AIBU or Is this a poor attempt at flirting?!

[swinglosweetchariot]

So this is sort of lighthearted.

DP has just WhatsApped me a photo of myself from across the room, which he had taken of me sitting on the sofa watching TV (he's sitting in the other sofa), with the following emojis next to my photo: 🔥😜🍆💦

For context, we are late 30s, been together almost 9 years, and we've been having relationship issues recently. He claims this is his attempt to make an effort because this counts as "flirting". Does it?! I'm a bit 🙄at his efforts tbh, but maybe I'm being ungrateful?!

Anyway, wise Mumsnettters - I thought I'd let you judge. Would you consider this to be a reasonable attempt at flirting?!

It might be an attempt but it’s not very good and it’s not working because it’s not what you want or find attractive. Have you chatted to him about what you’d prefer?

I haven't, I do plan to though. Just wanted to gauge whether I am in fact being ungrateful.

It's clumsy but He's trying.

Clumsy definitely, but he's obviously trying to make a bit of a connection! Trying to make a bit of a flirtatious comment when you're sat across the room from each other. What's your recent flirting effort been?

Ah he's trying, go and give him a little kiss and try and build back some intimacy.

I bought him a keyring with some sentimental words and our initials on and gave it to him yesterday. Not that I'm saying I'm expecting gifts or anything in return - just answering what my efforts have been recently. Oh and I've been making more effort to do my hair and make up when we are just at home. He did comment that I looked nice today, so I guess that's added effort too. It was just the emojis that felt a bit lame I think 😂

I'd say that's the emoji version of him going "phwoar" and waving his willy at you. I'd give it a 2/10.

Little crass of you ask me..

@2Old2Tango 😂😂😂

A late thirties person sending texts from across the room with emojis attached would have me running for the hills.

@swinglosweetchariot more effort with hair and makeup definitely counts! I just wonder if that's his attempt to make it more obvious / physical flirting? Perhaps one of you could hop over to share the same sofa as the other one? Get a bit of physical closeness going?

Emojis aren't the top choice of flirting for me, but it sounds like you're both totally out of the routine so it's definitely a start!

I think it's funny. He's reaching out. Don't overanalse this. Read John Gottman.

I think it’s funny!

I think it's funny. Don't over analyse, just enjoy some time together if you feel like it.

Fair enough! Guess I need to stop overthinking and just take it on face value as a well meaning compliment. It shows he still finds me attractive after all these years I suppose!

My partner and I (early 40s) do stuff like this all the time. It's playful and we both enjoy it.

I honestly do recommend you get John Gottman's books- he's very good on love languages, how much you need to put in positively vs negatively (5 to 1 I think) and about tokens where the other person is reaching out in the relationship and that's why it's important to respond positively.

It would really help you I think as you both seem willing to improve things and there's some very simple things you can do.

I think it's more flirty than you buying him a keyring. Your gesture was nicer and more thoughtful, sure, but it wasn't flirty. And this is. Maybe send him a peach and an aubergine back 😁

He's trying! Instead of being moody you could go upstairs and send him something back 👉👌😉

I'd quite like that 🤣🤣

It’s a compliment, it’s a laugh, it’s banter. All things I absolutely love to have with my partner in life, my husband sends me messages like this often and it makes me laugh, but also reaffirms I am still sexy to him. Life doesn’t have to be serious and intense all the time, fun and laughs and sexiness with your partner is a great part of a relationship.

I wouldn't love this either but in terms of romance and sexiness, it's more or less on par with getting a key ring with sentimental words on it, so maybe you both need to try harder.

I can see how you perceive that as minimal effort and easy Gain for him (I would anyway) but men are so simple I think he just doesn't know how to get you going again, tell him! it's funny but at least he cares enough to try something, I literally told my ex dp in words what I needed and he didn't care enough to try not even a hand hold 🤣 yours still loves you x

Depends on person - you sound like you want poems, flowers and lovely home cooked food, he wants to send funny willy aubergine emojis. It just a mismatch of personalities. I would find it hilarious and send something similar back - but im silly like that and so is my DP. 😂

Clumsy but he’s trying. Some of us just can’t flirt.
Send him some emojis back 👅