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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Doubting myself - have I been conditioned to feel this way?

18 replies

Amie947 · 16/12/2023 23:25

Been with my husband for 12 yrs. We met at pub and both enjoyed a drink. Things were great for the first few years but looking back I wonder if this is because I had shown an interest in his hobbies and went along with things he wanted to do.
A major flashpoint appears to have been my husband's choice to suddenly stop drinking about 3 years ago, which I have no issue with in itself, however if I so much as mention going for a drink with friends or family this causes a row. Ultimately we teased it out a few weeks ago and what he really wants is for me to not drink at all. As I was younger when we met, of course there have been a few times that I've got too drunk, however these days it is extremely few and far between and I am certainly not abusive or offensive in any way, in fact I especially avoid arguments with him when I've had a drink as I feel he uses this against me as is. I know other couples where one party will go "over the top" occasionally and it is just laughed off and I don't think it's unreasonable to expect this - please note I am not saying I expect to be getting smashed and outrageous and for anyone to put up with it. I have suggested that I stay with friends if I am having a drink, that I use the spare bedroom, I have tried everything to avoid issues and he is still unhappy with this. More recently he has stated that his father was an alcoholic (which I've always known) and that he hates drunk people, hates me when I've had a drink. While I can understand this, I do refuse to promise to never drink again because I enjoy it socially and I fear this is an element of control.

We split finances straight down the middle, I do all the food shopping, I do all the cooking, laundry, we take equal responsibility for cleaning the house (albeit if I tidy perfectly he does it again, he has stated he has OCD but this is undiagnosed.) I own the car, finance it and do all the driving. I work full time and am studying towards a degree. I have never had any issues with friends or anyone else around my social drinking.

Previously and more recently, I have felt that everything I do gets criticised. This comes in waves over a prolonged period then improves (usually when I've not "done anything" to upset him for a while.) If I am meeting with friends this will turn into a row over whether I am planning to have a drink, I will be called an alcoholic and told that I can't go anywhere without having a drink - this is certainly not the case. He seems to assume that I will be around on hand whenever he is off his shifts to accompany him in everything. Small things are seen as me "neglecting my responsibilities" and things that I care about and take pride in seem to be weaponises against me. I am at the point (and not for the first time) that I tend to feel that not making any plans is just easier to keep the peace. Of course this won't happen because I'll go stir crazy.

All in all I suppose that what confuses me is if he seems to hate me so much and everything I do is so terrible - then why doesn't he leave? I have honestly come to question whether I am in the wrong or right due to his past issues and the fact that I can understand where some of this is coming from, however I get completely lost as to how to respond without allowing myself to be controlled. He generally doesn't "manage" to control me but we go through the same arguments again and again. A recent example is when I went out with my friends, one couple and an older male who is literally twice my age and is friend of friend. Now my husband has no issue with me meeting up with him and openly admits he knows I wouldn't be interested in him (I'm not nor him me!) When we all left dinner we all went to the petrol station then came home and spoke outside for half an hour. Husband said I was late and he knew we'd been outside for some time as he had been tracking me on Google maps! Something I set up because I travel for work and husband panics about it - certainly not so he could track me socially. I have nothing to hide but it's the principle. While he argued over me having been late home, I couldn't help but feel the obvious HUGE issue had been him effectively stalking me. I just feel so bamboozled most of the time now I don't even know where I stand.

OP posts:
buidhe · 17/12/2023 08:43

Reading this, my question is why don't you leave? Part of the answer is that he is controlling and over time he has worn you down, some of his behaviour you are conditioned to accept to keep the peace. But a lot of this is just wrong. Think about what you would advise someone you care for to do in this situation. Like doesn't have to be like this with you worried every time you go out and constantly on edge trying not to upset him.

What would happen if you developed strong boundaries and stopped keeping the peace? I wonder.

Sodndashitall · 17/12/2023 08:49

Are you waiting for him to change or to leave?
Because I don't think either of these things will happen I'm afraid.
Change starts with you and you need to be clear on what you want and don't want and the boundaries you put in place.
He needs to stop criticising you and tracking you and underming you. Make this clear and call him out on it. If it's not acceptable to him then leave.

RandomMess · 17/12/2023 08:54

He is coercively controlling you.

You don't do or say certain things to keep the peace.

2023forme · 17/12/2023 09:01

@Amie947 Yeah it’s not good and I fear this coercive controlling will get worse.

