to know the other. IMO if he didn’t want to disclose this from the outset he should have just been going out on fun dates at this point and having long phone conversations to get to know each other. I mean people date differently but when you do it like that, the truth of these things are more likely to come out before you start spending weekends together .

I’d start to question how well you actually know each other at all? Perhaps the sleepovers etc have created a false sense of intimacy.

And maybe he just sees this as a fling so in his mind it wasn’t worthwhile mentioning it to you.

I’m over 30 and no longer date men who have been divorced - but even if I did I’d expect to know about it from the start If we were spending a lot of time together and if he was serious about me .

The only two men I dated who had been divorced told me on the first date. The last ex I had, explained early on him that him and his ex had bought the flat he lived in together and that they’d been together for ten years before he split up. They weren’t married but had been in a serious relationship clearly as they lived together for years and bought a flat. But then we met online and just chatted for 3 weeks before he took me out (since I was busy with some deadlines) so we got to hear a lot about each other’s background. It didn’t work out for unrelated reasons but I appreciated him for being upfront and open.

And yeah it’s particularly worrying if the marriage ended only 5 months ago. Even if it turns out he is divorced, you’d wonder if he was really ready to date again after just 5 months. I’d say the same if someone was recently widowed as well.

Op, sounds like you guys to have a heart to heart and properly get to know each other. Maybe a good time to ask him why he got divorced, what his relationship with his ex is like now and if he is looking for a serious relationship now? It may seem intrusive or treading on sensitive groups but really if you’re able to share bodily fluids you need to be able to share deep emotions.