Depressed about no social plans at Xmas

[Heaet1135]

Ive been crying all morning about how I have no plans with friends over Christmas. I’ve messaged all the people I see for drinks over the year ( including my close group of schoolmates) and I’ve been left on read/ too busy/ crap excuses.
went to the gym this morning and everyone was talking about their hangovers. I would love to have a work Xmas party but I’m a junior doctor so we rotate jobs every 6 months and never feel part of a team and never invited to any Christmas events. All my friends have drifted away and I’m working stupid hours in a job I hate
i have a wonderful family to spend christmas with and a wonderful boyfriend ( who frankly deserves someone better)
I just really want to have some friends I could rely on - everyone flakes or ignores me. I’m clearly unlikeable and boring

Iv had years like this and really this year I have a couple of small plans. I have felt the same as you. There might be people that say be thankful for who you have in your life but sometimes you just want to let loose and have a wild time.

Maybe this year is a quieter one but next year you can think about how you could arrange things . Getting things booked and paid for by people is a way to firm up people’s attendance.

You have a wonderful family and boyfriend. That is something to be very thankful for and not everybody has this. You won’t be alone for Xmas. Try and concentrate on the positives 😚

Look on the positive side…you have a wonderful boyfriend and family and many people would envy you for that. I would plan some Xmas meals out with your boyfriend and your family, visit some Xmas markets, garden centres where Christmas is a big theme, National Trust properties decorated for Christmas etc. Call your friends, instead of texting and discuss with them when it would be a good time for them to meet up, maybe between Xmas and New Year or in 2024. Can you join a group that you are interested in? I have recently joined a choir and it’s good fun and a very friendly bunch of people. No auditions or solo singing. I joined in September and there have been monthly social events, a Christmas meal, a boat trip, a visit to a Christmas market and a USA trip being planned for 2025.
You sound a bit depressed if you have been crying all morning and if that is the case make an appointment with your GP and get some help. Your job sounds extremely stressful at the moment but maybe in time you can specialise in something that you will enjoy for your longer term career.
Honestly please don’t sit in feeling sorry for yourself. On the day after the Coronation I was sat here alone and felt left out but I googled street parties in my area and went along to one and had a lovely time. Everyone was cheerful and friendly. Even if you go out Xmas shopping, it should lift your spirits. Sending best wishes & hugs.

I haven't got a wonderful family or a boyfriend - I would trade my work night out for that 100 times over. I'll be spending Christmas alone 🤣 you're lucky really.

In fairness, you're a junior doctor working insane hours. You presumably have drifted somewhat from your friendships, understandably, because you are very busy and stressed. You can't just decide you want a social life because it's Christmas. Calm down, enjoy Christmas, and decide whether you want to continue to work in a job you say you 'hate'. Decide to work on your friendships in 2024.

I hear you & feel much the same.

I hope you manage to find a way to feel happier & that this reassures you somewhat.

It probably isn't because you're unlikeable or boring. It's probably because your friends are overcommitted, burnt out, tired, unwell or low on funds.

Christmas is just a day or two, plan other things with your BF/family when you have time. Working in health care means you have to do things when others aren’t.

Why does your boyfriend deserve better than you?! You are a junior doctor, you must have limited time to socialize! Be kinder to yourself

It's not you

Over the years I have come to realise people disappear into family permanently, not just for a few years. Also stressful jobs etc.

I have no wonderful family, never wanted a boyfriend but times like this I wonder if I made a mistake?

I'm not expecting any "friend" contact from anyone now till maybe 4 Jan, bar the generic Christmas emails which I will ignore this year - it's just someone saying "I forgot you exist but you're still in my phone".

PS thank you for being a doctor 💐

I'm in the same position but without the family and boyfriend. Seriously, enjoy your time with the people you have.

This.

i wish I had a lovely bf to spen Xmas with it’s been over a decade since I’ve had that. And I was happy with just him.

It’s a tough life that of Junior doctor and you may want to consider life outside of medicine if your heart isn’t in it. There’s arguably never been a worse time to be a doctor. Plenty of other jobs you could do with an MD.

Regarding your social life, realise that many people can’t be bothered post pandemic so it’s unlikely a personal gripe. Perhaps consider having a day or two to yourself - start with a nice breakfast then maybe a spa, massage, followed by some nice wine and a film of your choice.

Enjoy spending time with your family and boyfriend

Work Christmas parties are totally over rated

Perhaps you could arrange to meet some friends in early 2024

I think lots of people are generally socialising less than in the past due to Covid, COL etc, so I doubt that you are unlikeable amd boring. I'm sure that's not the issue

Rather than dwelling on what you don't have why not make plans with your family and boyfriend?

With that said, how much effort do you put into your friendships? Some people put little to no effort into maintaining friendships and then get to a point in life and wonder where they all are and why people aren't falling over themselves to hang out.

Maybe see how you can make new friends in the New Year.

You've got a wonderful boyfriend, and a nice family. What strikes me is that you're working ridiculous hours in a job you hate (that's what you said). Leave, Get something else, and then you'll be working regular hours with the same group of people.

Whilst I can empathise a little OP, it's nice to have 'unflaky' friends and annoying when the flaky ones let you down, in the big scheme of things you do have people you can rely on - your wonderful family and boyfriend. You won't be alone over the actual Christmas period, merely 'short on diary dates' so to speak ❤️

Due to some very unfortunate family strife this year, I will be absolutely, completely on my own all over Christmas. The 'strife' isn't mine, but the family I usually spend my Christmas with are going through a horrible time. I'm dreading waking up on Christmas Day and eating my sad dinner for one! No idea how I'll get through it...but I will of course. And so will you...with your family and boyfriend. Don't be sad 💕