To be suspicious of dd13

[Squareeyesnose]

Before I post I will say I am extremely suspicious of everyone and everything.

tonight dd went to a friends party then asked to stay at her friends. I said yes on the condition I picked them up, so I could check in with her. She text me to say her friend’s dad collected them early as they didn’t want to stay until the end.
this all checked out on life 360.
i spoke to her on the phone and asked if she had been drinking, she said her friend had had a wkd and she had a few sips. She didn’t seem
under the influence.
I then video called her just now and she seems ok holding a conversation speaking clearly etc could see her friends too and they seemed ok.

i just worry I’m missing something, I worry she could drink alcohol and black out she has promised she is not drinking anything other then those few sips. But I don’t know if I’m being a push over.
I don’t condone her drinking at all but I don’t go mad when she tells me the truth in the past she has said the same she had a few sips, never seen her drunk that I know of, she has called me to collect her from places where she said her friends were drinking heavily in the past.

I’d say she has quite a bit of freedom? She’s been to a party and is now at a sleepover. I’m more worried it’s too much for her age

If you don’t trust your child on a sleepover then don’t let them go. It’s totally unfair to agree to this then insist on FaceTime and grill the poor kid to see if they’ve had a sip of alcohol or more. You trust your child and the people looking after them or they don’t go.

I would say that on balance she’s sensible enough to handle the situation. She seems to communicate well with you.

It’s a bit concerning that she hangs out with people who are heavy drinkers at 13 but, as she’s called you in the past to be removed from that situation, it sounds like she’s got her head screwed on.

I'd be really concerned if my 13 year olds friends were heavy drinkers.

I absolutely wouldn't be giving my 13 year old a glass of Baileys either.

It's absolutely fine to take a hard line on drinking when your kid is only 13.

I'm not sure I'd have face timed but I probably wouldn't have allowed the last minute change of plans given what you say about her friends.

That's a bit rude,I'm guessing the op has been through some trauma herself and is just being a protective parent,being a responsible parent is about worrying about your child that's what those 18 years are about

I went out and didn’t drink a drop myself so I can be on call for my daughter - that’s parenting not micro managing

😬

The calls, video calls and fretful ‘what-ifs’ are utterly smothering. It’s all so smothering. I feel smothered just reading it.

Well she is home now! She called asking to get picked up. I think my gut feeling was right but she dealt with it really well

Excellent, glad she is able to to talk to you freely xx

Agree with this.

It's not the worry about alcohol I have an issue with, it's all the checking up op is doing on her daughter, the absolute lack of trust. The tracking of her movements to make sure, the video calls while she's with friends.

Unless there's a backstory of the girl lying and pretending she's somewhere she's not, then starting off from the standpoint that everything she says has to be double checked and suspected, is incredibly unhealthy.