You’ve not stated your AIBU but I am assuming you are asking “AIBU in thinking I have been conditioned to think this way?” If so, I’d say YANBU.

I’d get this moved to Relationships where you will get great advice from people who have been through similar. Good luck.

jeaux90 · 17/12/2023 09:02

Insufferable. I would divorce.
He doesn't see you as anything but his support human. He is controlling.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 17/12/2023 09:03

This is about control. I’d get out now before it gets worse.

halfthishalfthat · 17/12/2023 09:07

He is controlling you. Your alcohol consumption is not the issue here, it is just another stick to beat you with. Is it possible to explain to him that his behaviour is extremely overbearing and limiting or doesn't he engage at all? You are entitled to meet friends and have a life of your own outside his wants and needs. Is there any way of communicating this to him? I know that it is difficult, but you must stand your ground here or you will find yourself completely isolated one day. I agree with those who have said that coercive control will get worse over time and will wear you down. Do you have friends or family that you can confide in?

Comtesse · 17/12/2023 09:09

You are under reacting here, probably because he has been wearing you down for ages. Of course it’s fine to meet friends, have a drink, spend time on things that are important to you. Don’t accept this - it’s awful.

Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit · 17/12/2023 09:16

Hi OP,
As I read I kept thinking this is no way to live. You don't have to stay with him. Clearly drinking isn't the issue here. You have the right to make your own choices about that.
All you need to do is imagine a morning waking up in a flat/house without him in it. What does that life look like? If as I suspect you feel relived or happy at that prospect you know it's time to leave.

GabriellaMontez · 17/12/2023 09:17

To summarise. Everything is fine between you as long as you do what he says.

That includes what drinks you consume and how long you talk to someone.

Yanbu to meet friends/chat/have a drink.

If he doesn't like you after a drink he could sleep in the spare room.

I'd be deactivating google maps permanently.

Have you asked him any of these questions? "You don't seem to like me as I am, are you sure you want to be with me"?

What do you want to happen?

Marmalady75 · 17/12/2023 09:17

As all the PPs have said, this is all about him wanting and needing control. It seems to me you have 3 options
A - leave him
B- discuss it with him and see what happens
C - accept his behaviour, give your life over to him and be/do nothing for yourself ever again.
personally, I’d either be running for the hills or kicking his sorry ass out of my house!

GabriellaMontez · 17/12/2023 09:24

Hang on! No kids?

Probably just leave him them. No need to be ground down, battling this controlling tosser.

He obviously wants you to stay in, sober, constantly reducing your life, to meet his need for power and control.

Out of interest, does he still go out with friends and have hobbies?

Heronwatcher · 17/12/2023 09:27

I think he has an awful lot of issues to unpack here but it’s not up to you to bear with him whilst he does so. You are absolutely not an alcoholic and it is very normal to want to go out with friends and have a drink once in a while. I would say I go out and have a drink with friends once a week- sometimes more, sometimes a bit less but there’s nothing odd about this. Don’t stop doing this. If you did, he’d find something else which he doesn’t like and the whole thing starts all over again.

The things I’d suggest are discussing again with him that these are his issues, that there are many people in the world who have a perfectly functional relationship with alcohol and that you very firmly intend to be one, and that accepting this is something he has to work on. The other thing is a trial separation because he honestly sounds controlling and borderline abusive at the moment so I’m not sure he will change.

Shiningout · 17/12/2023 09:28

You asked the question of why doesn't he leave you if he hates you, my question is why don't you leave someone who treats you like he hates you?? You can't live like this op. It's not just the drinking he's literally tracking your location. Turn off Google maps as a start. Don't stop socialising for his sake because you'll be left with no friends when you finally leave him.

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/12/2023 09:31

You don't mention children. If you don't have any, then this is the easiest decision in the world. You go upstairs now and you pack your bags.

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/12/2023 09:33

This isn't about your potential alcoholism. It's about his control.

Baldieheid · 17/12/2023 09:34

This is no way to live your life. This kind of control will just ramp up till you're afraid to do anything in case it upsets him. Nothing you're currently doing is unreasonable IMHO. His behaviour however, is unacceptable and I could not live with it.

Dotcheck · 17/12/2023 09:57

Sounds like it has run its course.
He has clearly been messed up by his childhood, but he absolutely may not take it all out on you.
Honestly, I would just leave

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