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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for some advice on teen DS being left out of friend group

28 replies

Lightsideofthemoon · 16/12/2023 22:25

Finding this situation REALLY difficult. DS has had a group of friends since he was 4- he’s now 15. The boys are all really typical cocky confident teen boys apart from my son, who is quiet and shy. As a result, he’s been dropped and excluded from the group over the last 6 months and he’s been super upset about it and feels really lonely, left out and sad. He can see that they are all together on snap chat etc and just gets really upset.

I do feel really pissed off with how they have treated him and I am also really good friends with the mums and find I am pissed off with them too for their kids excluding behaviour. The latest was him being not invited to his friends birthday when all the rest of them were there. It’s just horrible.

How do I deal with it? I know that by the time they are teens - you can’t tell them who to be friends with - but it feels so harsh. My DS is more immature socially and that has probably got a lot to do with it too - he’s not ready for drinking and parties etc.

Its so tricky - I don’t want to fall out with the women who i have been friends with for over a decade either but I am angry. We al go on holiday together etc so it’s extra tricky.

OP posts:
hattie43 · 07/03/2025 08:20

His ' friends ' are the mean kids . Parties and drinking at 15 often doesn't end well anyway . Things may settle but I'd encourage him to find groups who are interested in what he enjoys and grow new friendships .
Often these things happen from the influence of one or two and the others fall into line .

NeedToChangeName · 07/03/2025 08:24

Friendships evolve over time. It's normal

Drifting apart isn't bullying

Encourage him to take part in activities outside school. I think it's really important not to be too dependent on school friends only

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 07/03/2025 08:36

MojoMoon · 16/12/2023 23:01

I think you need to take a step back.

It doesn't sound like they are cruelly bullying him - they just don't wish to hang out with him as much.
They have less in common. It's sad for your son but that happens.

It's not unreasonable to only have chosen friends at a 15th birthday party. This isn't reception where it's a whole class party.
A pity invitation to an event where he isn't really wanted - or where his slower maturity will be apparent - will not be much fun either.

Focus on helping him make new social connections. Don't write off the old friends completely - in a year or two, your son may have caught up in terms of maturity and be back hanging out with them. So I wouldn't go all guns blazing and say anything now that might make that harder.

Totally agree. With a bit of a dose of you can be disappointed for your son but you do sound very overly invested and overly emotionally invested. These are the things in life that unfortunately happen and they need to go through without having their parents REALLY upset.

You deal with it by taking a step back as mentioned and being there for your son and not letting it overly affect you.

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