Visiting Pakistan as a UK White woman

[Imthefairyonthetree]

Hello
i am married to a Pakistani man. We have been together for 9 years and love each other very much. We have no children together due to infertility.

He has been to see his parents/family in Pakistan every year until lockdown but hasn't been since Feb 22.
He plans to visit in Feb/March this year and despite my refusal to go in the past I really would like to go to meet his family (we FaceTime a lot so I’ve seen and spoken before) my reservations in the past have been that I won’t feel safe, I don’t know what to wear and can’t speak the language. I am worried I will be thought of as rude and disrespectful so haven’t gone out of embarrassment and fear I suppose.

To anybody who has been before what advice would you give and am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

Also is there any good apps/websites to pick up some basic Urdu? My partner has tried to teach me in the past but I’m so embarrassed/shy that I say things wrong so I just don’t.

Ive been in a terrible abusive marriage prior to meeting him and my confidence has stayed low and I’ve promised myself that I would start living life and trying lots of new things.

The area of Pakistan is Sialkot & Lahore that we will be visiting.

Why have you posted more than once?

@WandaWonder yes sorry about that I couldn’t edit the title. I’ve asked admin to remove the other post.

Is there a Pakistani women's social group/cafe or similar locally? What about asking one of his female relatives to advise you? They probably would be delighted that you want to be part of his and their lives more and that you are physically making and effort.
Language mor challenging, but just master a few polite phrases and let hubby translate.
Good luck, but remember, your dh loves you and you get on with his family, so try to relax!

It’s a bit weird that you’ve shoehorned this into AIBU for traffic but whatever. Have you thought about asking for advice on the holidays topic or even the south Asian Mumsnetters topic?

If you face time them, you must know how the communication works. Language in the wider area - well, you'd go on holiday without more than a smattering of language.
Clothes. There will be guidance online on what to wear. I'd guess wide legged trousers or a long skirt and a shirt or other loose top would be fine.

I do a similar trip - to a different country - I find it hard work and not really a relaxing holiday. But then I'm not sure staying in someone else's house for 2 weeks would ever be my version of a relaxing holiday, even without the limited communication (the household generally speaks a local dialect version of the language I have the basics of - it's tough going!).

Please go. You don't have to go back, but I really think you should go at least once.

How long is the visit? I'd go if for no more than a week if actually staying with the inlaws... just in case it's harder than anticipated. Longer if moving about or staying in hotels.

My main concern would be using up my annual leave so early in the year

I wouldn't. It's so completely alien and if you are married and don't have children you will be treated really badly by other women. First question women ask each other, how may years married, how many children, it will be asked constantly. The fact is, and I have lived there, its not a very nice place to be. Its aggressive, misogynistic, dangerous and extremely religious. There's nothing quaint or beautiful about it and tour h might change like we all do around family. I really advise you to keep the worlds separate.

I like this travel blogger's approach to cultural differences. Do give her a read!
This part might be crucially relevant for you:

"Everybody knows that these foreigners are only there for a short time, might do a few ‘crazy’ things here and there, but in the end nobody really cares.
The story is a completely different one if you ‘live’ with a private family. The family is judged at every step for what they do in private and whoever stays in their home. The family will live according to their own customs and values and some will be less open-minded than others."

https://thespicytravelgirl.com/is-pakistan-safe-for-women-travelers/

I've seen a different travel vlogger, male, but the people were really hospitable and kind to him.
It sounds like your relatives are nice (?) and you'd like to meet them.
If your husband is a solid guy, I'd have gone years ago.

I wouldn't wear anything tight fitting, all limbs covered. And get some scarfs to cover your head.

My best friend is from Sialkot.

As someone has already said, it's very misogynistic, dangerous for women, so please be careful.

Also grow some thick skin , the women are unlikely to be very nice to you for multiple reasons.

My advice on whether to go or not would all depend on what his family are like.

Are they educated professionals who have studied/worked overseas, or are they very religious and you will be the first person from overseas they’ve really interacted with.

It all depends on the individual family.