I’m very surprised that school only told you the day before - no school I’ve ever worked in/ with, nor the school my daughter now attends would have done this.
My daughter’s school had a ‘Christmas jumper’ day weeks back (with plenty of notice) but they made a big point of ‘don’t buy new, decorate one if you can or just come in your favourite jumper’. DD has tons of Christmas themed clothing as we are very lucky to get lots of hand me downs from cousins and friends. She chose the one she wanted to wear but also insisted on decorating it by sticking a whole packet of star stickers she already had all over it. It was in exchange for a donation of chocolate for the Christmas fair - I sent a £3 selection box in but I’m sure you could have gone more/ less.
Next week she has a Christmas party, but no charge and food is provided.
Weirdly the school fair this year was in school time, with classes visiting one at a time. DD is only in nursery and they didn’t take part, instead they are getting the chance to play some of the games (and Santa also visiting them) during their party.
I believe the older children who did go to the fair were asked to send a few £ in (maximum of £5) to spend on the games, but also that there were quite a few donations made to cover additional children who didn’t have spending money.
Nativity - no charge, but tea/ coffee/ mince pies on sale by PTA although totally optional and lots of people didn’t get anything
Halloween disco (as someone mentioned above) - no charge although lots of items on sale (you buy ‘tokens’ on the door and then everything in there costs a token) - at DD’s age could definitely have got away without spending anything as she just liked the dancing part, appreciate would be harder with older children
There have been various letters/ messages about buying raffle tickets but it’s done by parents directly online so not really any pestering from children as they wouldn’t know if you had or hadn’t. I bought £2 worth and didn’t win anything!
Panto - they’re having this in school and PTA are funding
They did all design cards and then you could order a pack, or their design on a decoration/ tea towel etc. Again voluntary and DD I don’t think would have particularly known or remembered if we hadn’t done it, but I admit I felt like I ‘should’ and I imagine it might be harder to say no to an older child if they were more bothered by it.
I think on balance we’re lucky that school are quite good at not asking too much, always give notice and are quite sensitive to the fact that not everyone will be able to afford everything so try to find ways to include all children. I appreciate the demands may get higher as she moves through school though, we haven’t had to think about trips etc yet for example.
We have however paid for various Santa visits and experiences in December plus the panto - its cost quite a bit but we do save up for them, although this year the one that cost the least was actually the one we all enjoyed the most and I think will be the only one we keep for next year (plus maybe panto depending on how this year goes!) We’re very lucky to be able to do it, and it’s worth it for us - but as a pp said if you can afford it it’s about weighing up whether the children, and the family as a whole, get sufficient enjoyment/ value out of these things to justify the cost.