To want to leave partner after having baby

[josephine2000]

I really feel as if I would be a lot happier with separating from my partner and co parenting.

I didnt have the easiest pregnancy and I had a really horrific birth with various complications which resulted in a lengthy hospital stay and a 3rd degree tear.

A month on I am still not feeling the best and my partner will make up the formula bottles daily and change nappies majority 75% of the time.

From when I left the hospital he expected me to just crack on with it which resulted in an additional infection and I have been advised by the doctor to get plenty of rest.

All he does is moan at me, he moans about having to take time of work and will moan about having no sex for 9 months.

Yeah he does do a lot but it is not for me he is helping his child as he should do.

The other day when the health advisor came round he was threatening to tell her that I couldnt cope in the hope Social Services would become involved because my parents have asked me to go and stay with them and he does not want me to take the baby away from him.

Everyday we will argue and just tear into each other.
It really is a toxic environment, I absolutely hate his guts the majority of the time.

I cannot stand his moaning a second longer.

Had it not been for me wanting help whilst I recover I would of kicked him out and changed the locks a long time ago.

I just dont see how it benefits me staying with him.
The house is in my name which I pay the rent on (he has his own place) and sometimes he will tell me to leave MY OWN house!

I pay the bills and we go halves on the baby stuff.

He gets really aggressive and says the child isnt is when I say I want the baby to have my surname, he really gets nasty.

I carried my child for 9 months with his moaning and whining so I think I am entitled to give the baby my surname.

I am just so depressed being with him, he throws everything back in my face.
"Most men wouldnt be changing nappies" he reminds me which I find really sexist.

I am thinking of contacting the police as at times he has indirectly threatened to punch me but then says he is joking.

I just dont know what to do anymore, I just want to go to back to my home town and be with my parents, uncle, aunty and cousins who have all offered to help.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

I also think that might make him worse.

It’s best to just leave and go and stay with her parents for a while, until she can get her own place.

Exactly.

Of course she shouldn't HAVE to leave, but I wouldn't want to be on my own with a baby at home with a potentially volatile man threatening me. I'd rather stay with family and have people around me.

You need to leave him. I was with a guy like this and when he got really fed up, he became violent towards me. Thankfully this was 6 years before I had any children.

His behaviour was exactly like what you're describing with your partner. You're 100% better than this.

Get some things together when he's out. Stay with your parents for a while. He's dangerous.

I think he's an arsehole for making violent indirect threats, but you both sound pretty toxic to be fair.

You can't be petty and play about with babies surname because of his 'moaning and whining'

Just leave OP, but as PP said, you need to get things in place to do this alone.
Life's too short to waste on shitty relationships.

Don't give the baby his name but don't use petty excuses like 'moaning and whining'.
Just say the baby is having your name and that's that.

Call the police the second he starts being nasty so it can be recorded on the call. Ask them to remove him. Do not put him on the birth certificate.

@josephine2000 how are you and hour baby now?

Hello

I'm new here and in desperate need of some advice.

I am a first time mum to a 16 month old baby. My now ex fiancée left us three weeks ago. Long story short, i gave birth to our little girl then three months later my now ex collapsed at work. After that he now classed as disabled and has alot of health issues. I have been the bread maker, run around mum and kept us going for just over a year since this happened. I was his carer and supported him through everything. I gave him everything. I went to every single appointment, called the ambulance for every sezuire. I went to work and also fed his eldest child when he wasn't providing anything towards him

Up until three weeks ago not long after the diagnosis of bowel cancel. He left us. He gave me no answers on why.

The day after he left me he called up his dad giving him verbal abuse and wishing him dead because he supporting me and didn't agree with his actions.

In theses three weeks I haven't had him ask me if I'm okay or apologise for the way he had treated me. It's been complete silence.

I know I'm about to sound silly now but I didn't see the warning signs before. But this is the third child this has happened to. He has three children by three different women. He doesn't work as he says his condition effects everything but he can drive and go to festivals and concerts.

Not to mention he has left me in such a financial issue. My mum paid off his £6000 worth of debts, he hasn't paid a penny back to her. I am also paying of my expensive Christmas present as he put it on my klana account.

Everyone is saying I dodge a bullet but why do I feel so lost and down in myself. I feel so alone.