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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not accommodate last minute change of plans?

25 replies

keojam80 · 16/12/2023 16:04

Had Xmas night out plans with a friend. She wanted to change the plans and just meet for coffee instead.

Due to meet for coffee at a coffee shop. I had work but agreed to meet after work for a quick coffee.

Text her after work to say I was on my way. She texted me back saying she was somewhere else, in a shopping centre and to just meet her there. The traffic to get into the shopping centre is a nightmare at the weekend, never mind being extra busy with Xmas shoppers. Parking is a nightmare and costs a fortune. I said I wasn't prepared to pay the parking costs just to meet for coffee and can we meet at the original place. She replied that I should just park in a multi storey car park and walk to the coffee shop in the shopping centre.
I've had a long day at work, I don't want to battle through traffic and then crowds of people to have a quick coffee.
I said I could meet her at the original place later on if she was busy now and she told me just to leave it to another time.

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 16/12/2023 16:09

YANBU. Just leave it and arrange again after Christmas if you want to

personally i wouldn’t after being pissed around

GigglemugsHere · 16/12/2023 16:10

YANBU

Lurkingandlearning · 16/12/2023 16:11

Well isn’t she full of herself. Ditch her.

tuttifuckinfruity · 16/12/2023 16:12

She sounds a nightmare.

Ditch her

GladAllOver · 16/12/2023 16:13

Friend has a bloody cheek. If she can't meet as arranged then tell her she has cancelled.

EmptyYoghurtPot · 16/12/2023 16:17

Does she have form for messing you about like this? If not then I’d put it down to pre Christmas disorganisation. If she always goes this kind of thing I’d re evaluate the friendship.

Ktime · 16/12/2023 16:19

YANBU, she’s a skank who changed the plans twice at short notice.

Meet her on your terms from now on or better yet don’t meet her.

EmmaEmerald · 16/12/2023 16:19

Tinkerbyebye · 16/12/2023 16:09

YANBU. Just leave it and arrange again after Christmas if you want to

personally i wouldn’t after being pissed around

This
you had a proper night out planned and she's done this?!

TomatoSandwiches · 16/12/2023 16:19

Drop her, she's self-important and rude.

Floralnomad · 16/12/2023 16:21

I wouldn’t bother at all . YANBU

YourNameGoesHere · 16/12/2023 16:21

Tinkerbyebye · 16/12/2023 16:09

YANBU. Just leave it and arrange again after Christmas if you want to

personally i wouldn’t after being pissed around

Agreed! She sounds like a very thoughtless self centered individual, not someone who I'd want to be friends with.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 16/12/2023 16:23

She’s rude and expects you to revolve around her.

PonyPatter44 · 16/12/2023 16:24

Cheeky mare! You're not BU at all, she's being ridiculous. Sorry you didn't get your nice Christmas meet-ip.

BalletBob · 16/12/2023 16:25

Wow. She really thinks she's the queen bee huh? You were more patient than I would have been. Think I'd have just text back in the first place to say "no way I'm battling through the traffic over there. Are you coming the place we arranged or shall we just give it a miss? If I don't hear back in 5 I'll head home"

To be fair though I'm a bit of an introvert anyway and the older I get, the less bothered I am about preserving friendships that are hard work.

Original poster
keojam80 · 16/12/2023 16:33

She said she went Xmas shopping with another friend. Her friend went home and she was waiting there to pass the time to meet me. She is clearly pissed off that she has waited there for me. I didn't know any of this until I said I was on my way to the original place.
The difference is she had already paid for parking and been Xmas shopping. I would have to sit in traffic, struggle to get a space and pay for parking then walk to the coffee shop where she was sitting. Too much effort and hassle for a simple coffee. If I had been Xmas shopping and she was there fair enough.
I had spoke to someone else that said the traffic was horrendous and no spaces for parking!

OP posts:
Ktime · 16/12/2023 16:43

keojam80 · 16/12/2023 16:33

She said she went Xmas shopping with another friend. Her friend went home and she was waiting there to pass the time to meet me. She is clearly pissed off that she has waited there for me. I didn't know any of this until I said I was on my way to the original place.
The difference is she had already paid for parking and been Xmas shopping. I would have to sit in traffic, struggle to get a space and pay for parking then walk to the coffee shop where she was sitting. Too much effort and hassle for a simple coffee. If I had been Xmas shopping and she was there fair enough.
I had spoke to someone else that said the traffic was horrendous and no spaces for parking!

So she waited in town like a muppets even though the plan was to meet somewhere else?

Swerve this one, OP, she lacks brainpower.

GuitarGeorgina · 16/12/2023 16:44

Unless she is normally nicer than this, I don’t think I’d bother seeing her again.

Gladrags1234 · 16/12/2023 16:47

I have (had?) a friend who was forever messing me around like this. I used to enjoy her company and feel that it was worth it, but I have other stresses going on in my life and my patience has worn very thin. I'd feel the same as you OP!

Greenpolkadot · 16/12/2023 16:57

Well isn't she a princess. Dies she normally expect you to pander to her whims ?
Ynu..I bet all you wanted to do was get home and have a cuppa

Gymnopedie · 16/12/2023 17:20

I hope you just went home and put your feet up.

She is clearly pissed off that she has waited there for me.

She can be as pissed off as she likes. I wouldn't be rushing to make any more plans with her ever.

Bandolina · 16/12/2023 17:31

Time to deploy the Mumsnet classic phrase book:
I'm sorry that doesn't work for me
Guaranteed to dispense with cheeky fuckers like your 'friend'

daisychain01 · 16/12/2023 18:30

She doesn't value you as a friend
she got a "better offer" and then shoehorned you in
she hasn't put your needs even half way up her priority list because it's full of her own needs
shes an excuse for a friend.

i wouldn't even give her the benefit of the doubt, because there isn't one, she's rubbish.

PBandJ111 · 16/12/2023 18:32

Don’t worry, she was being very selfish.

Coatscoatscoast · 16/12/2023 19:07

I would have been tempted to agree, then text an hour later mentioning traffic, then after another hour send a voicemail saying you were just queuing for parking, then after another send a voice note saying hope you’re still there…. all sent from your sofa of course

PeloMom · 16/12/2023 19:09

So she wanted to squeeze you in between running errands? Yeah nope!

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