I met up with my 6 oldest friends last weekend for our annual Christmas meal & drinks which I was very much looking forward to.
I am an introvert and often struggle to join in conversations. I am much more of a listener and I enjoy asking lots of questions but I find it difficult to talk about myself. In groups, I constantly have to remind myself that I need to join in as I’d be very happy just listening. I am much better and more comfortable in 121 situations.
I am now the only one in my group of friends without a baby and 99% of the conversation focused upon babies, childcare, and etc. I absolutely did not have a problem with this as I loved hearing all of the updates, but as a result, I really struggled more than usual to join in.
As the meal went on I could feel myself becoming increasingly withdrawn and becoming more anxious which served as a further barrier as I was conscious I was getting more and more quiet. My mind went blank and I just couldn’t think of anything interesting to contribute or put forward either about myself and my own life, or any of the topics being discussed.
I am now beating myself up about it as I keep replaying the conversations in my head, wondering if they must think I’m boring, or wondering why I was so quiet, and I think maybe I should’ve said more at specific points in the conversation. I was thinking maybe I shouldn’t have gone as I contributed almost nothing, and felt increasingly anxious.
Does anyone else get this? I came away feeling pretty rubbish about myself :-(