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Original poster

To ask how to put a five year old back in his box

52 replies

Pieceofvanilla · 16/12/2023 21:44

my son is 4 and adores his ‘big’ cousin who is 5 nearly 6
not really a cousin if it makes any difference. He’s my DP’s cousin’s son. Anyway we see them at Christmas and about 3/4 other times of the year.

they are all very nice people and I’m happy to spend time with them but it is a matter of fact that they have much more money than us.

the boy, let’s call him Tim, tells my son (and the rest of us) that he had a bigger house, more toys, bigger better flashier Christmas tree etc on a regular basis. It’s true and he doesn’t necessarily say it with great malice, but it annoys me, and I’m wondering how I coach my son with this challenge especially as the years go by and he gets older and more conscious of it

so yeah let me have your smart alek come backs!! But also, how to help my son deal with people belittling his stuff and describing much better stuff??!!!!!!

OP posts:
SoMuchOfEverything · 16/12/2023 23:32

"Tim, it is so lovely that you have so many nice things that you enjoy. Which one is your favourite? The train? Oh, how lovely! Can you show it to DC? When I was your age, my favourite thing was XXX. DC's favourite thing is XXX. Do you want to see it?"

No point shutting down/putting a 5 year old in his box. It is Christmas and he will have new toys that of course he will want to show off. The only thing you can do is emphasise that everyone has/likes different things and try to be equally excited about your child's new toys as Tim is about his.

Sceptre86 · 17/12/2023 07:42

My nephew used to do this and it was annoying. I just used to distract my own kids and say weve all got different stuff and thats ok. My son stopped him by saying he was a poo, nephew was 8 by this point and son was 5.

Coyoacan · 17/12/2023 14:39

Some children are just making observations and some are boasting out of insecurity. But OP you are in charge educating your own child not his cousin

Benibidibici · 17/12/2023 14:43

All you can do when its a child this age is repeat calmly & cheerfully "we're happy with what we have. It would be a very boring world if everything was the same now wouldnt it".

His parents are likely mortified that he's coming out like this, and are probably doing and saying things at home to help prevent it. One of my DC once asked a friend why they had no upstairs (lived in a small flat & were struggling financially at the time). He was an oblivious 4 year old who didn't know it was rude. I had to do a lot of talking at home

Balloonhearts · 17/12/2023 14:44

Why not just tell him 'Don't boast, Tim, its very bad manners.' Job done.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/12/2023 14:47

Why would you want to coach your child in ways to verbally crush a five year old?

Did you have an older sibling that used to do that to you all the time?

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 17/12/2023 14:48

I get it can be frustrating but he is only 5. At that age they're just making observations more than anything. I always remember when my son had a friend over for tea and he said to me 'ooo I've never been on a council estate before' I laughed his poor mum was mortified. It's his parents job to manage this. Just smile nicely and ignore.

MissyB1 · 17/12/2023 14:50

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/12/2023 14:47

Why would you want to coach your child in ways to verbally crush a five year old?

Did you have an older sibling that used to do that to you all the time?

Why would you not help your child to be confident and assertive when they are being put down by other kids?

LenaLamont · 17/12/2023 14:53

Oh for heaven's sake, he's a 5 year old and he notices that his tree is bigger. He's not a problem to be solved, he'll grow up a bit and learn it's not appropriate to say things like that.

It sounds like your skin needs to be a bit thicker, not that anything has to change with the little kid.

cezannesapple · 17/12/2023 15:01

SoMuchOfEverything · 16/12/2023 23:32

"Tim, it is so lovely that you have so many nice things that you enjoy. Which one is your favourite? The train? Oh, how lovely! Can you show it to DC? When I was your age, my favourite thing was XXX. DC's favourite thing is XXX. Do you want to see it?"

No point shutting down/putting a 5 year old in his box. It is Christmas and he will have new toys that of course he will want to show off. The only thing you can do is emphasise that everyone has/likes different things and try to be equally excited about your child's new toys as Tim is about his.

