Separated parents - AIBU to expect more in emergencies?

[cadburyegg]

Ex has dc EOW, this is my weekend. Had to take ds5 to A&E last night to get his chin glued. Ds8 had to come too. It was busy when we got there, I couldn't get hold of ex so I called my mum who came to pick up ds8 and took him home to bed. I'm glad I did call her because we were there a few hours, by the time ds5 and I got home it was gone 2am. My mum slept in my bed then left early for work.

When I did get hold of ex I told him what happened but he didn't offer to "help" in any way, or to pick ds8 up, just told me to have a duvet day today. I know if this had happened on his weekend, unless I had gone away or something, I'd have been there like a shot, either to take the other dc home or wait with the one who was unwell, or to have offered to look after dc for a couple of hours/asked if there was anything they needed today. AIBU to think ex should have done the same? I know it wasn't a life threatening emergency. Happy to be told I am being unreasonable and my expectations are unrealistic, I'm a bit tired today 😅

YABU, on balance, I think- mainly because your child had their chin glued, they aren’t actually very sick (unless there are more serious injuries/complications that you’ve not stated). They might be a bit sore, but honestly mine have had worse and bounced back quickly, as children usually do- unless you make a massive deal over it. You both might be a bit tired today (though 2AM isn’t that late for an adult), so your ex is right- let the dc sleep in and have a quiet day today and you’ll all be fine.

Why do you think he needs to take the older DC away? Or come and make a fuss of the one who has what sounds to be a minor injury? Or come over to help you? I’m sure you’ve had late nights before and managed the next day- either by just getting on with it or having a lie-in and a lazy day if possible. Tbh, I am married and if DH or I had plans, I wouldn’t expect those to have to change over a child with a glued chin and a bit of a late night- we’d just carry on as we’d intended. Anything else just seems a bit dramatic. Perhaps your ex-partner has plans for today and thinks the same?

I’m not trying to be unkind, I just think you are overthinking it all a bit- it’s a minor injury, your child is fine and you don’t need to fuss over him and your ex/child’s father doesn’t need to drop everything to come and check on them- you are all fine, it’s not necessary.

Thanks for your reply just to be clear, IMO my ex should have offered to look after/pick up ds8 whilst I stayed in A&E with ds5. My mum came and took him instead, but my ex didn't know that. With a couple, if they were both at home at the time that situation wouldn't arise because the other parent would usually stay at home with the child who didn't need to go to A&E. If my mum hadn't have been able to took after ds8 then of course he would have stayed with us and, sure, it wouldn't have been the end of the world, but seems unnecessarily mean when he had another parent 20 minutes away who could have looked after him.