Something like this is perfect. I can’t imagine wanting to put down a 5 year old or coaching your son on how to put another child down. That’s a pretty awful trait to teach any child really.

Myfabby · 17/12/2023 15:11

Sunflower8848 · 16/12/2023 21:51

”yes, aren’t you lucky. We are very lucky because we have soooo much love in our family”

this is so petty and small minded to say to a 5 year old.

fivegoldrings9 · 17/12/2023 15:12

JuliaJoJelly · 16/12/2023 22:39

He is 5 - he is just stating a fact. Our tree is bigger than yours. He doesn't mean it with any malice.

I think your are projecting your own insecurities tbh.

I remember being 5 and saying some really intentionally mean things to friends.

5 year olds can most definitely be malicious. The people saying he doesn't mean any harm must have never spent much time with a small child.

But yes, they need gentle but firm correction, not smart alec comebacks.

"Ah really? Thankfully it doesn't really matter who's tree is the biggest. We all do things differently and that's fine."

fivegoldrings9 · 17/12/2023 15:14

Balloonhearts · 17/12/2023 14:44

Why not just tell him 'Don't boast, Tim, its very bad manners.' Job done.

Haha that's actually great. Very simple but teaching an important life lesson.

stillavid · 17/12/2023 15:20

Just ignore as he is only 5.

Honestly, if you start telling him off - his parents are going to be pissed. You barely know them.

ReadtheReviews · 17/12/2023 15:21

I think op is getting a lot of flak. Yes he is only five so still young enough to be taught good manners! That's nice but it's not polite to compare. It sounds like boasting.

Floralnomad · 17/12/2023 15:22

Ignore It , he’s a child . If you must say something then ‘well that’s nice’ will suffice .

Booboocars · 17/12/2023 15:27

MissyB1 · 17/12/2023 14:50

Why would you not help your child to be confident and assertive when they are being put down by other kids?

Show quote history

But they are not being put down - he is not saying ‘you are stupid because you have a smaller tree’. He is literally stating fact.

I would much rather have a kid that made an observation than one that intentionally put down another child witty a preplanned come back.

Honeychickpea · 17/12/2023 15:30

What box would that be OP? The one in which YOU think he belongs?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/12/2023 15:33

MissyB1 · 17/12/2023 14:50

Why would you not help your child to be confident and assertive when they are being put down by other kids?

Show quote history

Confident and assertive doesn't mean teaching a child to bully another infant because an adult feels threatened by them. Confident means not being so insecure that you want to find something to hurt them verbally/emotionally.

naughtynine · 17/12/2023 15:35

Why would you not help your child to be confident and assertive when they are being put down by other kids?

He’s not been put down unless you think you are lesser of a person if someone else has more than you?

Myfabby · 17/12/2023 15:35

ReadtheReviews · 17/12/2023 15:21

I think op is getting a lot of flak. Yes he is only five so still young enough to be taught good manners! That's nice but it's not polite to compare. It sounds like boasting.

he's not ill mannered. he's 5 and stating facts. not his fault his parents are wealthier and have a larger tree/car/house whatever.

op says It’s true and he doesn’t necessarily say it with great malice, but it annoys me

It's an OP problem quite frankly. Is she going to teach her son to put down every single person at school who have more means?

naughtynine · 17/12/2023 15:36

Confident means not being so insecure that you want to find something to hurt them verbally/emotionally.

My relatives are £££, cousin had everything, mansion with pool, pony, etc I didn’t feel bad about it, I still don’t just enjoy the perks!

DaftyLass · 17/12/2023 15:37

You'd rather target a five year old than speak with his parents about it?

Myfabby · 17/12/2023 15:38

Balloonhearts · 17/12/2023 14:44

Why not just tell him 'Don't boast, Tim, its very bad manners.' Job done.

such a mean and petty thing to say steeped in a huge insecurity complex.

if Tim said my dad is taller than yours which could be fact, would that be bad manners?

Chickpea17 · 17/12/2023 15:50

Talk to his parents not a 5 year old who may or may not be boosting.